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Published: January 7th 2007
So the stereotype goes, traditional Jewish mothers dominate proceedings as far as nurturing their sons is concerned, even when the ‘child’ in question has gone beyond the apron string years and reached his 20s or 30s; in most cases, ‘no-one is ever quite good enough for my son’.
In Sri Lanka, a similar story is apparent in the majority of cases as parents are very much in control of matters of the heart (those of their sons and daughters, that is). The common view appears to be that young people simply do not have the life experience nor the wisdom to select their life-long partner all on their own, but that their sagely parents are in a better position to make this decision on their behalf. There are exceptions to this policy, and at weekends young starry-eyed couples gather on the coastline and shade themselves under umbrellas away from prying eyes as well as the sunshine in innocent but nonetheless secretive liaisons, and in these instances the choice to share in one another’s company appears to be their own and nobody else’s. Possibly their own parents are more liberal, or are just satisfied that their kids are mature enough to
identify their own partners without help or perhaps hindrance from the folks - it remains to be seen if these same fathers and mothers subsequently give the ‘I told you so’ routine to their nearest and dearest once the relationship goes sour. There is evidence in the Sunday tabloids, and indeed the broadsheets, however, that large numbers of parents and older relatives do hold a strong position in carefully guiding their children towards the appropriate partner in order to secure the most rewarding married future possible, and accordingly they match-make using some interesting lines in the classified ads, ‘selling’ the benefits of their son/daughter.
A small selection of genuine advertisements posted by parents in a recent edition of Sri Lanka’s Sunday Observer follows:
“Maharagama Govi Buddhist father seeks for his 5’7” engineer son devoid of all vices, owning vehicles and substantial properties, a suitable pretty bride below 25 years. Gemini, Aries, Leo, Sagittarius preferred. Write with copy of horoscope and telephone number…”
“Colombo suburb Govi Buddhist retired parents seek suitable partner for their 1970 born 5’1” pretty, young-looking graduate daughter with MSc conversant in English, employed in government service as medical officer drawing a monthly salary of
Sanga looms large
Sri Lankan cricketers are as well-known among the locals as are footballers in the UK, and wicket-keeper Kumar Sangakkara is helping to sell some phones here on a Colombo billboard27,000 rupees (£135), owning storied houses, land and other assets worth over 85 lakhs (£42,500). Her only brother is an MBBS medical officer. Write with copy of horoscope…”
Sadly, despite both being on the market, these two will never get it on - although she is a ‘pretty bride’ as far as we can see (apparently a very important attribute to have as far as his parents are concerned), we are unsure of her all-important star-sign and in any case at 36 years she is far too old for the guy’s parents to consider her as a suitable mating partner for their son.
“Aunt seeks for fair, slim, pretty non-working homely niece, low-country Buddhist, 43, 5’5”, with substantial means, partner between 45 and 48, tee-totaller with means from the same caste. Religion immaterial. Divorcees (innocent part only) and widowers considered. Horoscope with Rathu in seven (favourable astrological position).”
“Up-country Sinhala Govi Buddhist parents seek pretty, educated partner of good character for their 38-year-old, 6’, handsome MSc graduate son resident and studying in the United States with dual citizenship. He will be returning to Sri Lanka shortly on holiday. Employment or fluency in foreign languages not essential.”
The 'Ottery Tourist Inn', Colombo
One unfortunate choice of guest-house, the oddly-named Ottery, was overpriced at four quid per night! Well, both are Buddhists and it doesn’t matter if she cannot speak languages other than Singhalese, but he is a bit old to be considered as a future spouse according to her aunt. Apparently she’s pretty, which helps in this case according to those on the groom’s side, but it seems clear that she isn’t ‘educated’ to any particular level or the auntie would have said so in her ad. We don’t know for sure whether he’s been divorced, and further, whether he was involved as the guilty party, which would put the cat among the pigeons.
Blimey! This dating game is difficult when you are in it for a life-time partner! My future as a matrimonial match-making agent is looking short-lived.
Such is the spiritual nature of many Sri Lankans, the existence of a favourable horoscopic star-sign in potential partners is a crucial factor in match-making, and this is made very clear in the majority of advertisements posted in the broadsheets every Sunday. The bulk of the contributors to this section are Buddhists, although there do exist a number of Muslims and Roman Catholics who offer their children on this basis. The confusing thing for me is
the regular mention of the need for potential sons or daughters-in-law to have sizeable assets, dowries, land or substantial income to be considered as suitable marriage material, whereas the Buddhist philosophy includes the renunciation of wealth as an important ingredient in the path to enlightenment. Not only that, but what with this talk of material things in successful partnerships, what ever happened to romance…
Among my best friends in Sri Lanka are Harsha and his wife Rukshie (married through their own means!), and over the Christmas period I managed to gate-crash the wedding of Rukshie’s sister at the Continental Hotel in Colombo in what was a very elaborate affair indeed, featuring a couple of hundred guests indulging in a high-quality meal and live music in the ‘penthouse suite’ of the five-star hotel. I felt out of place as soon as I arrived half-way through the evening, attracting many curious stares, not only due to my pale face but also because I was by a distance the scruffiest person in attendance. There is a limit to what luggage I can manage on the plane to Sri Lanka given the coaching equipment I haul along with me, and the inclusion of
View across the hills
Kegalle's Director's Bungalow offers incredible views of the hill country any vaguely smart attire is deemed very low-priority and doesn’t make the cut. Thin cotton shirts, shorts, sandals, trainers, cricket shirts and suntan lotion are included, but other essentials that can be acquired in Sri Lanka at low-cost I leave out of my suitcase. Anything remotely smart becomes part of the pre-trip 'cull'.
