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Published: June 27th 2011
"Bon Iver - Calgary"
Ten minutes ago, while watching a movie with a friend I had just met it finally hit me. Time to go home. July 2nd!
I just arrived in Bogota, like seriously, less then 30 minutes have past. It happened exactly like how I thought it might. I told my friends and family that I would know exactly when it would be time for me to return home. I would be hiking somewhere, reading a book at breakfast or whatever. And suddenly out of nowhere I would realize it was time to go home. It hit me while watching a movie in Bogota Colombia.
I got off the couch, called Air Canada and booked my flight home.
About a month ago I met a really cool girl from Ecuador while staying at a hostel in Buenos Aires. We got to talking and I learned that her father had passed away from cancer four years ago. I had sensed something about her...it was strange to find out that she too had been affected by cancer. I asked her if it still hurts, if the pain ever really goes away. She shed a tear and looked down.
That was all the answer I needed. And while I was sitting on the couch watching that movie only minutes ago, I couldn't help but think of that moment. It made me realize something that perhaps I didn't want to accept. No matter how long I travel, stay on the move and try to find happiness through my backpacking experiences. None of that would ever truly fill the void. How could it? And I can only heal so much by doing so.
If I return home tomorrow, or a year from now, the sting will remain and my mom will not be waiting for me. I've be fortunate to travel where I have and meet the people I've met. And I know that my mom has traveled with me every step of the way. I cant help but think that perhaps it was her that made me realize that it was time to stop traveling and return home. In the end, its the people you love and who would love you that will help you to truly heal. I guess this trip has helped me to find clarity, I know where I belong.
I've had some amazing times and met some courageous and amazing people. But in the end, I want to hug my Dad, my sisters and my brother. I want to hug my grama and all my friends who I call my brothers. There are so many people I want to hug! A friend of mine I met from Buenos Aires made a passing comment about wishing she could know the meaning to life. I said, "that's easy, your friends and family! The relationships you forge are all you have!" She said, "but that's not the MEANING TO life!" I replied, "Perhaps you need to look at it from a different perspective. Its not what is the meaning OF/TO life. Rather, ask your self, what GIVES your life MEANING?"
I know very well what gives my life meaning!
When I return home I will update all the rest of my blogs, I am far far behind. But for now, this will be my last blog written in South America.
I'm going home and I'm bringing my memories with me!
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Sherry Green
non-member comment
"Home" will welcome you back into the fold.
Hey Tim - so very happy to hear of your decision - I believe you've now passed through that first horrible stage of grief - there will be many more chapters in your book of life, and it's super that the next one will begin in our own great country - can't wait to see you - put me on your hug list please!! Love and Hugs, Auntie Sherry