The south of the south.. time for a chill! an i aint spell checkin, takes too long! Sorry!

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So, having wuite considerably "done" the crazy ass extreme stuff, it was on to the sotuhern loop again with the stray bus... new groups, new chats, ol faces from other buses an general relaxation an good times!

Headeds off for the Milfprd Sound bit via places that loked just like Wanaka, a BEAUTIFUL Lakeside town that was before Queenstown... The scenery here is just amazing! Its very like the rockies... All lakes with reflections of the jagged snow-capped moutnians, the sun shone, the brids sang and the days were groovy! Basically it was JUST what i needed after the madness of the poartyin an jumpin an flyin an ice-climbin...

Stayed in Tuatapere, with Lovely rolling hills for scenery, freindly staff an a CRAZY local farmer dude who took 6 of us out on his Jetboat an threw us around the river for a while, in like 3 inches of water! Those things are well cool! SO wanted a shot of the drivin, but alas, he was NOT for givin up that seat! It was amazing fun, tho! Yeah, so NOW i stop doin the crazy stuff then!

The hostel here is AWESOME too... A total little logcabin stylee vibe about it with a HUGE big rec room, pingpong table an big telly; views out on the blacony of the sunsetting on the hills an a quiet chilled out evening, complete with group chilli, yum!

Next stop was Milford sound, the STUNNING rocky mountains surrounding it and the =wonder that is the fjordlans... Beautiful place! WQyenb we left for it ti weas quite over cast an altho this sounds like it'd ruin it, it was actually quite fitting to see such oppressive an commanding scenerey in such an oppressive atmosphere... The clouds kinda added to the mystery an the sail around ther sound was well good... Went right out thru the sound into the ocean an back again. All waterfalls an rock faces an crazy jagged mountians... Loved it!

The drive back was AWESOME too... Went through all these valleys with giant rocky mountains ans waterfalls surrounding us everywhere! The maori call this area the "land of a thousand waterfalls" never seen so many in one place before! Altho the drive in was cloudy, theye all rose enough to show the tops of the mountains on the way back... They were stunning! Al glacial features an valleys.

Made our way to Invercargill to drop some folk off, bye to a few folks once more... then on to stewart island an the ferry! Yey! The boat is TINY! Spent the first 15minutes askin where it was, then realised it was soi feckin small i'd assumed it was a priavate speed boat! Oops! Shoulda guessed st island was gonna be a one off from this point... The ride was PERFECT! Normally itsz real shoppy, but the sum was shining, there was not one cloud in the sky and we could tsnad outside an watch mainland NZ disappear an St Island appearing on the horizon, nice one!
Got over there an realised there was no bank machine... not as in in this town - the ONLY one on the WHOLE island! - but on the WHOLE island! OOPS! Mnagaed to balg cah outta the hotel, then paid up at the hosltel an headed over to Ulva island ( yeah yeah, rude sounding but try be mature, eh?! 😉) on the FABH watertaxi, driven by a walkin stereotype of a seafring gent... Long straggly grey hair, a BIG chunky navy jumper an a pair of jandals... nice yin, sweet as, bro! He was lovely! Even let me sit up form of the teeny wee boat... well cool! saw a penguin on the way out too! yey!

Its a cool little island, still got a ll its original, not messed with by man, native pl;ants an tress, reallt unusual bird and plantlife and got a real chilled out vibe to it too...Saw loadsa birds an 3 cool little barely touched bays with lovely beaches. met the other locals here In ABUNDANCE! - the sandlfies! I HATE THE! I HATE THEM ALL! DEATH DEATH DEATH to them! Worse than midgies, the don't even mind bein in the sun! Wee buggers!

