Aussie Aussie Aussie

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After a long, tiring day’s travel from New Zealand we arrived in Cairns, Northern Queensland. This was the first time either of us had been to Australia so we were keen to explore the country and its culture. The first difference that we noticed from NZ was that the temperature was considerably higher. In NZ it had fluctuated wildly from high 20s degrees C to hailstones and biting winds. In Cairns it was still, balmy and warm. Later, we quantified this as a high of 32C daily with biting cold nights of 24C! (Ha Ha, we hope you are all enjoying November in the UK!) We had booked a couple of nights in a Lonely Planet recommended hostel and were taken there by a skinny, unintelligible taxi driver with long, unfashionable, New Zealand hair. It turned out that the hostel was bit out of town but was friendly, welcoming and had a bed to rest our weary heads. Refreshed by a night’s sleep, we explored Cairns on foot and found it most agreeable. Karen was particularly taken by the arty, swish, large open-air swimming pool on the esplanade which substituted for a city centre beach. I was more interested in the traditional old Aussie pubs on backstreet corners which were densely populated by midmorning by rough guys like you see in road trip movies. I figured that if I had brought a wingman we could have interacted with these crazy dudes and got some fantastic stories. Karen found the prospect of this most unappealing as she grabbed her beach towel and headed for the trendy seafront. Cairns seems to be run almost exclusively on the backpacker-tourist’s dollar. We are informed that it now has a population of 150,000 and is the 2^ndfastest growing city in Australia (behind Darwin!!). Half of these people could be tourists! Backpacker hostels are found on every street and there must be five travel agents / events organisers for each one, desperate to flog the “must-do” activities of diving, bungee, sky diving and rainforest trips to ever-willing hedonistic youngsters. After a noisy second night at our hostel (histrionic drunkenness over trivial drinking injuries from our charming neighbours) we moved to a city centre establishment to be close to all the amenities. This was a mistake. It was like the worst student halls of residence possible. We lived in a windowless room with just a bed, had to give photo ID to get a plastic box of crockery/cutlery each, had to fight for space in hopelessly inadequate fridges and were woken up at all hours by drunken guests. Are we getting old???!! We managed to tolerate it but it did take a bit of a shine off our time in Cairns. One night in cairns’ city centre we watched a great punch up between a bunch of drunken Aborigine ladies (or native Australians as apparently we are meant to say) and the local security forces. I think the natives took the victory on points and certainly had the more aggressive intent. Meanwhile, during the days we conformed to the wishes of the trip organisers. Karen was very brave. She did a 50m bungee jump (see piccies below). I took the vital role of cameraman from the safety of terra firma. She had a wee wobble at the top but went over the edge pretty well (the screaming and whooping was obligatory of course!), stating that she loved it and couldn’t wait to do it again. Another day, we went out onto the Great Barrier Reef on a large boat. Karen had registered to do a single dive but after the excitement of the first (and a wad of cash burning a hole in her pocket) she had a further two, managing to get up close and personal with a large Hawksbill turtle on the third (the photos of which I am sure will be accompanying this blog!). I was snorkelling similar areas. I had experienced ear problems when diving in the past so figured that the same may recur. I dived down to about 5 metres a few times and got the same pain so assumed that my ears are still incompatible with diving- although I did enjoy surprising a few divers as I whizzed past them in the depths with no scuba! I managed a couple of minutes swimming with a 4 or 5 foot long white tipped reef shark which thankfully didn’t seem hungry or annoyed by my presence. Almost every Australian we have met has taken great pleasure in welcoming us to “the world’s deadliest country”, claiming that almost everything that we will encounter is about to inject us with a fatal neurotoxin which will kill us in minutes or has more teeth and attitude than Esther Rantzen crossed with a pitbull! When diving we had to wear very fetching, all-in-one lycra suits to protect us from “stinger” jellyfish and have been warned about picking up cone-shaped shells for fear of being killed by something or another. Despite these warnings, we went on a crocodile safari today on a stretch of river where apparently 400 crocs of up to 6 metres live. You guessed it – not a sniff of a single one!! I was just about to peel my kit off and plunge into the murky water in my Speedos when the guide told us that his dog got eaten last week and one of his competitors’ children was taken last year. I remained in the boat after reflecting upon this new information. We spent the night in a remote cabin in the rainforest north of Cairns, in an area called Cape Tribulation. Apparently this area was given its name by Captain Cook who had spent 6 unhappy weeks anchored here whilst repairing a hole in his boat and lost numerous men to the hostile natives, disease and numerous dangerous creatures. Thankfully, we managed to survive thanks to finding a bottle of sauvignon blanc, a large pizza and an air conditioning unit. Beat that Ray Mears!

