Preparing for my untimely death

Only five weeks to go before I leave and already my work "colleagues" are taking bets on how soon I come back, why I come back, and how many diseases I return with. So here are the following reasons for returning early (preferably alive):

1) Dengue fever -- 50%
2) Japanese encephalitis -- 50%
3) Malaria -- 5%
4) Other diseases -- 10%
5) Snake bite (or insect, spider, scorpion, giant centipede, etc) -- 5%
6) Mauled by bear -- 5%
7) Mauled by tiger -- 1%
8) Mauled by leopard -- 2%
9) Elephant attack -- 4%
10) Transportation malfunction (eg, bus crash, ferry sinking, etc) -- 40%
11) Killed by Muslim extremists for being called Israel -- 95%
12) Accidentally shot by hunters (or "accidentally" shot by poachers) -- 2%
13) Murdered for other reasons -- 1%
14) Rabid animal bite -- 20%
15) Falling off cliff -- 10%
16) Natural disaster (eg, tsunami, volcano, earthquake, etc) -- 1%
17) Missing without trace -- 1%
18) Crocodile biting off face -- 1%

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