Ended up cacthin sight of parrots - green ones an grey ones - the weku brids, so tame they follow ya around on the ground like dogs! an i saw an oyster catcher WHICH TRIED to KILL ME! My own daft fault, really, i wandered along this beacj in ordere to stop the me killing EVERYTHING feelings due to sandflieness, an i saw these black birds wi red legs an beaks... went over to one n thought, hey cool, its cominb over this way! Nice pic! Then it TPTALLY divebombed me! Like BIG tiime! IU had to propoer duck an deck it face first opnto the beach, AND it still only just missed me! Feckin freaky thing! What the hell?! The i realised that i'd pracically stood on the poor thing's nest... Still, i SO wasn't gonna do anythin! Mentalist bird!

Headed back over to get picked up again an on the way a parrot TOTALLY dive-bombed me, too! Startin to think i'm some sorta crazy anti-bord viobe giving thing....oh the irony: nope, the bears of canada didn't kill her, nor the skydive, bungy or raftingof the crazy extreme sports in NZ, but alas, she died as the birds of stewart island pecked her to death! Bloody hell!

Went back over then spebnt the next 2 days doina few walsk around the oban township... yep. typical me: decide to have some me time, just me,. an end up in oban... cannae escape scotland sometimes! Know what tho, just like its scottish countepart this place is definitely a highlight of this wonderful country...

Managed to then befriedn as local's dog, who as it turned out actually totally saved my dumb traveller chilled out to the point of dumbness ass by following me for 3 HOURS! Yes, 3 HOURS, as i found the MOST MUDDY track in the world! In my flipflops of course... Actually ended up doin the whole mud between yer toes bare feet number, oh my lordy lordness! It was AWESOME! It was kinda scary at one point when i really did think that smudge (yep, i named the wonderful wee scamp, hey ya would if it was yer only companion after ya conveince yerself yer dyin on the sputhern most point of NZ, ok?!?) and i were goin to perish in the muddy mudness never to be heard from again! But thankfully, as i statred to douibt my mappin skills, nope no better AT ALL! an slow down, she starts racin around the corner so i run all muddy combat-stylee like a mental mad woman possessed around after her an barely miss bein consumed by a GIOANY mud puddle that i move from just in time... Tellin ye, smudge is my guardian angel! (an aye richie, i stole yer mate's name... told ya i was gettin a mate named smudge, mine saved me too...!). So thanks to ya smudge... Gonna try get yer pic up here, too. You'll be famous. Ok, onto next story i am addressin a dog on the internet by a name it does not have apart from in my crazy wee head... oh dear!

Met a lovely wee old couple who i kept bumpin into all over the place, then got my next stray bunch over on the ferry the follwin day an back to the mainland cghaos... Had a good few days just hangin out an bein groovy, TOTASLLY lucked out in dunedin an got a sneaky wee double room i the COOLEST most fawlty towers esque hotel ya ever di see! I mean ever ever! All it needed was a Cybil, oh yes, there was a basil... I nearly died! The carpets were all b an b craziness, the rooms were all nomatchin MENTAL patterned curtains, bedspreads an threadbare carpets, complete with that old people, we don't do duvets... here's 12 squagillion blankets all wrapped so tightly round the bed ya gotta find a crow bar to undo it! (why do they do that?!) I LOVED IT! Cat was off to the theatre to perv on half naked kiwi men (was most disgruntled to find there'd been a maori in the line up too, god damn NZ full monty! Shoulda gone, shoulda gone!) which SO worked for me, I got to sit IN MY PANTS IN MY BIG BED an watch shit telly on my own... Sounds quite run of the mill>?! Yeah, try 5 months hostellin then tell me ya don't love the in pnats telly watchin... And what was on, 2 guesses... YEP FAWLTY TOWERS! I nearly choked on my crisps! It was perfect! Utter comedy genius! Sittin in fawlty towers a la NZ watchin cleese arse everythin up an assault a very small car in yer grundies... heaven! Oh an dunedin's kinda cool, too... Walked up the steepest street in the world, that was rockin! Face same colour as very red skirt by the end of the "That don't look so steep" experience, then off we tootle to the next bit: bring on the Chch!

