How they match parents and babies

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Over the last few years, I've received a number of queries about how China matches babies to adopting parents.

When I first applied to adopt (lo, these many moons ago), I asked my social worker about the matching process. She indicated that one of the ways a child is matched to her future parents is by a resemblance to one of the parents. I immediately started laughing, thinking that she was pulling my leg (not sure how many bosomy, pale-skinned, blonde babies they have in China, but I'm guessing they're not overrun with them...) However, she insisted that this was the case.

I've since checked into the matching process and here it is in a nutshell:

"Matchers" in the Matching Room check the adopting parents' file and first look for something that stands out:

a matching birthday,
links using Chinese astrology, or
a baby who likes music and a parent who teaches music.


Many matchers have stated that they compare the bone structure of the baby’s face and the parents' faces. Unfortunately for me, I discovered too late that they use your passport photo for this process (I look like a constipated crack whore in mine - poor kid).

After this process, matchers then start to look at things like the parents' preferred age of the baby (e.g. under 2 years), however, this is not a priority for the matchers - they feel they are matching families and not filling orders.

On the Rumor Queen adoption blog, I asked post-adoptive parents whether their children are similar to them in any way. Here are some of the responses I received:

: I think you will be amazed at the number of children who resemble their adoptive parents. We very often receive comments about how much our daughter looks like her daddy. Other families in our first travel group also had definite resemblances to their daughters. It's really quite something. And believe me, after your child is home with you for a while, you no longer see the differences of skin tone, eye shape, hair colour. Sometimes I forget why people are commenting and have to remind myself that others see the differences of ethnicity between my daughter and myself. I simply don't see it anymore. I just see a fun loving, rambunctious, lovable two year old.

Mom to Lily

: I was so shocked when we got our referral picture. Lilly definitely has her daddy's nose!! She's definitely the Asian version of her daddy. - Claire

: I don't know that our daughter looks very much like us, but her personality is perfect for us!! Both DH and I are science nerds and love the outdoors and hiking. Our DD is fascinated by everything - loves the outdoors, loves sciency stuff, she loves to get her hands on everything and figure it out. We call her our little engineer. She loves to hike and at 15 months she HATES to be in the stroller so we take much slower hikes now because she insists on hiking the whole way with some help from daddy! I am sure she would drive some people nuts with her constant investigation but we LOVE it!! I don't know how the matching room does it but they did a perfect job for us!!

: Our daughter had the biggest cheeks of any baby, and while we were in China, people would pat her cheek, point to mine and say "Same, same".

: My first daughter's referral photo looked a lot like a baby picture of me! The cheeks and jawline and nose were so similar I could hardly believe it! It's almost uncanny.

: Our Niki's orphanage info said that she "was naughty when she was two" and is "sometimes obstinate" That is when I knew that she was a perfect match for our family - she could be my son's twin! - Maria

: Our daughter had no hair in her referral photo. Guess what... my husband is follicularly challenged! They both had nice round heads and perfect little ears. She also has his personality big time. Somehow they work magic in that Matching Room because they seem to get it right everytime.

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Comments

[steph]

loved the story
What a great "matching" story! Loved the quotes. I'm sure there will be a gorgeous mini Kaz that matches perfectly. All she needs to be is sweet, kind and generous (and too smart for her own good) just like you. lol. x

[Belinda Cuz]

fantastic info
Fantastic info on matching process. It's exciting to think there is a mini me (you) out there in China. Look forward to hearing more,