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Published: March 8th 2007
Sometimes it seems like we're living in a fairy tale--or at least on a lovely, long vacation. Then the pendulum of reality comes swinging back and knocks us off our unicorns...
K-1 Fiance Visas Dealing with the U.S. Embassy in Nairobi was a nightmare. A NIGHTMARE. Truly some of the most painful, frustrating shit I've ever had to go through. On our last trip there, I caught a really bad head-cold and even had to leave the house in the early-morning chill with snot dripping from my nose, aching ears, and nothing but a thin shirt from India to cover me.
We followed all the steps and still found we couldn't dance. The reccomendation came down that we should apply for a fiance visa, and we grabbed on to that idea. But after we started researching the fiance visa process, things didn't sound so breezy anymore.
The first step was a petition from me, sent to my parents and filed in the U.S. It was two long days worth of expensive work in print shops and call centers, photobooths and cyber cafes, but we got it all done fine.
The next step consists of waiting
for 3 months and getting together a stack of unusual paperwork. The U.S. Department of Homeland Security requests police clearances for Chelly from both Kenya and Thailand, documents proving her eligibility to marry, evidences of our engagement, medical examinations, and even sworn affidavits of financial support from me and my parents...
A-138 Affidavits (Or Something Like That...) These Affidavits turned out to be the sticky spot.
The official forms from USCIS (United States Citizen and Immigration Services, formerly I.N.S.) are lengthy and detailed, and they ask for a lot of extra stuff. I need not only my own tax returns, employment records, self-employment records, business information, and stock and bond numbers, but I need all this stuff for my parents as well. After filling-in the forms and attaching the requested documents, we then need to swear to them in the presence of a USCIS officer.
I'm sure my parents could do their part--if they weren't already bogged-down with full-time jobs and a half-dozen community projects--but all my records are locked in a filing cabinet, buried under boxes of books and clothes, inside a padlocked storage area with a coded gate. Only I can find them,
and some of them I don't even have yet.
It just won't be possible for us to get this paperwork together without me being in the states.
Troubles at Home Then I talked to my Dad. You see, Mom always gives me the sweet side, talking about travel plans and project successes and just rambling about politics. Dad gives me the reality.
Right now they are dealing with one of the worst winters they've ever had. Rain has ruined the roof of the treehouse (where Chelly and I plan to live), windstorms have dropped trees all around the property, and they are both too busy to deal with this stuff.
I also asked my Dad about helping me out with a few things that needed to be taken care of in April, which is when I realized that the list is just too long. My taxes are due, but first I need to do the books for my business and track down any W-2s. My insurance is expiring and I don't have any means of paying for new coverage. And, oh yeah! Remember that storage area where all my stuff is? It's only paid
for until April...
All these things require time and effort. Mom and Dad simply can't do it all for me. Then there's the money issue; it's getting harder and harder for me to borrow. Just imagine how much borrowing would have to happen for the trip to Greece, having all these things taken care of back home,
and staying in Kenya a few more months.
The Folks Have Changed Their Plans In the midst of all this, I found a surprising email from my Mom. It consisted of a subject line with no text in the body. It said simply this: "What if I came to Kenya?"
Introducing Chelly and my parents in Greece had been one of my biggest ambitions since November. I guess they were all looking forward to it as well. Then one silly Greek with a White Rabbit smile dashed all those hopes. And the U.S. let us know that she wouldn't be greeting them in Seattle anytime soon, either.
It was unplanned and a little crazy, but my parents' decision to come to Mombasa was fantastic. Mom found some deals on airfare from Athens to Nairobi and we hectically planned a four-day visit, after which they will return to Greece for their Crete adventure. It's not much time to spend in Kenya, but everyone is excited to meet them and take them around.
At least they'll be able to see me in my traditional Masai outfit at the engagement party...