We returned to Cairns briefly and spent a day relaxing as we waited for our overnight Greyhound bus down the coast. After our experiences of night buses in Southeast Asia we had some reservations about using this mode of transport. We considered hiring a car but after 4500km in NZ the thought of driving long distance was less appealing. We bought a ticket from Cairns to Brisbane. Now check a map. This doesn’t look far but it really is! We completed about the first third of the trip in 12 hours, finding ourselves at Airlie Beach. This is a great little tourist town on the coast, all geared up for sailing trips around the magnificent Whitsunday Islands. These islands really are “must-do” if you are in Queensland and were the focal point for us meeting up with Steve and Caroline, good friends of mine from university who married in September and, since they are locum GPs, disappeared off for a few months and were travelling north up the same coast. For those who don’t know ‘Stevoline’, they are quite prone to partake in a few liquid refreshments and we were only too happy to join them in the few days that we had to wait to join a boat. Karen took the opportunity to hurl herself out of an aeroplane from 10,000 feet but fortunately had the foresight to strap a bloke to her back who seemed to know what he was doing. He managed to guide her safely to earth as well as recording the whole event on video camera for insurance purposes. We have struggled to wipe the smile off Karen’s ever since, with the only problem now being that she is struggling to find where she is going to get her next adrenaline kick from. For a couple of days, Stevo and myself went fishing on the barrier reef with the hilarious Captain Scotty who couldn’t have been more Aussie if he had XXXX tattooed on his forehead! We managed to land several interesting, bright coloured fish but nothing huge such as a tuna or marlin. Stevo caught a large coral trout which we took home and cooked on the municipal Barbie by the beach and amply fed the four of us. The following day we managed to catch a reasonably sized turtle!! It just wouldn’t leave our bait alone and finally it got hooked on the edge of his beak. We carefully lifted him aboard, pinned him down and removed the hook before sending him on his way. Not really what we were looking to catch but he was unharmed and it makes for an interesting story!

The following day we ventured out onto a sailing boat for 2 days and nights. Airlie Beach must be the home of 50 chartered sailing boats, the vast majority of whom were fully booked on the dates we were there. It should be made clear that cruising in the Whitsundays is not a cheap pastime. Short trips seemed to range from around £200 to £600 per person for a couple of nights, with the number of people on the boat and levels of luxury varying accordingly. We ended up on a budget boat, largely due to limited availability, but that meant that we could spend the extra cash on the events prior to setting sail. What it did mean was that we spent 2 nights at sea on a glorified Club 18-30 booze cruise. We actually ended up doing pretty well out of it as we were given private cabins with beds large enough for us both to fit in. Some of the poor backpackers were given bunks which resembled little more than a shelf on the wall of the corridor with no doors or curtains for privacy. Luxuries included flush toilets but no showering or wash facilities. Fortunately we were snorkelling frequently enough that body odour didn’t seem to be an issue. A communal BYO beer store proved the main focus of our angst as a group of four Austrian guys were drinking the same brand of lager as we were. Suspicious that they were going to consume our supplies and leave us dry on the second night, there was a strict beer counting policy in place. In the end, we only lost 3 or 4 from our stash of 30 which we put down to natural wastage. I hasten to add that, against racial stereotyping, it wasn’t the Scottish fellas but the English/Irish girls who were most intent on the beer monitoring. It may have been a different story had more gone missing! It also transpired that we were to rise each morning at 6am so went to bed at 9 or 10pm. The first morning gave me my best memory of the trip. I awoke (after a broken, sweaty sleep) at 5.30am and went up onto the deck to view a tuna feeding frenzy. We were moored in the 7km long Whitehaven Bay which is famous for having sand as white and fine as flour. The whole bay was filled with fish as the four foot tuna leapt out of the water as the feasted on the shoals of bait fish. This amazing spectacle continued for nearly two hours, leaving Stevo and myself transfixed like two dogs stuck behind a glass door watching a street of passing cats. This was exactly what we had unsuccessfully scoured the seas in search of for the two preceding days and, to make matters worse, I had my fishing rod downstairs but wasn’t permitted to use it as the boat didn’t have a fishing licence! We were forcibly dragged away to have romantic strolls along the deserted pristine beach before several snorkelling stops. The visibility of the water wasn’t as good as in Cairns so nothing too novel was seen but the banter was good from a few of our crewmembers and a good time was had by all despite a few shortcomings.

