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Published: December 8th 2006
Guava Posse
Jude, Josh, RowanWhen Dylan Thomas said 'the graveyard of all ambition' about Swansea, he could easily have been talking about Nha Trang.
I finally got off my wee skinny arse and left Hoi An, heading south for Nha Trang upon another 12 hour journey. fortunately this wasn't quite as bad as the Hanoi - Hue overnighter, but still ranks on the scale of shitty journeys. after trying to locate myself next to the funnest looking people on the bus, i was penned into a corner with some girls next to me that were so antisocial i dont even know where the hell they were from. wahay, this was gonna be fun. for all her lack of social skills (compared to her, i'm a talkative bastard) she unconsciously decided to make my journey even more fun by always nodding off and resting her head on my shoulder. not such a problem, in fact, somewhat of a giggle as every five minutes, my bony blades would hook her in the chops going over bumps and she'd wake up. then fall asleep and repeat the whole process throughout the night. whats worse was that everytime she'd wake up with a jolt, she'd look at me
The good
me and jude, she was paid for that product placement funny, then her face would turn to a state of disgust as if i'd eaten her young. suppose she got the last laugh, she repeatedly dribbled on me.
as soon as i landed in Nha Trang, i wanted to get straight back out. i hadn't planned this to be anything more than a hopping point for saigon and my initial impression driving through the city confirmed my need to bust-a-groove. however, all was about to change. after once again choosing the first hotel i wandered into, i headed to the backpacker hangout. passing one place i was offered a leaflet for a diving school, blah blah blah, then the magic words appeared. G-U-I-N-N-E-S-S. as you know i'm a sucker for a pint, and i've been good, 2 months without one, so i let myself be seduced and filled my urge to get on the juice. despite balking at the rediculous price of the beer, i got talking to a Saffer (south african for the uneducated) who worked there about snorkelling at 20 minutes later i had signed up for a 4 day PADI diving course. now this is where the party started.
that night i was introduced to
The Bad
French instructor at Rainbow's. worlds worst dancer my dive buddy Crash. full name Crash Anova (i shit you not), american of course. despite my initial misgivings, he turned out to be sound and we got on great. we then met our instructor Grant, who in his own words is a 'miserable c**t'. he was however easy to talk to and the best diver there. the first two days consisted of hitting a classroom to watch instructional videos. (note that these are about as pleasurable as a kick in the sack) luckily the afternoon consisted of hitting the scuba training in a pool. this was all pretty good fun, except for the fact i was freezing and my nipples looked like i was smuggling peanuts under the wetsuit. the whole scuba thing is pretty simple, probably as out instructor was so good, but its one hell of a lot less scary than i thought snorkelling was. the second day was much the same, luckily we got into the pool after a refusal because of the typhoon hitting the coast.
we spent the nights getting together in generally the same places, head to Rainbow (dive place) then onto Guava, one seriously cool bar. it was then that we
The Ugly
myself in Guava. studios as ever met what kinda became a little family for a few days. i got speaking to an english guy called josh after enquiring about the chips he was eating and he in turn introduced me to rowan from edinburgh. awesome dude, and we found out he was on the same suicide bus as me from Hanoi. unfortunately for him, he got the whole brunt of alley's constant natter (see Child of Satan under the Hue blog). met a lovely girl called judith who i initially thought was rowan's missus, she turned out to be his sister and a Dane called Mikael joined us. real funny guy in a weird danish way. we partied the night long, cant remember what i was spouting but it all seemed to be a fantastic night. luckily rowan and judith were in the same hotel as me, so we could walk back together without being molested by wallet thieving hookers (everywhere here apparently). i think i scare the off with the ginger beard of doom, unfortunately the beard doesn't distinguish between scaring off vietnamese or western women. that night was also cool because i saw my first ever live rat. reminded me of Minimay 😉
guava again
