Five go Horseriding

---

So, wandering around the lovely village happen across a horse riding tour for that afternoon. 4 hours up in the high Andes. The saleswoman showed me photos of what I would be up to, trek through the mountains, traverse rivers, amazing views. The package looked good and for £25 quid I was in. So duly at the appointed hour arrived and met my fellow cowboys for the afternoon.
Those of you following my adventure know that nothing ever goes to plan and so before I begin my tale a few introductions of my fellow riders are in order:
Andres, an American engineer now residing in Santiago.From Chilean heritage he grew up in Florida. As tall as me and I guess the same build. With Andres was his delightful and very attractive chilean girlfriend Claudia, a critical care nurse in one of the main hospitals in Santiago. Andres and Claudia met some four years ago and are in a lovely relationship living in Santiago.
Finally Alejandro and Lesley , a charming husband and wife combo also from Santiago. Both speak no english. Alejandro is an architect and typical Chilean appearance. His wife Lesley is also a engineer but in business administration. I think it is something to do with I.T. Both lovely people with the chilean attitude to life.
Before we set off we were given a sombrero to wear, which the Chileans call a 'chupella' It was a straw hat to protect us from the sun. None of the drawstrings to tighten to the head worked and mine did not fit properly. For extra comedic value a little label was attached to the brim with the company logo. Quite why this was I do not know because they were shit hats so no one in their right mind would keep them, and they seemed more trouble than they were worth. I should have asked for my money back and walked away then but as we all had to wear one I persevered. "to protect you from the sun" said our guide. Blimey, health and safety has reached Pisco Elqui.
So the plan. Drive up to the stables some 1800 mts above sea level,jump on the horse, ride out into the mountains, a bite to eat then return.
The journey took 30 mins to get there. Time left on horse now 3 hrs allowing for return journey as our guide,who I will call Shorty, had another tour to the observatory at 7pm. Shorty spoke english too and wondered , as he gave a history of the area to my Chilean amigos, if I wanted a translation. I told him that was not necessary, as it was disturbing the flow for my companeros but that if it was anything to do with my personal safety, or something of importance, then I would appreciate an English translation.
I should have stopped the van there and then and got out. There was a vibe about Shorty that did not fill me with confidence. But charging along the narrow lanes of the valley, miles from anywhere and under a boiling sun,jumping ship now did not seem a clever thing to do.
We reached the stables in some remote spot and it all seemed a bit Mickey Mouse to me.
Shorty had to sort out all the horses for us, whilst the owners just watched. Also the horses in the stable seemed too placid to me, nothing like the horses Yann and I rode in Chiloe. The spark in these horses eyes seemed to be missing. Now i must admit the my knowledge of horses and how to train them you could write in the back of a postage stamp but they had the appearance of being drugged. I had images of them being badly treated to get them to be so timid and placid. I had no evidence at all to support this but It was just my gut feeling.
It took ages to sort out the horses. Both Andres and myself being over 6 feet tall, they had to unsaddle and then re-saddle the horse with a bigger model. At this point the owners finally helped..
Time taken. 30 mins. Potential time horse riding into the delights of the Andes 2.5hrs.
My horse was a black gelding. A beautiful animal who was called.... 'Joker'.
I should have walked away there and then. There was something about the whole set up that was summed up in the name of my horse. But being 1800mtres high in the mountains it was a #ing long walk back to the village.
A few pictures were taken of us wearing are comedy hats to protect us from the sun. The wind was starting to get up and because of the drawstring defect I knew I would be spending more time trying to keep my hat on than riding a horse.
So of we set at a funeral pace. Clip... Clip. It was painfully slow. All in a line following in a line, Shorty at the lead.
The horses had clearly done this trip a million times and I could have let the reins go and sat there. It was the complete opposite to my experience in Chiloe. My horse then, Jose-Pinto, so full of life and beans. You felt like you were riding a a happy animal. This experience was like being on a merry-go-round at fairground. Sad horse with even sadder eyes.
Still, we were off. Riding up into the Andes.
Ten minutes in and the hats we were wearing turned out to be really more trouble than they were worth.
I was now the lead horse. The two girls behind me followed by Alejandro, finally Andres.
And then disaster! My hat blew off! Honestly. The wind gusted and blew my hat off!
I knew I should not have come. My lovely straw chupella, with the tour companies label attached that fitted so well and was so useful flying away in the breeze. The label now becoming apparant to me. The Andres must be littered with tour company straw hats and when all collected they can be easily returned.
Unfortunately the same disaster fell upon Alejandro but with far more serious consequences. His hat blew into the face of Andres' horse which was startled, reared up and then charged into the back of Alejandros horse. This horse too then bolted and charged off, throwing Alejandro from his saddle. Total disaster. Andres' horse was still rearing up and so, in Andres' words "I bailed!" Andres literally threw himself from his horse as it would not stop rearing up. The horses we clearly scaring each other. Luckily mine was so spaced out that I do not even think it knew what planet he was on.
So there we were. Alejandro thrown and lying on his back in pain. His left knee already the size of a balloon, his right knee badly cut. Andres covered in dust but otherwise OK.
The two girls in shock. Me? Lit a cigarette wishing I had bought my 1830's Spanish dictionary with me. Now how do I say " this is a #ing calamity and I demand a refund!"
Shorty was a little disturbed by this but clearly had not a clue what to do. He made Alejandro comfortable and then rode off to get help.
There we stood. For about twenty minutes. I wandered what help shorty would bring. Ambulance? Unlikely. First aid kit maybe? Twenty minutes later he returned with...... another horse for Alejandro!
The rider that came with him took Andres' horse away and then poor Alejandro had to mount the new horse. Crazy.
Ten minutes later we crossed a river on horseback. 'This is more like it.' I thought. Still clip clopping along but feeling like a cowboy from the old wild west. We stopped in the river to allow the horses to drink. The five of us looking like a bunch if outlaws having robbed a bank in the nearby town. Alejandro in pain from a brush with the law, but the loot we took was worth it. Sun on our backs and miles from anywhere. Ahead was the open road and the county line. A large lake where we could rest awile and split the loot.
We reached the other side of the river and......dismount. The flying hat incident would not give shorty enough time to make it back for his 7pm tour.
Stood around by the river drinking orange juice and eating grapes for 40 minutes! It was a lovely spot but come this was taking the #ing piss. I could have eaten grapes and drink orange juice in my hostel room. And I would not have to wear a #ing stupid hat! Kicked heels and took pictures of Andres and Claudia.
Remount and back to base.
I had had just about enough and with base in sight kicked my horse into a double trott, and actually rode my horse for a couple of minutes.
Total ride time about 35 minutes.
Back in the village poor alejandros knee was the size of a melon and looked very painful. " I theenk he needs go to hospital" said Shorty.
"No shit Sherlock!"
I bumped into my companeros later that night at a restaurant.
Alejandro had a bandage on his knee and they had given him an injection. And that was it. He would have to wait til he got back to Santiago for a better examination.
So, 5 drank beer and had supper.
Disco out.

---

Photos

Me on Joker the horse
with stupid hat ´to protect frum zee sun¨

The mighty Rio
that we crossed and then stopped for tea!