COME CHRISTMAS AND NEW YEAR, COME THE COMMENTARY
Before and after New Year my duties in the studio continued and in an effort to remain original and fresh during my cricket commentary stints, I tried hard to broaden my vocabulary and to select different superlatives as and when necessary during transmission, to try to keep the listeners reasonably entertained. The customers listening in to the live, ball-by-ball cricket broadcast were unable to see any pictures and therefore our job was to paint a picture for them and avoid long silences, lest they become bored or maybe think that we have gone off-air and their subscriptions to the service worthless. For this reason, identifying different topics of conversation that would be of interest to the listeners became important but I regret mentioning (out of almost nowhere) the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Carnival while on air during the
Ashes broadcast. Now I have no experience of such an event and my knowledge on this annual celebration is limited, but in any case I happened upon this subject during a slight lull in play during the fifth Test match at Sydney this week, much to the amusement of my co-commentators. Mention was made by the lead commentator of the colourful outfits being displayed by many members of the large crowd at the Sydney Cricket Ground, and the first thing to enter my mind quickly popped out of my mouth as we began a brief discussion on the lively carnival staged in the very same city. There were no reports of unhappy listeners from India who were tuning in to the broadcast and who may have been insulted by the subject, so my job as commentator remains safe for the time being, although in any case after an exhausting week (sometimes on air between 5.00am and 9.00pm covering two different matches in one day, due to play taking place in different time zones around the world), I felt that my energy was sapping.
WHERE TO NEXT?
The matter of acquiring accommodation while in Colombo has been tiresome as I
Estate bungalow, Kegalle
Mike is in there somewhere have had to move from one place to another through certain circumstances, the main one being that such an early start to the days of commentary required a local, preferably cheap, guesthouse. Procuring a three-wheeler in Colombo at 4.15am for a fairly long journey across town is not advisable, therefore a place within walking distance from the studio was the optimum choice. However, a catalogue of typically amateurish Sri Lankan ‘issues’ began to surface as soon as I signed up for a place to stay. These often odd-ball occurrences for me included the light-switch for my first-floor room being positioned in the garage (what’s that about?), an uninvited person entering my room in a fruitless search for a missing document they had previously left there, a broken fridge never repaired despite promises from the owner to do so on the first day of my stay, and food that I had stored in the communal kitchen (due to my room’s fridge being broken!) being stolen. After these incidents I was forced to engage the services of an aforementioned, more expensive but reliable 3* hotel across town instead, and rather than using an unlicensed bandit on three wheels to get me around I instead booked a taxi for the early-morning jaunt across the city at silly-o-clock. I suffered the luxury of a warm shower, satellite TV, proper laundry and air-conditioning in my room, but only for two nights until the Australia v England series was over and my commentary completed. England’s premature, dismal demise in the Ashes had saved me further hotel bills, so something worthwhile did come out of this otherwise depressing situation! Thanks boys.
KEGALLE CALLS
Another visit away from my base in Colombo followed the end of my commentary work, and this was a two-day jaunt with a coaching friend who, together with three of his assistants, had invited me to Kegalle for the weekend to discuss a coaching project that he was considering for the future. Kegalle is a relaxed town surrounded by lush, green scenery on the way to Kandy, and this choice of venue simply for a meeting about cricket coaching was inspired as it allowed for some quiet reflection away from noisy Colombo. Not only that, but my friend, Lalit, had been able to secure overnight accommodation at a superb estate bungalow in an elevated tea plantation belonging to his company. Typically, years ago, the British owner of a tea plantation would build himself a nice pad at an advantageous point overlooking his ‘tea-leaf kingdom’, and include all the trappings of colonial wealth which we were now able to enjoy decades after such properties had been passed into corporate hands. The environment offered very large colonial-style rooms, tranquility, stunning views of surrounding hills and plantations and a small team of on-site staff on call for any eventuality. We held discussions on various cricket coaching matters, took tea on the verandah and were steamy curry up at mealtimes (even brekkie…this was too much for my own very mild English taste-buds though).
NUTS
The products for which Sri Lanka is very well known include tea, pineapples, coconuts, mangos and bananas, but a delicious addition to this list is the faithful cashew nut. And it was on the return trip from Kegalle that one is likely to experience ad-hoc stalls by the roadside offering this treat, which, like most fresh produce here in Sri Lanka, tastes a million times better than when it is served up back home. Passing through ‘Cadjugama’ (literally ‘village of cashews’) it is hard to miss the many women urging the drivers of passing cars to delay their journey back to Colombo to purchase a bag of these little beauties from them, although only the more privileged are likely to be tempted, such is their exotic nature and subsequently very high local price. A small bag will relieve you of 300 rupees (£1.50), which is reasonably steep by UK standards but extortionate for typical Sri Lankans.
Also on the return trip from Kegalle, Lalit informed me that a bus on the same road to Colombo had been bombed with the loss of 15 people two days prior...
On a more light-hearted note, I hear that back in England a friend of mine who owns a farm and a large number of sheep has boasted of his talking sheepdog. A tall tale I suspect, but he insists it is true, claiming that he recently asked Shep to quickly count the sheep out on the farm for him, and on his return to his master 15 minutes later the canine claimed there was a total of 140 sheep present. 'That's strange', said my friend the farmer, 'I thought there were only 138'. The dog replied, 'Oh, but you see I rounded them up...'.
A happy and above all peaceful New Year to one and all.
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francis
non-member comment
missed vocation
mike, you have missed your vocation! apart from the cheesy jokes, your descriptions and photos are really interesting, particularly on miserable french winter days. keep them coming! all the best, what odds england return without winning a single game, even v. nz?