LONG LONG ENTRY! but its worth it...Move over Canadia, we have a new contender!

---

Ok, so to follow on from the last entry... I LOVE NEW ZEALAND! The whole freakin lot... the people, the well open attitude to nature an the environment, the native people and culture, the food, the EXCHANGE RATE! I am SO SO loaded here!; the extreme sports ( i have now looked death in the face 3 times.... and oh yes there will be some expanding on each frickin scary ass experience in a mo...); the crazy peaceful and really quite spiritual mountains of national park, the stunning scenery of the wellie coast, the people, the people ,the people! Its too cool!

Sittin in Wellie after finishin the stray north bus, for now, here with a bunch of wonderous misfits an crazees i like to call "ma wee posse" from the stray crew of yesteryear, ah the good old days of, oh so long ago - one week! Ya know tho, it really is mad how time just seems so long and so short in so many ways in these situations...

The original bus was totally wonderful fun, fab crowd, fab driver, fab places.... After Rotorua we went to The waitomo caves: HUGE big underground caves throughout a lush green valley in centrl north island. Now, altho there were the blackwater rafting and the holing options for this bit, I went for what to the unemilyed eye may well seem like the total wuss option: the caving and glowwormy rock-based typey thing - ths is not the actual name, by the way, i belivee it is just known as caving...

This is perhaps where i should explain that as a small child i was once taken caving, and i was SCARED out of my tiny tiny mind! It was like sticking a small child in a giant hole in the giant earth, mainly because that is exactly what it was, really mea, come on.... what ere you thinking, its like the ET thing really...! (kidding, love you, just doin the arrogant writer knows best bit - i know you know best tho, oh, an i only have the bungee to go mum, that and one tattoo...) so back to the cave, not that i want to go... it was DARK! And i did NOT categorically, NOT, like it! The whole experience is a tid hazy now, thank god!, but i do remember tears, snotters and just general "I am goin to die, i hate it here, i want to leave" thoughts - i had not at this age learnt the sweearies that now, oh so endearingly, adorn my vocabulary, altho if i had, i'm sure they would all be there, in capital letters, with exclamation marks and the like...

So, after explaining to the LOVELY guide, Louisa, that i may have a slight berky when we go in and run for the hills never to be seen again, off we pop! The drive TO the cabes is totally lovely, an on the way back we got to play the "fill your imaginary farm with all the stuff you can see hee" game - I have the biggest fullest farm in the whole wide universe...New Zealand SERIOUSLY has every type of farm animal known to man, and they ALL live in this bit! You name it: cows, sheep, pigs, yawn! then there's donkeys - i love donkeys!, peacocks, hell even a pheasant came flying out onto the road... love it!

So, to the bat cave, well the glow worm cave... After a mild "am i having a heart attack? No, I'm just IN A GIANT HOLE UNDER THE FREAKIN GROUND AGAIN! WHY WHY WHY?!" attack, i tune in on what the chickadee is saying an realise that this isn't really that bad, i mean wee creature that light up their own bums by doing backwards farts live down here an nowt happens to them, altho i bet they get well nasty trapped wind man! An actually, after crawling theu one small hole an feelin a bit ill, we got used to the dark and the glowworms were staounding! I mean, realyy... its like being in the stars, but they're still REALLY far away wee dots, and they're crazy green. It was so peaceful an pretty to look at that i felt lucky to be here, as i do nearly every day on this trip, and i was glad to have faced my fear of so long ago... Funny, i never knew this trip wuld have me facin up to stuff i'd kinda lst along th way... The down side to this, of course, is that i now decide to, erm, well, push the whole facing the fears thing, hence the "near death" comment at the opening... after bein brave an getting the lovely view we head on to a very special eveing... Best person/culture-based experience of the trip:

Maketu: a real Maori experience with a small family from the local area...I SO got to do poi! What a brasser it was tho... Havin done Long poi once at a circus skills afternoon - cherrs gary, miss you! - in glasgow, I, of course, mentioned this an tadaa, next thing i know i am the ONLY ONE in the whole group who are performing in front of the whole family and other stray mambers to do long poi... oh the joy! I was well freaked out! This does not help when you are trying to waggle balls around on long strings as other use short ones, not that you can see what they are doing as you keep hitting yourself in the freakin face with your balls! I had this wondefully (likin that word today!) chilled out very ttranquil woman as my helper, i would say instructor, but i felt more like a "specail case" so helper seems a tad more apt! Her name was Angelique - well chosen, my wee angel! Altho, i had her in floods of tears she was laughin so much... eventually i was such a sight the teenage boy who's the main man, an therefore should take everyhting seriously, came over an showed me how "bad" (ay right wee chap!) he was, an we both did it together... THGEN his brother nicked my canera, took about a squagillion pcitures of me all red an balls a-flyin and Uncle Boy, the proper leader guy announces i will be doing the long poi along with everyone else dfoing shoet poi, oh and i can do a sinle display to the whole grup afetrwards...OH MY GOOD FLAMIN GOODNESS! Needless to say I basically jusr decided to have a right good go, an of the wprst came to the worst, the lawyers suing me for someone losin an eye cannae really tell where i'kl be for the next year anyhoo, so off we go! The man groupy bit was actually alright., then, thanks to BP - bloody bis drivers! - reminding Uncle Boy, my solo performanmce was so funny that Matt joined me with is pretty much similar erm "skill" on long poi to make me feel better! What a riot! Cannae wait to do it again! SO gonne get nme a set an practise! Loved it in the end! Onyl made one hit yerself like a rightmuppet mistake in the actual bit i did, too... I love you angelique!

