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Published: February 7th 2009
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Melbourne
An early autumn due to the extreme heat So, Monday morning we waved goodbye to Sydney and headed back to Melbourne, where we had called in briefly on the cruise.
We had booked in to a "de luxe" room in Flinders Street, right in the centre. I used wotif.com, whom we have used many times before, and never had a room that has been less than satisfactory. This time was different. I know swinging cats is cruel and not to be encouraged, but we couldn't do it in this room. It was so dingy we would never have found the cat in the first place. So I complained (surprise, surprise) and told them that "de luxe" was a misleading description.
"But Sir, 'de luxe' is our standard room" (???)
"Well why don't you call your standard room 'Standard Room' then we all know where we are?"
Anyway to pacify us Whingeing Poms they moved us to a more modern room that was slightly larger. The only trouble was the view was so bad you had to go outside into the street to see what the weather was like. Oh and the other thing was the ultra modern lighting switches with dimmer functions and do not disturb buttons and
Melbourne Gaol
They caught me at last! ones that came on automatically when you went to the bathroom, and another one that sometimes came on when you turned over in the middle of the night and wouldn't go off until you went to the bathroom, whether you wanted to or not. Oh and breakfast was an extra $25, each! And the internet was something like $30 per day, with no hourly rate.
But apart from that the hotel was fine, and we only had three nights there, so we put it behind us and set off to enjoy Melbourne.
We'd had a flavour of Melbourne (pronounced 'Melben', not Mel-b o u r-n e for the American readers) when we called in the week before, and quite liked what we saw. Of course, it's huge, and it was very hot, but the centre is quite compact, and the streets criss-cross in a grid fashion, so it's quite easy to find your way around, but you have to be really careful crossing the road, as you have trams as well as cars to contend with. The best way to start is to catch the City Circle tram, which is free, and which takes you right round the
outside of the city centre, giving you a running commentary of all the attractions that you can find at each stop. There is also a free tourist bus, which takes you a bit further afield, but we didn't find time to use that.
On the first night we just crossed the river and strolled, noting all the trendy eating and drinking places along the South Bank of the Yarra. We also called into the superb Arts Centre, which boasts three halls, and we booked tickets for a show, which I'll tell you about later. Flying is always tiring, so we didn't linger too long before we returned to our de luxe accommodation.
So the next day we caught the City Circle tram to see what was available. Our first stopping off point was the Queen Victoria Market. Those who know me will know what I think about markets, but I have to admit this one was quite impressive. It was a bit like a French market, with boomerangs! Oh, and Ugg Boots, which are allegedly about half the price here as they are in England. What a shame we only have a limited baggage allowance!
Next stop was Melbourne Gaol, which was the place where the infamous Ned Kelly, and many others, met their end. It was very interesting, if a bit macabre. One discovery that struck me was the fact that the floor was made entirely from Yorkshire Stone. Which raises two questions: how did they get it here? and whose drive did they steal it from?
Next door are the old arresting cells; the tour there is good fun, they arrest you, give you a charge sheet and go through the arresting process, before locking you in a darkened cell for a few minutes and then allowing you into the exercise yard. Happily, they omit the strip search! You can hear recorded voices coming from the cells all the time you are there, which adds a touch of realism.
The next day we strolled to the Melbourne Cricket Ground, known affectionately as the MCG, for a guided tour. It was great to see the famous place, where the 1956 Olympics had been held (and, yes, I can remember them!). The only problem was that the tour guides were volunteers, and the one we had was pretty hopeless, and made a 20 minute tour last 75 minutes, though it seemed longer. Black mark there Melbourne, you have a wonderful product there, you could do better! The day redeemed itself when we went into the sports museum, also at MCG, which was fine if you are a sports fanatic, but probably best avoided if you're not.
A stroll back into Melbourne down the river, and the day was gone, it's amazing how time flies when you're having fun!
The evening was spent at the show I mentioned earlier. It was called "The Wind of Shaolin". All we knew about it was that it was performed by Chinese monks and contained dancing and martial arts. What a brilliant show. I suppose it was best described as a ballet; every movement told a story, but the sheer athleticism and agility of the performers, and the grace of movement, took our breath away. I would like to have taken the breath away of the little sod who kept kicking the back of my seat, but that's another story.
The other impressive part of the show was the martial arts skills and how they were woven into the dance. In some of the scenes there were weapons whirling round at lightning speed, while others were aiming kicks, punches and blocks all at the same time. Any slight flaw in the timing and they would have ended up with a mouthful of sword, stick or knuckle. I hope the dentist was on standby. It was hard to imagine what kind of dedication these people must have needed to get to be so skilful and accurate at what they did. So I guess by now you've twigged that we enjoyed it, and it rounded off our stay in Melbourne.
There were many more things we would have liked to have done, but we ran out of time, so we have a good excuse to go there again some day.
Next: The Great Ocean Road
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