Views from a giant

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How many stray pubes in your hotel room is too many?

Not a question that we thought we’d have to ask ourselves but, alas, we did at one of the hotels a few days ago on our journey down the north island. Unfortunately stray pubes were not the only issue, and we spent a fair amount of time at the front desk and were very glad of our short stay at this establishment. A particular low point: having to wipe the brownish gunk from the shower prior to use and then, mid shampooing, the water changing from tepid to the temperature of a thousand suns with no warning at all. It certainly kept one on one’s toes (although it was probably sensible to be on tiptoe already, if not in flip flops, given the aforementioned foreign pubic hair situation). We were due to stay in the same chain of hotels when we reached Queenstown and, being the princesses we are (“I am not staying in a shit hole like that again” says Charlie), we had a quick word with our lovely travel agent and quietly cancelled the reservation.

The journey down through the rest of the north island was uneventful and beautifully picturesque. We stayed a few days in Napier and walked up Te Mata Peak. Local legend has it that, in a bid to end the war between the people of the coastal tribes and those living on the plains, the beautiful daughter of the chief of the hill tribes seduced the leader of the coastal people, a giant named Te Mata. The plan seemed to work, until some of the hill tribe folk decided they wanted revenge for his previous violence and they demanded that Te Mata prove his devotion by performing increasingly more difficult tasks. The last of these was to eat his way through the hills between coast and plains to make an easier access route; this proved too much for the poor chap and he died when only part way through the job- his body then forming Te Mata Peak and his half finished munching visible in the nearby hills.

I know that it’s not directly comparable, but I think that this is a good warning against over eating whilst on holiday. To be honest, after perusing (read: eating our way through) Eat Street in Rotorua and then farmers markets in Napier, I could really empathize with the poor, overfilled Te Mata and felt it was only a matter of time before I, too, collapsed from holiday-related over sustenance and formed Laura Peak - considerably less impressive and much less of a tourist attraction. Fortunately the big lad Te Mata goes some way to deliver a preventative solution: walking around and up his prostrate corpse provides a stunning hike through redwood forest and then up a steep, narrow, winding ascent to be met with such glorious views of rolling green hills that the Riders of Rohan were almost visible.

We’ve also enjoyed running along the seafront near Napier (guess who got a burned head again?) and, after an incredibly bumpy plane ride from Wellington to the South Island, we’ve made the most of the riverside walking and running routes and short hikes up into the hills. Charlie has also made the most of the chillier weather here to let his scalp recover (but guess whose neck got sunburned YET AGAIN) and I’ve managed not to lodge a formal complaint to New Zealand in general about the outrageous 8 degree temperature we experienced on arrival.

Most recently we’ve been to Queenstown, the supposed adventure capital of the world. Neither of us are the skydiving or bungee jumping types, but we did sign up for white water rafting. Unfortunately it’s been really quite rainy of late and therefore our rafting has been cancelled twice due to unsafe river conditions. This afternoon, the second time it was cancelled, I think that our alternative activities say a lot about us as people: Charlie went for another longer run, I went and had my hair done.

I am writing this from our gorgeous little Airbnb cottage in Arrowtown, a cute and quirky gold rush village a stone’s throw away from Queenstown, glass of wine in hand as the rain pours down outside and - best of all- not a single strand of strangers’ body hair in sight.

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Photos

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En route up Te Mata Peak.

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Charlie clinging on and taking a break, not loving the narrow path with a sheer drop on one side.

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Now is the hour! Riders of Rohan!
The green plains of Te Mata Park.

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Aaaaand strike a pose ?

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The South Island - I think this is part of the Remarkables Mountains.

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The beacons are lit!