It was a very spritiual expeience by the end and the whole family were so welcomin and really made us part of their family for the evening... The grandma even made me don her WHOLE MAORI OUTFIT for the display parts! She remineded me of Nanna P, she was a very wise and content woman, totally inspirational...It was amazing... I really didn't want to leave the next day, in fact, i think i'll take mum there when she comes over, its a very calming and positive place to find yourself...

The next stop was Rotorua... land of the stinky yucky smells, geothermal pools an spas, CRAZY rafting rides, an insightful Maori settlement and tattoo designer and the goodbye to the original crew. Sad to do that bit, but the rest was amazing! An i've figured out the big thing about this fabbily crazy country: VARIETY! You can do anything and everything in New Zealand, and nornally within a few days if ya really want... The spirituality of the original people seems strangley to fit well alongside the extreme sports, the tattoo/pierceing vibes of the places, the crazy boozy nightlife of the backpackers and the regular everyday life of the ever-friendly locals... A total one off of a country, amazing!

So, the scary stoopid stuff i have been doing,then... After the "yey me, an my fear-facing cavey goodness!" I reckon I'm capable of all this mental extreme sports everyone keeps talkin about here in lovely NZ. So, its off to whitewater raft down a grade 5 21ft waterfall with a buch of folk i don't know and a crazyass (but life-saving, so we forgive him!) guide called Lee...For some unknown and bloody fortunate reason, Lee made us drop fern into the water before we went over the falls, it represents what will happen to the raft, you se... and for the first ime ever, i don't like all the first time evers i seem to be involved in around eher!, IT SANK! Yes, the fern, as in a very light floaty peaice of leaf, SANK! Lee looked like he was goona jump out the freakin raft right then! We did it again, and the second time it came up the right ay, yey! So after we sink, we'll be the right way round, nice one Lee, feelin much better now!

OH MY GOD! BRING BACK THE BLOODY GLOW WORMS! I NEED MY MUM! AND A VODKA! Sorry, just regressed back to the top of the waterfall... It was a bit scary on the boat, is what i meant to say... And, of course, in true me stylee... we did it all wrong! As my side seemed to have more of the fear of god in their veins, and arms, we managed to turn the raft sideways to hit the falls on the other side - yep, turned the whole thing around...Just to explain, there have been 3 times the boat has gone down sideways, and,er, not ONE person,inclduing the guide, has stayed IN THE BOAT...

However, it did indeed seem the maori gods wer smiling this day because in some BLOODY MIRACULOUS way we ALL stayed in the boat... now don't get me wrong, i have NEVEr EVER felt SO much water in my whole head before, and to tell the truth, don't really want to again, but thank all that's thankeable, we made it... i was SO happy, and actually totally astounded i'd stayed in that for the remainder of the hour, in fact, the day, really, sorry guys... i kept saying in a floaty voice "i cannae beleive we made it...!" Truly astounding... we love you lee! think the maddest part was seein the pics... See, when yer in a raft headin for a waterfall ya don't hugely notice anythin other than the waterfall, so not ONE of us realised that we were in such trouble an likely to come a gargantuan cropper until we saw the photos... OH MY GOOD GOD!!! We nearly died! We all stood there agog and looked at each other, then lee, who was standing giggling away to himself in the corner... ok, so now my mum loves you too lee.

After a wee chill in Rotorua for a few days an a sad goodbye to the originals strayers, BP an Ka Pai we haed for Taupo... Oh me oh my, does Taupo have a crazee effect on people!

Cue near death numero deux... I have survived a 15000ft jump out of aa plane! Yey for the sky and the divingness! should perhaps point out that alli did was get sellotaped to a GIANT Brazilian man called Mac - the survival was all down to him an the papachute... But OH MY GOOD GOODNESS - it is the MOST fun extreme sport ttypey thing i have done! I LOVE IT!

