Iguasu Waterfalls and why to never leave your Loki

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So this is probably my last backpacking trip for a long time, if not for the foreseeable future as I return to trying to set up a life in Lima looking for a job and a flat, and wow, did it make me not want to do this any more rather than make me miss it!

And was it worth it? Well... let’s see the conclusion after I write the whole affair down! The italicised bits are the bits about the actual waterfalls if you want to skip the joke that has been my life the last 5 days... it’s a very small part of this tale...

Pretty much all my own doing, this is all started a bit wrong where I decided to return to La Paz XCE;LOP[..;LO NNNNNNMMMMMMMMNNNNNNN (just had to run down as the bus left the station with the door wide open... this literally gets better every moment I’m here! Hahaha)... Anyway yes, I decided to go back to La Paz to be there for St Patrick’s Day and the 4 year anniversary of Loki there. All the managers and some friends from Lima and other Loki’s and hostels were going to be there, like a reunion but with people I actually wanted to see, I couldn’t resist. So I found some flights to still make it to Iguasu in time but miss Cat by a day, I went back for a week.

I had already done the bus journey from La Paz to Santa Cruz and it’s straight, comfortable, they give you a blanket and it is probably one of the best bus journey’s I’ve had, definitely for Bolivia at least. So I decided to save some pennies and get the overnight bus to meet my flight in Santa Cruz and avoid the deathly bus ride through the Paraguayan Chaco. This is where it all starts to give me signs that this was no easy journey and I had obviously been having it too easy of late. The bus must have been going about 40 mph the whole journey, because an hour after our estimated arrival time (of a 15 hour bus journey) we pull over to the side of the road and sit, and wait. What’s going on? We need water and we’re going to wait for someone to bring it. How far are we from our destination? 70 km. Another gringa gets off and I decide to follow and see if I can join her and another girl hitch-hiking. Thankfully she, a girl from La Paz and I manage to get picked up by a super nice couple and they take us the remaining way that turns out to be another hour more!

By this point I’m stupidly late for check-in... no bother because my plane ends up being delayed, delayed, delayed until approximately 18:00. The reason for this was never confirmed, but considering that the all airport seemed to come to a standstill because a certain Shakira was arriving at the airport, and all anyone could do was pin themselves against the glass windows to try and get a glance at the speck that she was across the airfield... and as soon as she left suddenly so did we... I’m pretty sure this is why. I planned to meet my friend for lunch but because I was late I didn’t and then as the delay was undisclosed I couldn’t leave and ended up not eating, not sleeping, not washing or anything until on the plane where they generously gave us a tiny midget roll of cheese and jam.

Passing out from stress and exhaustion we arrive to Asuncion and I manage to get right to the front and leave straight off as I’ve left my big backpack in La Paz. I come out and a random man changes my dollars for Guarani, the Paraguayan currency. Thinking Paraguay is the cheapest country in South America and $5 will do me for the one night I plan to spend here, I only change $5 for 25,000 Guarani or something like that. Having read to just get a taxi as it’s on the meter, I get lured to a taxi for 100 Guarani... just after leaving the conversation begins where I ask the driver if he has change for my 2,000 note... “what do you mean change, it’s 100,000 (shows me the note)”, ok that’s interesting but that doesn’t answer my question, I’m glad you have notes of 100,000 guarani but I just want change for 2,000... terrible lost in translation Spanish and confusion of numbers and hundreds and thousands continue until I realise that the ride isn’t 100 Guarani but 100,000! The equivalent of $25! That’s all the dollars I have left so I give him that and he rips me another one not giving me change and by this point I cannot be bothered. Jesus Asuncion is in no way cheap either. By the time I arrive at about 20:30 it’s dark and bar and restaurant time. There’s no shops. No-one sells water. You can’t drink the water. The street food is just some burgers. So I resort to buying some chips from the restaurant nextdoor and a bottle of water for £6. When I comment that even Lima is cheaper than here, it is explained to me that Paraguay has no petrol source of its own, so it’s all bought in, and therefore everything’s really expensive due to the cost of living from the cost of oil. Who knew...