Tough Decisions Of course, this all points down one logical path: I take the trip to Greece and then go back to the U.S. with my parents. It couldn't have been a tougher decision, however, as I wrote to my parents back on 26th:
"I really want to stay here with Chelly while we do this process, for two major reasons:
1. I love her and I want to live with her for the rest of my life. In order to be the best husband and wife we can be, I think it's best for us to stay together through thick and thin, especially when dealing with stuff like this. Worrying about this paperwork and about our financial stability will be very hard on us, it would be even harder if we were continents apart.
2. I set out for a year long trip knowing that I didn't have enough money for it. I planned on having to stop and work somewhere. In fact, having to learn to survive somewhere knew was part of my challenge to myself. Having to stay away for so long was meant to be a test of my personality and a mental cleansing from all the elements of my life that are imposed by friends/family/media/us politics, etc... In short, I feel I would be giving up AND cheating myself if I were to go home now. "
I was obviously stressed and a little frantic when typing this. It was hard for me to see an acceptable way out of these problems. We considered all our options and all the information we could gather. The next day, I wrote this:
"I will need to file the petition this week. Then I will need to get to work helping Chelly put together all these other forms. Truthfully, I can't provide the I-134 Affidavit of Support without going to the U.S . to do it. However, I think I can help her get all these other documents together before I have to get home. That way, once the petition is approved, she's just got to go do that medical exam and appear at her interview with the documents and fee reciept in hand.
In conclusion--though it causes me pain to do so--I will be going back to the U.S. with you from Greece at the end of March. Please book tickets to come to Nairobi on March 11th or 12th (if you can), and to return to Greece (with me in tow) a few days later. We can have a big engagement party with the family here, enjoy our time tracing the Nakis roots around Crete, and then return to Sedro-Woolley together. That will give Chelly and I 30-60 days of waiting before she can get over there with me. Plenty of time for me to get the treehouse ready and pay off the debts. I can probably even send her some checks for the family."
Totally cold, without passion, but it has to be the right decision. Doesn't it?
Anxiety Now, instead of looking forward to a lifetime of peace and joy together, Chelly and I are counting down the days until I have to leave. We're also chasing third-world governments in search of documents best-obtained through bribes that I refuse to pay. Some of these things (like the clearance from Thailand) seem almost impossible to get. Understandably, we're feeling a lot of anxiety.
The stress and tension is causing us lost sleep and lost appetites, body aches, headaches, and a run of petty arguments. We wanted to be together through all the hardship, but now it seems we can't be. We're angstful. The evil forces of the world haven't attacked us in any way, we've simply tried to do something nice for ourselves and felt massive resistance from outside.
Is everything going to fall apart?
A Shadow Blots Out The Moon Then, the other night, I was up on the roof with the neighbor. Mouze was by himself and bored. I'd slept all day and couldn't go to bed when Chelly retired to soothe her hangover around 9 o'clock. I saw Mouze and we went up to talk and watch the sky.
Mouze, like me, enjoys rambling and ranting and discussing Big Issues for hours on end. We lost track of time as our friends and brothers drifted in and out. It was bright and breezy and occasionally we made comments on the fullness of the moon.
Then we started to notice something strange. Actually, I didn't notice it, Mouze did. He said, "now it is a crescent." I looked up and said, "no, it's gibbous, that's the word we use to describe the moon when it is in-between full and half." We broke into a long conversation about the stages of the moon, discussing waxings and wanings and the lunar calendar.
Then Mouze said, "now it is a half-moon." I looked up and it was. Correct. But wait a minute, I don't think that can happen all in one night...
It turns out we were watching a rare full lunar eclipse--which was only speculation at the time (I read all about it online the next day). We watched for hours as the Earth's shadow slowly covered the surface of the moon until only the thinnest line of light outlined it's position. Then dark clouds rolled in to obliterate it completely and we retired for the night.
I think this must have been some kind of sign, right? Like a reminder that there are a lot bigger things going on than just our little, temporary problem. The design of the universe is far bigger--and our own lives are far bigger, for that matter.
Hell, even the moon just up and disappears sometimes. It comes back. We just have to remember that things'll do their thing and come out all right.
Peace,
Nic
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Gurry
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Congratulations!
That's some of the most surprising news I've read in a long time, but I'm really happy for you both.