We set off for the place an i felt a tad nervous actually, but then after the safety talk i suddenly just felt totally content and SO EXCITED about the whole jumpin thru the sky thing that i could NOT keep still! I thinkthey near;y cut my ropes, by the time we got into the plane i'd squeaked about a billion times, run around the base at least twice, jumped up and down uncountable times and done the fingers up, yes i am a dumbass gesture about a squagillion and three times...

The only thing that did slightly freak me ut was the fact that theplane was the size ofg a figgin postage stamp! Now, it ws the coolest lookin wee sexy beast of a plane ever, and it was BROGHT PINK! However, with the 4 jumpers, each attached to 4 proper qualified peoples, it was like a sardine can! Yeh, so i worried that might freak me out, then i got in, the plane drove what feltlike the length of scotlnad, wiggled around a bit an finally took offf... WOW! What a stunning partof the world... the flight was lovely... views right onto lake taupo - its the size of Singapore, as in ALL of Singapore, and was the aftereffct of a volcanic eruption, FECKIN big volcano!, who's dust reched as far as Rome, amazing... Got a bit lost in the view then as we approached 12000ft we heard the first "one minute!" shout... oh aye, the whole jumpin part... Still felt strangely calm, and even after watching the 2 12000fters jump, or rather as it looks form the cabin, be sucked out of, the plane, i felt kinda excited but totally chilled out, too...
The chick before me really wasnot good with heights an stuff, an it turned out she couldn't jump, so then it was my turn... Yeah, those who know me well know i do NOT do waiting well, but i was last! And evn that didn't phase me... Think its the, "heh, i'm attached to someone who does everything, i jut gotts "Big banan" and really, how hard can that be..." thoughts that were goin thru my head, but i really felt quite okay with the throing oneself out fo a perfectly good plane ness of the whole thing...
THEN i was tumbl9ng thru the air in a slow motion stylee and thinking every bad word i have evr heard before in my entire life multiplied by ten in capitals all at the same time. Mainly it was along the lines of the whole " aaaahhh i'm falling thur the sky! Shit, what am i doung?!" his lasts about 10 seconds, then during the next 50seconds of freefall you just kinda go, oh right, still here then and why does my nose feel like it might fall off? This is not good... but mainly the vibe is, OH MY GOD< I"M FLYIN THRU THE AIR! interspersed with ooh, that's pretty...
It was a totally indescribable feelng to fly thru the air with the ground getting closer... then the best part happened... i'd spent most of the ground time runnin around askin if i could go thru the clouds, and yep, I SO FELL THRU A CLOUD! I LOVE YOU MAC! It was SOOOO cool... you see the ground, then a mist, then nothing an i mean NOTHING but white, EVERYWHERE! Its a bit scary at first, then when you look around everywhere its really quite spiritual being in whiteness... Iloved it! It is a boit scary when ya see the ground A LOT closer to ya than it was before and appearing really quickly thru the cloud, but its all good, cos then yer thoghts are replaced with a kinda "ouch! where did my right boob just go?!" vibe as the parachute is pulled an you go FLEEEIN back up in the sky...
Tghen the real beauty starts... Its AMAZING to be floating around seein te HUGE lake and the surrounding green hills and snow-capped mountains... and afetr such a rsh ots even or surreal than it wouuld be alone... Very moving, in th end... And quite a good adrenaline chiller, by the toime we had to ready for landing i was beggin Mac to just let us stay up here, but as he pointed out he may be goo, but even he cannot deny gravity... alas! I'd've floated up there forever...

Back down to earth, literally, and after watching the video an seein the ouch my nose looks Much funnier now than it felt then, as both of my nostrils became the size of small countries... Piercings! God damn them! and we head back to the hostel, all buzzing like fridges and spending the day wandering around taupo kinda dazed an amazed we are so brave, aye right!, then just relaxin... lovely!

So, for my final trick of extremity, on the north island anyway, the next day moya an i ended up wanderin around a residential area of taupo feelin like drug dealers tryin to find this dude's studio...then we got pierced! Yey for the crazy! An don't worry mum, its nothing tasteless, you'll see it when you see me. Needless to say i was a bit freaked about it before, an i guess lookin for the adrenalin buzz of the last few days' activities, but then it didn't even hurt! The aftercare's a bit of a pain, but now the swelling's gone down its all good. Can change it fron a stud to a hoop in a week or two, too! Yey!

The we headed to the tranquility and peace of the real New Zealand, which we all needed by this point, the beauty of Tongariro National Park... I shall give this its own entry, as i'm SURE not one of you guys has managed to read this entry in a oner, and T desreves your full attention...

Love to you all,
sorry if i've turned ya blind form computer over exposure,
hope all is well with you, miss you guys!
em
😉

---