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Published: December 9th 2014
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Gator Farm
They pack thousands of them in per pen, no idea why the water is red even though I asked. When we went to Canada and dropped the dogs off, Jiggy got super excited about his ten day rape-cation where he rapes all the other little dogs at the dog hotel. Minnie just put her little paws on the glass and looked at us like we were giving her up for adoption. It was heartbreaking. Plus she was sure to be one of Jiggy’s rape-ees. Some lady sitting in our seats on the plane to Canada went absolutely nuts when I mentioned it. The stewardess helped out (are they all called stewards now like actresses are called female actors now?) thank goodness because the lady was about to try and choke me out and what she lacked in physical strength she made up for in liver spots and crazy.
We talked to about 60 different people while we were in Toronto and not one of them was in Toronto 50 years ago. I wonder what it was like then, I imagine just Will Smith, a German Sheppard and the CN Tower with tumbleweeds rolling around. I feel like people should shorten instincts to just stincts. Hey man, you gotta trust your stincts. Adam’s wedding was the most intimate I have
They skin them
And sell the skin and give me the meat and I feed it to Aunt Becky. ever been a guest at. Only close family and friends made it seem more special than having a bunch of acquaintances drinking their faces off. Good to see the Kostecki clan for the first time in a while. They all seem to be getting shorter and cuter, especially Netti.
Whilst strolling along a nice waterside park, a friend of Maria’s son pretended to Iron Man blast this biker off her bike and at the same time she bit it hardcore and flipped forward into the grass. This served the double purpose of being hugely entertaining and convincing the four-year old boy he had super powers. It couldn’t have worked out better even if we had hired her.
I drove 50% of all the kilometers I added to my car last year in seven days in Toronto. I felt severely old as I was amazed by GPS technology and was frequently the slowest driver on the road. The highest speed limit I encounter in Colombia is 90 (km/h) and nowhere in Canada are you allowed to drive under 120. Probably the most uncomfortable discussion I had was listening to several people explain to a seventy-year-old couple why pubic maintenance
Julius Ceaser
The gator farm randomly had this leopard at it, it came with the farm when they bought it. It was much stranger than it sounds, it was like a Bond Villain compound. was a thing.
I recently got my first traffic ticket here in Colombia for going FOUR miles an hour over the speed limit. I was going 41 in a 37 (66 in a 60). This is a country where people consistently turn right from the left hand turn lane. Taxis stop in any lane at any time to pick up customers, including in the middle of an intersection, a two lane roundabout, etc. You cross a busy intersection by inching your car out until you are blocking the lane, and continue to do this across all lanes of traffic. Where pedestrians blast recklessly into traffic on the highway to prove they won’t be hurried by the cars (and unsurprisingly nearly 20 are hit every day). No one follows any rule of the road. Stop signs are laughable suggestions. Motorcyclists live free from all regulation; driving the wrong way on the shoulder, passing on all sides, riding on sidewalks. Human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together, MASS HYSTERIA. But I was going four over and got a hundred and fifty dollar ticket. Well it was only seventy-five dollars if you attended a class. The class was really entertaining, Colombia has
some STRICT drinking and driving laws. If you are a taxi driver/trucker and you get caught drinking and driving, the fine is in the tens of thousands of dollars (the minimum wage here is about four grand American a year) and you lose your license forever. I have certainly ridden with some drunk taxi drivers in Korea (so drunk we once got out at a red light and he didn’t seem to notice) and Brazil (pretty much all of them after 2am) but not here, so I guess it is working.
At some point while in Canada we got into discussing our worst toilet stories. I can’t discuss the winner of said conversation but it definitely topped my horrible experiences in both Ecuador and the Delhi train station. In a similar scatological vein, I have been here for eight years off and on and there’s still not a month that I don’t suffer from some extreme diarrhea. Our dog Minnie partied so hard that her reproductive organs disintegrated, and I thought Pig Roast at Xavier was hard on my body. Our pediatrician who has terrible English hilariously used the word ‘cunt’ instead of ‘gut’ much to our dismay and
The Freshly Minted Mr. and Mrs. Kostecki
Congrats to you both even though it was months ago. amusement. Not a common mix-up thankfully but one you don’t expect to hear come out of your doctor’s mouth. If Norton Antivirus was a person I'd kick it right in the grundle. It does let me Jackie Gleason yell "Nooooooorton!" frequently though. Nice thing about my two years of intensive chopstick training, when I forget my fork I eat my lunch with two of the kids' paintbrushes.
Anyways, I just wanted to write this last blog post (stitched together of partially written blog posts that never made it to publication) before I give it up for good. It’s called a travelblog and other than visiting family, I don’t think I have a lot of travelling in my near future. Maybe I’ll pick it up a few years down the road when we’re on the road again. The pictures do a much better job of explaining what I've been up to the last year and what I'll be up to for the next few as well.
Book: I was thinking of the top 20 books I have ever read and this is what I came up with, although some of it is quite embarrassing as an adult,
And here in Colombia
People have the nanny attend the birth so they can go right into the hands of the person who will be doing all the real work of raising them. it affected me when I read it and so here it is in no particular order. 12 and 13 I read this year so who knows if they’ll stand up after a few years reflection.
1. Mother Night – Vonnegut. To be fair, if I hadn’t decided not to repeat authors there’d be five or six Vonnegut ones here.
2. Catcher in the Rye – J. D. Salinger, tough to decide between this and Franny and Zooey.
3. Cannery Road – Steinbeck
4. Darkness At Noon – Koestler, Arthur
5. Heart of the Sea – Philbrick, Nathaniel
6. Shantaram - Gregory David Roberts
7. Leaves of Grass – Walt Whitman
8. Man’s Search for Meaning – Victor Frankl
9. 100 Years of Solitude – Gabriel Garcia Marquez
10. In Cold Blood – Truman Capote
11. Tuesdays With Morrie – Mitch Albom
12. Think Like a Freak – Levitt, Steven D.
13. Brain Rules for Baby – John Medina
14. Into Thin Air – Krakauer, Jon
15. A Fire Upon the Deep – Vernor Vinge
16. The Stand – Stephen King
17. A Fault
Iron Man Kid
Yes I know we're doing Spiderman here but he was doing Iron Man when he blasted that girl off her bike. in Our Stars – John Green
18. Midnight’s Children – Salmon Rushdie
19. Flowers for Algernon – Daniel Keyes
20. Ender’s Game – Orson Scott Card.
Movie: Crash Reel is excellent and if you want to see The Jersey Shore style hook up drama but with really old people watch the documentary, King’s Point.
Music: My five song playlist for the last year would be:
1. Still Parade – Actors
2. The Boxer Rebellion - Diamonds
3. Asaf Avidan - One day / Reckoning Song (Wankelmut Remix)
4. Sigur Ros - Varuo
5. The entire album Benji by Sun Kil Moon
“A story has no beginning or end: arbitrarily one chooses that moment of experience from which to look back or from which to look ahead.” ~ Graham Green
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Alisa Gardiner
non-member comment
yeah
Forgetting all about the fact that this is a 'travelblog' site, if you could just wake up every day and blog about the phonebook, your dog, your breakfast choices...whatever, I'll at least have a reason to start the day off with a laugh. Because hey, it's all about me and laughing. And you write funny shit. :) Cheers from Colorado. Alisa