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Published: February 26th 2012
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Strewth cobber – we’ve only gone and landed in bladdy Austrarlia !!
And I'll tell you something else mate, it’s as warm and as humid as a lizard’s backside, no worries.
Today we are half way through the trip and we’ve left Asia - Oz is a whole brand new continent. What’s more, I can understand the bladdy natives. Weird.
Anyway, we crossed the bladdy equator yesterday. No fuss, no certificate, no champagne corks popping, no letter from the Queen, nothing. The equator itself was a like a big bladdy black line, say five or ten miles wide, stretching as far as the eye could see from horizon to horizon. Like a big bladdy 28,000 mile long zipper. I imagine that somewhere on the planet, there’s a huge zip fastener they can pull whenever they need to remove the crust, say for dry cleaning.
(Actually, it was dark when we crossed the equator, but I’ve seen the big black line on maps and globes so I know it's there). First things first, the world is round. I have proof (see pic - new camera, old one bust). As soon as we got off the plane, we
nearly fell off the planet. It was only the special airport netting that saved us (they're obviously used to it). Everything is upside down. After issuing us with special boots (part velcro, part magnetic), we set off.
The drive from the airport to the hotel was about an hour and an experience in itself. For example, we saw a cockatoo.
Well, how many, was it one or two? OK, OK, we saw two cockatoos.
So, four then? (A scuffle ensues) We saw a field full of wallabies. Like big rabbits. Loads of the little baggers. And termite mounds.
Arrived at the hotel (Sheraton Mirage) and it’s bladdy huge. What’s more, it’s the rainy season now in this part of the world, so it’s not the holiday season and I think we must be the only people here (note how busy it is in the pics). It’s quite posh, but smacks of faded glory. I imagine in it’s day (the 70s), it will have been a state-of-the-art resort, but now it’s more like a posh tropical Pontins. There’s 5 hectares of pool (so that’s about 2.5 hectares per resident), two miles of private beach,
a golf course (that’ll come in handy), a spa and a chapel. The rooms are in separate blocks connected by walkways through tropical jungle. It reminds us of Willi Wonka’s Chocolate Factory and we can’t help singing the UmPaLumpa song as we walk round (I expect to see one any day).
And another thing. The ants are bladdy massive. I’d say they are about 3 foot long. Oh no hang on, that’s a dog. But the ants are big too, about half an inch long (I’ve ruined the impact now haven’t I?).
Went snorkeling on the Great Barrier Reef today. (It was great. There was this reef which forms a sort of barrier). A huge catamaran (Wavedancer) took us out to these islands and we spent the day on a deserted tropical island, snorkeling round the coral reef. The coral was absolutely amazing. We saw giant turtles (about two foot long), we saw giant clams (at least three feet across), we saw some amazing fish, for example, huge six banded Angelfish, about a foot and a half across – see pic. Bladdy marvellous.
The whole area is a World Heritage rainforest, really lush and very tropical. I
think we’re going to like it here.
Talking of turtles . . .
Sunday Stool Newsletter After a traumatic couple of weeks, normal service has finally been resumed, and we have reverted to the gargantuan monsters we saw at the start of the trip (why, only this morning, one was so big I felt I had to smash a bottle of champagne on the side and name her before I flushed). Maybe it’s something to do with the Earth’s magnetic field, the domains are lining up again. Time will tell. All I can tell you is it’s a huge weight off our shoulders (well, not our shoulders per se, but you get my drift).
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Tonyncarole
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Rainforest, Ambleside
Much the same holiday as us in a steamed up coffee bar in humid Ambleside. No cockatoos but a few cocks. Gday