Going Commando in a Tuxedo

So I’m home, overlooking Jesus once again.* Operation ‘Don’t Die in a Fiery Plane Crash’ was a success. Only in Latin America have I heard the passengers clap when the plane lands. The trip home was a mixture of awesomeness, best exemplified by having my arm around a black man while singing Dixieland Delight at Bob’s wedding and the not quite so awesome inability to score a QuikTrip hotdog prior to the wedding. Thanks to those who aided my poorly planned blundering by driving me places (mostly Madhu), lending me cell phones (mostly Matt), lending me a place to sleep (mostly Matt again), taking me shopping (Madhu and Kelly), taking me out to eat (Aunt Becky, Pops-twice, Kelly, etc.), giving me money (pops and grandpa), taking Steph to the airport (Matt and Ty- why two people you ask?) and everyone else who aided me or spent some QT with me. As always I didn’t do everything I wanted to do, and as always this mostly is due to my poor planning. I would’ve liked to see my other Aunt, spend some more time with my siblings and their daughters although I might not be able to type had I spent much more time with Tegan who bites fingers in a manner reminiscent of the baby from A Series of Unfortunate Events. I missed some friends and didn’t manage to solve the financial crises while creating my own with overspending but overall it was a success. I am back at work, and by work I mean I had to work a half day Friday, have a WHOLE week this week, then I have nine days off for Fall Break whatever that means. I am thinking of going up into the desert again, hopefully in less volatile company than my last trip. More salt flats, camping, hammock sleeping, ocean, danger, fear, kidnappings, etc. Normal Colombian stuff. Since returning I’ve been busy not doing all the back up work, playing Madden rather reading the books I returned with and watching a bunch of DVDs Tom and Josh Linn made for me, which makes them better friends than everyone who didn’t. I have popcorn for dinner more than I care to admit. I think silver is the lamest color of car. I think I’m going to start wearing more camoflage pants in preparation for my eventual kidnapping and subsequent escape through the jungle. Plus - for fashion. My only hope for the financial crises is that they’ll somehow lose track of my student loans. Adam and I raced to see if we were going to go out and tear the club up. He wanted to and I didn’t. You’ll all be happy to know that Darrell Arvin didn’t totally screw me over and we returned home.** Did anyone know they made a fifth Highlander (The Source) film? Let a brother know. Considering that smell is the sense most tied to memory I think the tradition of burning the dead at a funeral was pretty freakin’ unpleasant. I think we underestimate how much of a drug caffeine is. I have determined that I’m decidedly anti-balloon. Tyson told me some hilarious stuff about being a cop including how to kill a deer without shooting your service weapon and how bad it hurts being hit with a taser, both experiences I hope to experience soon. Here’s a funny conversation with a Lee’s Summit Wal-Mart employee while I was trying to buy chewing tobacco for a friend who is foolish enough to think that putting the stuff in his mouth is a good idea.
Wal-Mart lady: Can I see your driver’s license?
Me: I don’t live in the United States, I don’t have a driver’s license but here’s my Colombian Identification.
Wal-Mart lady: (immediately confused and mildly panicked - staring at ID, getting out book of foreign ID cards) Let me ask my manager.
Me: Okay
Wal-Mart lady: I need a driver’s license.
Me: Why would I have a US driver’s license if I don’t live in the US?
Wal-Mart lady: Okay, do you have a state ID?
Wow.

Am I the only one who upon seeing someone with pink eye assumes they accidentally put a finger through the TP while wiping and then itched their eye? My quick take on current events: This isn’t the John McCain I was all for in 2000. If the candidate you voted for last time leaves office with an approval rating under 30% you should receive a one-election voting penalty for demonstrating poor judgment. Thinking military force is the answer in this day and age to America’s problems abroad is pure foolishness, focusing on winning a battle while losing a war. Have Mormons always been super conservative? Maybe they just hate black people.***


New Music: Notwist and My Morning Jacket

New Reading: Into Thin Air, Krakauer.

New Kids on the Block: Making a comeback and still amazing. They should make a calendar of their aging groupies.

New Take on the Chief’s season: 13-3

Freebird,
~T

The best advice you can get, really, is from a bunch of guys while you’re drinking. ~ Tyson. So true.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to. - Dorothy Parker.

To achieve an ordered society, we have to eliminate the root cause of crime - all the people. ~ Stephen Colbert


*Jesus sits in the front row of my class.

** Darrell Arvin pushed me after a catch in back yard football and destroyed my knee, ruining my chances at being the fastest white man alive.

*** Utah is the state that has the least support for Obama at 25% beating all other states by a pretty large margin, followed by Mississippi at 32%.

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