And I'm gonna get all contrvoversial here an say I LIKE CHRISTCHURCH! It is not scary, "folk'll mug ya if yer on yer own at night, watch yer purse" stylee like everyone says; it is also not boring schmoring as others mention, it is actually kinda funky groovy arty cool hip an happenin! I reckon... Did see a mock herion den in the window display of a christian boook shop, oh those crazy christians! Found THE BEST EVER retro store on manchester street, too - i SO would have filled a flat with the entire place if i was satyin there! Had a wander around an again discovered fawlty towers NZ numero 2 in the form of the fabby cokers... its WELL cool! Same crappy carpets, same crazy wood panellin an old furniture and THAT OLD PERSON SMELL that i forgot to mention a la dunedinm, that just seems to exist in certain buildings... oh, an this one's fulla nutter backpacker up for it lovely folks' too! So was the toher, but more in this one! AND the bunk beds are all in primary colours, so its even MORE like being a kid as ya climb into your top bunk that is BLUE AN RED AN YELLOW! Get in! Spent a few days here just hangin, chillin in the GORGEOUS sunny botanical gardens, checked out the cool an groovy art centre and cultural district wi its old boys' school university buildin archuitecturally yummy vibes an independet artists' marletplaces an stalls an shops: found one AMAZING gallery with this maori designed-stuff that's so encapsulating! i found the stuff totally engrossing, got the name written dwon somewhere... Gott aget some prints when i'm back! Foudn the churchy bit, erm, "befriended" some lovely belgians, an got a bit wazzocked in the bars, even found a gig or two, ior was it three, not quite sure the endin of that one... 😉 loved it, in short!

Headed back up via the LOVELY Kaikoura: mountains on one side and the blue blue sea an sandy beaches on the other... sun shone, the hostel had a pool AND a spa an BBQ, met some awesome people an felt like i was proper on holiday what wi the sit by the pool an read yer book vibes fleein aroon the joint... Aaah, this is how we relax in the sun, then?! Manged to FINALLY finish my first book, yep! 4MONTHS into the trip! Its ace, but it was kinda hardcore mental endin like, few things to think about before i go to marrakech an the like then, ta drew!

Met yet another MENTALIST stray bus driver, i swear, who gave these crazies their licenses, never nmind the tourist driver jobs... seriously now, they drive like me, an hey, those who've been in suzi or any of the other autos i have previously terroroised KNOW what i'm sayin now... So, this one was special, an no not in a groiny way, but in an entertainment purposes stylee: (a) he does actually look LIKE A REAL LIFE HOBBIT! Complete wo hairy feet an an annoyin cutesy yer gonna let nme away wi it tho aren't ya? ness about him (b) the third day i had him as a driver we all ferried back to wellie, ON HIS BIRTHDAY, thius got pretty much pished as the proverbial farts on the trip playin that BLOODY ring o fire game, which i lost 3 out of 4 an got the last king... Seasick, nae chance! Beer sick, hmmmm perhaps... met up wi some previous stray pals, yey for mon petit choux fleur an moya! that night in the hostel, an i have vague recollections of checkin in an goin to see some gig in mighty mighty - top spot for wellie live music vibes, by the way...! THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT BAGGINS (yep, that's the driver! Love it!) then the next day not feelin so fabaroonie... but still had a wicked few days wi moymoy an alliebaba! Didn't wanna leave wellie, i REALLY LIKE IT here, think itas my fave NZ city... or leave the guys, but had to, oh the hardship! to go to fiji - aye aye i know, yer heart bleeds, eh?! Woe is me...

I am now gonna attempt to not spend the next TEN MILLION YEARS writin an publishin the next one... FIJI! It HAS to get its won tho, It has profoundly changed me... I have a peice of my heart buried in a waterfall in vorovoro - taht is a metaphor mum, please don't fly out to fiji, i promise i still have all my major organs, really! 😉

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