Published: June 16th 2012
June 16th 2012
Top 3 Top Story
Now, from the news of the week on St Helena what is it that would be most engrossing to the international readership of this blog?
Clearly, news of the disappearing cat will be of interest to you animal lovers out there. On Tuesday, during a particularly blustery and wet evening a feline shadow, with markings very similar to those of Wahoo, paced past the window, and then was gone into the darkness of the night. I waited for the familiar shrill cry, but nothing. I waited for his return – there was none. Not only did the wretched cat not return, he didn’t so much as glance into the window seeking out his erstwhile friend (perhaps, I’m over-stating that) or even some kind of recognition that this had been his temporary home. So, Owen (owner of the said animal) I have packed away the litter tray and stored all those luxury tidbits that you had generously brought for your pet. I promise not to dig into the mouthwatering sounding ‘South Atlantic Petfood’ (apparently any type of pet will be nourished by this) unless the RMS is appallingly delayed by its dry dock session in the next few weeks. So, it would seem that Wahoo is still with us but prefers the lifestyle of a feral creature to the creature comforts of luxury pet food and a dry litter tray. I will keep my eyes peeled.
News that the island has a newly appointed financial Secretary – that, I feel certain would have been of interest to only a select few of the readership. Likewise the proposed 10% cut in government funding for all Directorates – perhaps I will leave that feature of UK government attempts to release itself from everlasting financial commitment to the island to a week where there isn’t another burnishing issue to be exposed.
As you know, ballroom dancing is on hold for the next few weeks – but do not worry that possibilities for social interaction are disappearing. I will be resurrecting my extremely short and dreadfully unsuccessful career in line-dancing next week and, of course, the skittles close-season ends next week when the 9 a side tournament begins and I shall do my best to drag the ‘Alcometers’ from the foothills of the league table to the peaks of championship contenders – Monday we meet the ‘Never Readys’ as I am sure they are not!
The local newspaper ‘The Sentinel’ (newspaper arm of the developing ‘St Helena Broadcasting (Guarantee) Corporation Ltd media empire) features ‘football hotshots’ and ‘rounders sluggers’ for the top scorers in their respective sports. I suspect that I shall soon be featuring in the corresponding table for my chosen sport – but what should I suggest we call this table – ‘Skittles ….’. I would be pleased to have your suggestions as I know (see further on), that the ears of this media organization listen carefully to each of my suggestions.
Which very neatly (and exquisitely planned) brings me to the major island story of the week – ‘The Top 3 Scandal’
. Some of you will know that I spend perhaps too much of my life thinking about top 3 – categorizing my various experiences into orders of significance and importance. Some may think this a quaint mental aberration; others may believe that it is just plain boring. Do not worry, I may come to visit you some day (just like members of one of the largest religious groups on the island) and attempt to convert you to the importance and power of the notion of ‘Top 3dom’. But I shall leave conversion to another day.
No, my story is one of subterfuge and larceny. You will recall, I’m sure, my suggestion to the yet to arrive FM radio stations (3 broadcasting channels) that they might consider a programme based on the idea of Top 3 (with, perhaps, an obvious candidate to host the programme) and that I may have mentioned the topic to the absurdly attractive wife of the editor (and Commander in Chief of the growing media empire) whilst embarking on a recent mountaineering adventure. Imagine my surprise, then, on reading the various tales of St Helena life in this week’s edition of ‘The Sentinel’ when I came to the ‘Coffee Break’ page.
At the bottom of the page, below the Sudoku (challenging level’), incomprehensible jokes and the ‘Did you know?’ trivia section – yes, underneath all these coffee break specials and at the very bottom of the page I find a section called ‘top 3’! I know you must be astonished. Not only has my idea (no copyright, I’m afraid) been purloined, not only was I ignored as their first guest but the first ‘victim’ (as the paper calls it) was a woman. Now, you may call me sexist in using gender stereotyping, but my experience has been that most women just don’t get the notion of top 3. I believe that the notion is more attuned to the male psyche with its tendency to feature a suggestion of an autistic-type interest in lists and categories. Now just prove me wrong if you can – female readers to my blog, confound my suggestions with your list of top 3 entries. This week’s victim could only come up with ‘top 3 countries I have visited’ – I think that I have proved my point. Top 3 countries – strewth!