Checking with a gringo who refers to the wonder that is Lonely Planet that there is no time-difference between Paraguay and Bolivia, and getting the down-low on the bus I need to take the next morning, early to bed and early to rise I head off before breakfast is served. All goes fine until we drive past a street clock that tells me there is a time difference and I am an hour behind and have successfully missed the bus I should have taken. Awesome. Thank you Lonely Planet. Arrive to the bus station, next one isn’t for hours. After being warned that the cheaper and lesser known ones stop all the time, I don’t care and I just want to get on a bus so I go with another one of middle-price range and it actually is a bus cama, and leaves pretty much on time (Latin American on-time meaning just half an hour late). This all goes a treat until I hear a vague “Puerto Iguazu” shouted from below... which is where I’m headed. From what I read I was meant to go to Cuidad del Este and I can get to Argentina easily from there. Suddenly this guy throws some random stop in the middle of nowhere in the mix and the girl next to me agrees that we’re going to Brazil, not Argentina. Having forgotten my own Lonely Planet and no idea of geography I’m stuck and I give in to fate and just go with what I can remember, after all, the three countries meet so how hard can it be to get there...

Arriving to Cuidad del Este (still Paraguay) I ask about getting to Argentina, yes just wait at bay 15 and the bus comes every half an hour. Buses come. Buses go. Some old ladies are waiting and look just as confused so I ask if they are going to Puerto Iguazu (Argentinian side), she replies, “Argentina?”. Brilliant. No-one would screw over old ladies, I’ve found a mark. Eventually a bus arrives at the bay and the ladies and another couple get on. Paid. Sat down. Ready to roll. About 5 minutes in we suddenly pull over and the driver says to go to the bus in front. Thankfully everyone looks as confused as me and somehow in my Spanish I gather that we’re in a queue and we just move to the bus in front of the queue and I tell the others. Fair enough. So I head to the front and realise the bus says Foz de Iguassu (Brazilian side). No. No. That’s not where I was going, I was going to Argentina. Wasn’t I? I ask the couple. No, they’re going to Foz. I find the old ladies. Also Foz! Why on Earth she said Argentina to me is another lost in translation mystery. The old ladies stay on the bus at the back obviously completely lost by the whole concept of just this part, and they’re actually Brazilian. I feel a bit better. I start wondering around aimlessly in the now rain and with severely diminished Guaranis having just bought my ticket for somewhere I didn’t want to go asking everyone how the hell I get to Argentina. Oh just wait here, buses come. Right. I doubt that as all the buses say Foz and the whole road is full so even if a bus went past I wouldn’t see it. Also on this street is a fat midget who also stares at me and says some kind of comments which were hard to say whether he was laughing, learing or hating. (I since read about the demon Pompero, a little demon who preys on single women and can only be lured off by rum and cigarettes, Maria pointed out that I blatantly met this Paraguayan demon and what a box to tick off that is haha!) I ask previous bus driver who just looks at me like a special case and keeps from laughing. Thankfully his friend is far more sympathetic as I’m on the edge of tears trying to get some sense out of anyone and he points to a yellow bus at the bottom of the hill that I need to get, “Run!”. Being a bright white, blonde-haired gringa is a pain at the best of times, there’s no way to camouflage here, even on this side where Brazilians look pretty European, in Cuidad del Este, I’m still a bright white beacon, a bright white beacon now running down a hill, trying to hold back the tears, trying to stop my backpack bouncing off my back, everyone shouting “corre”, “corre” (run, run) after me, and one old man shouting “...vaca...” (cow). Utter highpoint of my life that. Too distressed and focussed on this yellow bus of salvation I can’t go back and smack the guy round the head and I continue my run of humiliation. Eventually I catch the bus and make it to Argentina. Somehow missing the Paraguayan border crossing which will turn out to be another fantastic addition to this tale...

Finally things go right as I find my hostel, it’s nice, my roommates are nice, I have wi-fi so I find the top rated restaurant to eat at and buy myself a giant steak, a bottle of red wine and a lush dessert to make up for not eating for 3 days or sleeping more than 5 hours in a bed.