When we returned to port we were met by a decidedly Australian phenomenon known as ‘Schoolies’. This term refers to the annual plague of 18 year old final-year schoolkids who are given a week’s holiday and all flock to the nearest large town for drunkenness and debauchery. Being twice the age of the participants, we took a detached view of proceedings but enjoyed watching the staggering, vomiting, fighting and canoodling occur from a safe distance. To be fair, the police had the situation nailed down firmly. Each schoolie had to wear a pass around their necks, and if they misbehaved these were confiscated and they couldn’t take part in any further events. We heard reports on the news of major disturbances in other towns but saw little to report in Airlie Beach. Sadly, several kids had died in a car crash en route to the Airlie Beach event which maybe cast a sombre shadow over proceedings. We decided to hitch-hike in Stevoline’s Hippie Campervan to a campsite out of town where we had a couple of nights relaxing, fishing and planning the remainder of our trip in Australia. Stevoline headed north the following day. I have heard since that Stevo has purchased a fishing rod and will keep me posted as to how many fish dinners he can supply Caroline with in New Zealand. I have informed him that there are no fish in the entire country.

We took another long distance overnight bus ride from Airlie Beach to Rainbow Beach. This one was due to be merely 14 hours long however turned up 2.5 hours late so was considerably longer. Karen endured this trip with great humour. Rainbow Beach is a tiny little town with a sole focus on taking tourists by 4WD vehicle and ferry to Fraser Island- the only island in the world which has rainforest growing out of sand. By the time we arrived, had a snooze and collected our thoughts, Fraser Island only had room for one more tourist. So, as I type, Karen is exploring the wonders of Fraser Island and I am sitting in the shade outside our house writing this drivel. We explored the town last night to find a fantastic geological sight known as Carlo Sandblow. It is a huge expanse of sand which has built up into a considerable hill that now overlooks the town. We climbed up through the forest to last night find a couple of dozen people sitting watching the sunset whilst playing guitars, drinking beers and surfing down the vast dunes (not all at once!). It had that ‘other worldly’ feel to it and was quite magical. We were unprepared for this so had to march back into town to refresh ourselves with a bottle of cheap plonk from this world.

Tomorrow morning we are getting collected at 6.30am to travel 20km along the road to feed dolphins by hand. Now, I am sure that this will be fun and I will really enjoy this activity, but in truth it is Karen who is keenest to do this. I have found over the past 4 months that there are certain words that Karen finds completely irresistible and renders her totally powerless to their charms. The list includes the following words: spa, massage, infinity pool, manicure, pamper, adrenaline, crazy and luxury. I think I can add dolphin feeding/swimming to this list. I sense that marketing gurus may be aware of this and use these words specifically to lure in women. For their information, if they wish to secure the attention of the other 50% of the human species, all they need to try is : Free beer and pizza.

Oh yes, and while I am reminiscing over the past 4 months- do you remember the dress hunt across the whole of South-East Asia which culminated in a made to measure number in Vietnam?? How often has it been worn? Once!!! Once!!! I would have been as well getting one made too!! Apparently, it’s been either too hot or too cold! To be fair, we haven’t had any recent drawn out shopping quests in Australia, with a straw cowboy hat being bought on a whim. I fear another sunglasses mission may be about to commence. I still have my old golf cap and fixed by broken sunglasses with my fishing knife. What is it they say about Venus and Mars??

Tomorrow, after we can rest assured that the dolphins are no longer hungry, we board a bus for the 6 hour hop along to Brisbane where we will meet my cousin, his family and one of Karen’s old workmates. No more buses after that. We are flying from Brissy to Sydney and then taking the train from Sydney to Melbourne. We are in regular direct contact with family but for those of you reading this whom we haven’t spoken to for a while, please drop us a line via this website or email/facebook us. We would love to hear from you- only please be kind about all my blog rambling!!

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Comments

[Elizabeth Millichap]

Hi Karen and Dave The wind is howling around me and we are expecting 3 inches of rain and I have been catching up with your blogs. Wow, fantastic. To say I\'ve enjoyed it is an understatement, you really do have a talent for describing your adventures. Your NZ entries brought back good memories of our 4 weeks in a camper van there, doing very much the same itinerary. Karen what a daredevil you are! Simon, Dave Hayward and I scaled the only Via Ferrata in the UK a few weeks ago in the Lake District and fortunately Dave\'s hypnotic skills were not required. I was reluctant to do it for fear of holding the group up but I made it and was on an adrenalin high for days. I expect Simon has been in touch, all seems to be going well for him in Preston. Anyway enjoy the rest of your trip and keep up the amazing blogs. Love Elizabeth