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Published: April 28th 2007
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Just before we leg it for Brisbane airport I get a haircut. We think that 6mm might be a bit short so we go for the uzi 9mm version. I am going to have to wear a hat for the next month to avoid scaring children and getting a sunburnt scalp. Funnily enough I don't get the full treatment at airport security, must be because we are flying internally. Five hours later we are still in the air, we are still over the same continent and Debbie is still behaving, without the benefit of seat-back entertainment. Perth arrives and a bunch of backpackers attempt to keep us awake by being young and still having intact livers. I dislike young people on both of these principles. Fortunately we're only there for a night and then its off to collect the hire car and the long drive north. The car we're allocated is a monster - bear in mind I've only just learnt to drive, and have only ever driven a 1.2 lt manual hatchback. This thing is a 4 metre, 2.5 lt automatic monster, hence Debbie gets to leave Perth in it as I'm only attempting piloting this thing when there's
nothing else for 500km in any direction, which happens to be a lot sooner than we think. About 10 metres after leaving Perth we're the only people on the road which stretches north in scarily long straight bits. In honour of Debbie having just seen 'Priscilla, Queen of the Desert' at Di's in Brisbane, we christen our monster 'Shoniqua, Harlot of the Highway', although I refuse to stand on the roof wearing slingbacks and forty feet of sequins on the basis that I'll scare the wildlife, of which there is an abundance as soon as we leave Perth. Unfortunately most of it seems to have misplaced its intestines and looks like roadkill pinata due to the heat. Our first view of a kangaroo is from the inside out. Seems that rabbits in headlights do exactly the same thing here as in the UK, except here they're 6 ft tall and make a mess of your car.
Once we're off, we're arriving at our first stop up the Great Western Highway, the hotel at New Norcia. We sit in the car for a couple of minutes not quite believing what we see. Without realising it we've gone back in time
to the Raj and aliens have landed a colonial palace in the outback. Bonkers - full dual sweeping staircase, massive corridors, ceilings about 20 ft high, and a full length verandah overlooking, um, a lot of bush. New Norcia is Benedictine community and in its heyday the hotel was built to look after the students parents and visitors. Debbie changes into her cork helmet and has a G&T to celebrate monkish foresight. (I can think of a ton of smut involving monks and helmets but I'll resist on the basis my parents are reading this).
The next day has us hammering north again, this time for 700 km or so. We're trying to get up to the Karijini national park as fast as possible so we can then tootle down the coastal roads at a more leisurely pace. Next stop is Cue, which we make after about 5 hours driving. Speed limits are 110kph, please don't do the maths. The road is dominated by the Road Trains, whacking great big trucks pulling up to four trailers, which terrify the knickers off us (I'm still in Priscilla mode) until we realize they're not out specifically to kill us. That is
except for the outsize ones which are carrying halves of houses, please see the previous entry for how safe that feels. We're the only people to book into the Queen of the Murchison hotel in Cue, apart from the landlady it looks like there's no one left alive here. Actually we're not sure about the landlady either, she looks a bit like the girl in The Exorcist and gives me the heebies. There's a bunch of cute puppies in the garden outside which should make it better, except they're all in a cage so we refuse the kind offer of dinner and make our own. There is nothing to do in Cue except count mozzie bites, get sozzled on cheap wine and call friends at home. So we do.
Another mind-numbing run the following day gets us into Karijini, possibly the world's reddest place. Those photos you see of red dirt and blue skies that they put on the travel brochures for Australia? - they're from here. It could be Mars except for the gravity and the fact that Mars has more water. Once the tent is up (no mean feat given that the ground is in fact one
big red rock) we quickly realize that man is not master of all he surveys and is in fact one step below the australian fly. These little buggers are unbelievably annoying, which explains the strange head-gear. No matter what ecosystem I destroyed, if I had the power to kill every last outback fly I wouldn't hesitate for a second. Debbie would probably kill the mosquitoes because they replace the flies when the sun goes down and start at her ankles, chewing upwards. Fortunately they don't give you malaria here. Unfortunately they give you Dengue and Ross River fever instead.
Flies aside (and left, right, up, down, front, back and probably inter-dimensionally too the basta...) we're here for the gorges, origin of, and deserving of the word gorgeous. The first one is right on the campsite's doorstep, and the first place we get to is the Circular Pool which is the loveliest place in the world as the water's warm and flies haven't yet learned to swim. 3 hours of wandering takes you down Dales Gorge and out the other end and is stuffed with dramatic views, wildlife, and backpackers. There are no crocs so we don't get to see
the backpackers feeding them which is a shame but you can't have everything.
Next day we head off to Weano gorge for more of the same except todays adventure involves dirt roads which have just enough adrenalin in them to leave you exhausted and terrified after 40 kms, leaving you with 6 hours of rest before you have to do it again. We both get to experience the fun, only my shift on the way back to camp also involves snakes. Biblical boy here was about 2 metres long, yellow bellied with black stripes and was definitely advertising the "dinnae mess" message as taught in all of the best australian snake schools. Deb was the unfortunate cameraman - she went a kind of pale green after Mr serpent trousers decided he didn't like the car and came for us. Despite that she held her nerve (and breakfast) and got a couple of pics. After a bit of research I think this was a Tiger snake, but am probably wrong. Sleep well. I didn't.
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Simeon
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But where's the Ford cortina
And Debs looks nothing like WPC Annie Cartwright