The next day I make it to Puerto Iguazu waterfalls and meet some really nice people in the queue who I go around the whole falls with. It is pretty damn amazing. The falls are so impressive. And the walkways take you right above them that all we could keep saying was “where is all this water coming from!?” Oh this is all slightly marred by the fact that the boat that capsized and killed two tourists, hurt others and apparently still left some missing, was still wedged in the water for almost every fall shot you could take and meant you couldn’t get to the island that does look pretty awesome. A very sad tale indeed, but read the news for that one. So yeah, Argentinian side didn’t leave to disappoint, it is massive and a good day’s worth of stuff to do, if not two if you follow their guide and spend time at every restaurant and gift shop. 5 hours later we’ve done pretty much all we can and we had back to meet up for dinner later and have a lovely mixed grill that definitely fills my confused belly from starvation to overfull every other day.

We arrange to meet the next morning to go to the Brazilian side as apparently the boat rides are still going on that side and I’ve heard about helicopter rides that entice me. The rain kicks off in the morning and I leave late and manage to miss the guys and leave a note. I decide to head to the point where the three countries meet, Paraguay, Argentina and Brazil. It’s not too far a walk and it’s quite a cool point to be at seeing the obelisks from each country on their respective corners (although I couldn’t see the Paraguayan one). I head back and the guys haven’t returned so I leave another note but realise that the staff are useless and even if I leave a note they don’t know who Maria is anyway, but well. Let’s do it.

I get on the bus that comes along to the bay I was told about earlier and says Foz de Iguassu on it. We cross over and at one point a gringo couple get told this is where to get off. Seeing as there is just a hotel around I assume this is where they were staying and heading and think nothing more of it... Until we start heading further and further away from the river and further into town. Brilliant. I realise I have got onto a bus for the town of Foz de Iguassu, not the waterfalls. Thankfully I realise this in time to keep an eye out and spot a bus terminal. Nevermind, I’ll just book my bus ticket out of here while I’m there. Except this bus terminal is the city terminal, not the international one. More lost in translations, no change houses to change the pesos I’ve withdrawn to pay for the day, I finally find a way back to the falls. I just have to wait for half an hour until it arrives. So an hour and a half wasted, I finally make it to the waterfalls of Foz de Iguassu at about 14:00.

The Argentinian side is renowned for being better. Which, well it is definitely more extensive and there’s more to it and is definitely better value for money as the walk on the Brazilian side lasts an hour if that, and everything else costs extra. But you get a fantastic view of all the waterfalls and the extent of it all including a walk where you go between two drops and really get a feel for the power these falls have. I have been lured into doing the helicopter ride and have just enough money put together to afford it. More lost in translations were head regarding money changing and lockers and nonsense but it’s enough, just, and I have no cents left after this but after the hell I’ve had, I never ever want to come back, and I’ve never been on a helicopter, and the photos I’ve seen look amazing, and why not, it’s just another $100 of the massive debt I’m making, a drop in the falls (pun intended). And man it was totally worth it. It was so much fun. So exciting. It was only 10 minutes but I loved it. It was so brilliant to also see the views over the rainforest. This is where all the water comes from, this endless rainforest. It was so amazing. And the pilot turned the helicopter about 90 degrees sideways a couple of times which was brilliant. Right over the Orient Express Hotel too.

Buzzing and excited I get my stuff and attempt my way back to get the hell out of dodge and make my way to Asuncion on a night-bus so save another night in this place and maybe see a bit of Asuncion in the process until my flight in the afternoon. After the morning’s debaucle I’m prepared and I know the Brazilian word for the bus station I’m going to, I even double-check that this one is the same one and there isn’t another one, and I make it without a trouble or a care.