lock up your daughters...introducing mr Crash Anova sadly the typhoon hit after the pool dives. this sucked because it meant no heading to see tomorrow and after another good night in the rainbow and guava me/judith/rowan wandered back in the rain. this really sucked. in the meantime crash had taught us all a wierd dice game that tested my brain (or lack of). met more people, bought more guinness and at last we headed out to sea at 7am. after an hours journey from the coast we finally reached the dive site and got all our gear on. wetsuits really accentuate a guy's 'junk', makes you feel like david bowie in Labryinth or one of the early blackadder episodes with the russian codpieces. we hit the water, me with Grant and Crash with a japanese instructor Takae. headed down and life was good. the only small problem, rather it somewhat major come to think of it, was that visibility was only 1m. the typhoon had stirred up the water and we could see shit. but it was all still good fun. we did two dives a day for the next two days, generally seeing little except coral and a few cool fishies. i had to have grant
Mikael
So good the Dane's hated to see him leave explain to me at 60ft under that i should keep my hands in while swimming, while he flipped open his pad to write this, i caught a glipse of a massive bus stop willy he had drawn. being childish this made me giggle uncontrollably. giggling under the sea with a regulator in your mouth is not good. on our final dive we finally saw more stuff, but the visability was pure shite and we couldnt do anything about it. because of this i was swimming along and after about 2 minutes heading along, i realised i hadnt seen Grant. bugger. looked around for another minute and headed to the surface, finally finding grant up there locating my bubbles. hey, at least i got to practice my emergency skills. so after another 40 minutes we were now PADI open water divers. one last surprise. throughout the boat trips, we had been told not to flush while it was stationary. some twat did. it also happened to be the exact moment i had one flipper off while trying to remove the other at the boats ladder. grant shouted something and told me i wouldnt make it up in time, so we had
World's Cutest Girl
cute, but she's a mean saleswoman (or Kid) of cigarrettes to head into the shit stained sea and swim as fast as we could away from the mountain dew/chocolate milkshake river heading towards us. thankfully the current took a hold and it headed away to the advanced divers who quickly had to don masks and snorkels. after 10 minutes we managed to get cleanly back to the boat and out of the wetsuits, finish up and head back to terra firma. after a pint on the house we collected our cards and celebrated back in the local bars.
i was in guava with someone and mikael left to get cash then headed back an hour later. he'd just met the local mafia. he, cleverly, jumped into a military truck and then was surrounded by some guys who asked if he wanted to come see their bar. he said yeah and found himself in the company of Nha Trang's most powerful people. while normal people would run a mile, he came back thinking it was the greatest thing in the world and proceeded to try and make us join him (we later did, but i did a runner to the back of a scooter and bolted, drink still in hand).
World's second cutest girl
by request, but you still dont get rid of the other one ;) i'm not entirely sure if they were all that powerful, but considering the corruption in this country, i didnt want to find out.
sadly today is my last day, Crash went last night to Hanoi, Judith and Rowan previously to Da Lat, Josh is staying, Danielle, Lan are off, Mikael had to abandon his plan to hitchhike vietnam (3 hours, no rides). so today i'm alone and its nice, but i'd rather the company of this week. going to bars by yourself isnt that much fun. i stupidly went to get a shave in a barbers. it was about the most uncomfortable thing i've done here. a cutthroat razor + beard don't mix too well, but fair-dos the girl didnt cut me despite going against the grain. never again. so Da Lat tomorrow morning, maybe stay a night or two then Saigon and the possibility of free accomodation while down there.
bring on the cold!
dearan - The PADI paddy (courtesy of adam - now a legend)
ps. anyone who wants to know if we made the oh-so-obvious joke of 'Muff' Diving. yes. there will be a picture of crash's log book too.
oh and photos hopefully
Cham Towers
Cham Towers in the distance if i can borrow some of Judi.
for the other shots:
http://www.putfile.com/mr49er
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Judi
non-member comment
Good stuff
Your blog is so much more interseting than mine. Im rubbish at writing funny stuff, its all the same boring crap. Blah blah we're in Nha Trang, Hoi An... Boring! Ah well i know where to look if i need a laugh in the future dont i hehe. Aaaawww it was fun in Nha Trang, we were like a wee famly weren't we :) Ur first rat, Cant believe u thought it was a dog haha. Wish we'd stayed to get our diving finished. Oh well. Oh and feel free to take photos Hopefully meet soon. luv Jude xx