Having already seen that there is a bus at 00:00 to Asuncion, this is what I’m going for. There are ones earlier but mean arriving in Asuncion at retard o’clock, or spending retard o’clock in Cuidad del Este, the city that laughed at me and called me a cow. No thanks. 00:00 it is. I find the company (that has no sign) and explain to the guy that I don’t need to get off for the borders because I never entered Brazil (as so many reports say it is pointless to do so if you are leaving the same day) and I missed the exit to Paraguay, so I can just sneak back into Paraguay and get my exit stamp when I fly out. No. No that just won’t do, in no way. Why? The company needs you to have all the proper stamps. So the government doesn’t care? No. It’s the company. Can’t I just stay on the bus? No, he can’t sell me the ticket until I have the full stamps leaving Paraguay and entering Paraguay. Really? Yes. Seriously? Yes. Why? You just do. Is there any other way? You can take another company that doesn’t care. But they leave at 20:00 and mean spending 5 hours in Cuidad del Este until the bus at 01:00. OH MY GOD this is ridiculous!

Fine. Defeated. I have no option. I have 5 hours to kill too so I guess it will give me something to do. What do I need to do. This is probably the one and only helpful person I have met in this triangle of doom and thank god for him because otherwise I think I would have run infront of a bus. All I need to do is take a colectivo that runs from outside to the border, get my stamps, and get one back. Easy enough. So I wait. I wait. I wait. Nothing. Taxi man, how much to the border and back? 30 Reals (£20). Screw that, I’ll wait for my collective. A taxi man sits next to me and asks what I’m doing. I explain the situation and he tells me that the border is shut and there’s no more collectivos coming through, I have no option. Really? Yes. You sure? Yes. How is the border shut if I’m meant to get my stamps? You can walk it just the collectivos don’t run after 7. It’s now dark and as no bus has arrived for the hour I’ve waiting I’m believing this guy. I ask helpful bus man and he says to take a moto-taxi. This is 20 Reals and isn’t a moto-taxi in the sense that most of us know. It’s literally just a guy on a motorbike while you hold on the back. Er no, I think I’ll chance the extra 10 Reals and not die on a motorbike thank you. So taxi takes me to the border of Paraguay, they thankfully don’t notice or don’t care that while I’ve been ‘in’ Paraguay I spent 2 days in Argentina and stamp me out. YAY. Then we head to Brazil and there’s a ridiculous amount of traffic. I ask the taxi driver why and apparently the government is imposing some new rules in Cuidad del Este about the taxis and standards so they are striking and closing the border for four hours at 8am in protest. Now this whole day and especially this evening has been hell, but thank Christ I did it this way because if I had stayed the extra night, I would have hit the road-block and not been able to get out at all and missed my flight.

Stamped out of Brazil, eventually return to the terminal, book my ticket, get it, kiss it, hug it, hold it tight, finally I can get the hell out of dodge and I spend my last reals getting some food at last after another day of starvation and then try and kill time before reading my book after lying down on the chairs and being told that this was not allowed... Well now really, of all the ridiculous things that have happened to me on this trip, I can’t even lie across the uncomfortable metal benches, that are empty I might add. Nope. A perfect example for the ridiculousness of this whole place.

Suddenly, Maria, one of the girls I met at the falls pops up, and wow it is so nice to have company and tell her the day that I had. It’s amazing what a bit of company can do to lighten your mood and give you that release. Especially when they hate the place as much as you.

So was it all worth it? Well, I guess it’s made a funny story, I’ll definitely never forget it, even if it is for the wrong reasons, and the falls were amazing, and I got to ride a helicopter. It’s made me appreciate Spanish, friendliness, common sense, and the amazing friends I have and continue to make out of pure coincidence and common hatred and appreciation.

After 10 months of just travelling Peru and Bolivia, people thinking it’s ridiculous that I haven’t gone further, I tell you, I am quite happy to just stay in these two amazing countries where the landscapes continue to take my breath away, the people are friendly, welcoming and warm, they aren’t overrun with tourists, it’s cheap enough that I can enjoy myself, do things, eat good food, eat terrible food, and I have no issues with borders as I sneak around as a Peruvian. All these other countries, so expensive, different currencies, different accents, different languages, different rules and ways and systems, well, it’s not for me!

As a side realisation, as miserable and painful and embarrassing as this experience was, at no point did I want to return to England, I’m sorry, but even with the ridiculousness of it all, I still want to be here than there any day...

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