1770, Hervey Bay and Noosa

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1770

I stayed a day longer than planned in Rockhampton because I didn't want to take the risk of finding myself in the middle of nowhere without accommodation. Rockhampton wouldn't be anyone's ideal resort, just a gateway to Great Keppel or farmstays - but I got to hear yet another life story from yet another complete stranger. It was dusk when I had returned to the dorm and the lights were off, so the owner of the lifestory was someone I couldn't even pick out in an identity parade let alone know her name - but I know all about her knee operation, her dispute with her daughter and her tendency to interpret the sound "hmmm" as "of course I would love you to bore me to tears with your sad life, do carry on". Yes I should feel sorry for these people - and I would if that one hadn't kept the rest of the dorm awake all night with her snoring. In fact her depressing story and the lack of sleep made me feel so low I actually felt homesick for a few hours - I just wanted to go to Brisbane and fly home. Depressed people shouldn't travel, they should stay home and seek therapy so they don't taint the rest of us. Gosh, sometimes I am so liberal it shocks even me.

Andrea, Joanna and I got the bus to Agnes Water the next morning. We had all heard the life story - word for word the same with each repetition, and were relieved to be going. Joanna was moving on to Hervey Bay but Andrea and I were both booked in at 'Cool Bananas'. Maike and Kat had advised I should go to the other hostel in 1770, but it was full. Cool Bananas was a party hostel - you'd think the term 'party hostel' would imply that would be a fun place. In fact you'd think that until you walked into the dorm you had been assigned to find a several staggering drunk Englishmen in the room at 9 in the morning. As one of them looked about to remove his grubby, tatty boxers I was downstairs at reception insisting on a female only dorm. Abi, who was also staying in that hostel - and was lucky enough to be in that mixed dorm told me that they would wake up in the night to puke in the room's bin. Lovely.

We were taken on a free tour of Agnes Water and 1770. The tour guide was actually touting for business for his Scooteroo Tours and was quite odd. Our tour was not only free, it was unguided - he made two of us go in a separate vehicle and drive ourselves because the vehicle was too full. We picked up more people at the other hostel - they were stunned by our lack of knowledge- obviously not realising we had been roped in to being their guide by virtue of being last to get into the crowded vehicle in front. Abi did amazingly well with the 4WD, it hurt my back so much I nearly threw up (all you people with recurring back pain, I rue the day I ever mocked you). I occasionally pointed out tourist hotspots such as a palm tree or a beach to keep them happy. When we did stop and join up with the guided group the Scooteroo man was quite happy to tell us of his life and the state of his brother's marriage - do I actually need or want to know? There is a lot to be said for the typical English reserve.

In the evening we all sat around drinking and chatting. The table next to us were playing drinking games - they were going to party if it killed them, I felt so sorry for whoever has to clean out the bins in their dorms. The game quickly descended into some kind of mix between a drinking game and strip poker - although only the boys took part in the stripping. They clearly hoped the girls would take the hint and start peeling off their clothes - they were living in a dreamworld. The girls were your typical "bitchiest clique in the hostel" kind and wouldn't have given these geeks the time of day had anyone remotely more masculine been available. There were no glasses available so Ursula and I drank our red wine from tea mugs. Classy. Also very inebriating because a mug holds quite a lot of wine. I was a bit worried when I scrambled into bed that I might fall out of my bunk. But of course having heard horror stories of people beeing weed on in the night by the drunk person in the top bunk - there are assets to being on top. Cool Bananas has the cleanest bathroom and kitchen of any hostel. The owner is obsessed with cleaning - his staff are terrified of him. Absolutely terrified. Actually so were most of us - we all made sure we cleaned our plates, pots and pans. Heaven only knows what the punishment might have been.

The next day we were hoping to go on the kayaking tour - but it was cancelled. Anything that involved the sea was cancelled because, despite the beautiful weather, the sea was polluted with some "brown stuff". There were lots of versions of what the brown stuff might be - coral spawn, fish eggs, algae, sewage from a ship. The most repeated version was coral spawn - which is harmless but smells. But there were still people swimming in the sea so it obviously wasn't deadly.

Four of us took a boogie board each and went down to the beach. We decided that if we walked way down the shore we might come to clearer water = the brown stuff was not in shore and seemed to be drifting southwards. As we walked along the beach we passed a few beached jellyfish - which made the sea seem even less alluring. We sat on our boogie boards in the shade and eyed the surf like four year olds looking at a sweet shop with the closed sign on the door. Eventually someone came along with a surfboard. We assumed he was local because he also had his dog with him. Everyone that i have seen in Agnes Water has a dog of the same breed (some kind of bull terrier thing). It is equally possible that everyone in Agnes Water just borrows the same dog and drags it off for a walk, a one dog town. We watched him surf - he clearly knew what he was doing and so we decided to accost him when he finished surfing. He told us we would be OK if we walked on a bit to a clear patch. We needed no second bidding and headed for the surf. It never occurred to us that he may have been an escaped lunatic who fulfilled his xenophobic hatred of travellers by luring innocent backpackers to their deaths. It was hot, we were bored ... surf's up.

We were all hopeless at boogie boarding, but it was a hot day and we were happy to play around in the sea. After some time of struggling we met Anke - who Ursula knew from a previous hostel (you meet the same people again and again). Anke knew how to boogie board and was willing to teach the rest of us. We spent the entire morning boogie boarding with various degrees of success - when you got it right it was really really exhilerating. When you got it wrong - you just swallowed a lot of water and prayed to anyone that might be above the clouds that it really wasn't ship's sewage. We posed for the obligatory surfing pictures - on the shore obviously with boogie boards shielding the blubbery bits from the camera and took pictures of each other floundering about in the sea.

Then Ursula and I went on the Scooteroo tour. About 20 of us pootered round the area on little 50cc scooters. Poor Ursula fell off - because we had bugger all instruction, I managed to stay on, but took all corners very wide. At one stage we were all doing 70 kmph - for a few seconds I thought I was on a Harley Davison. There were few picture opportunities which was a pity because the scenery was stunning. We did stop to take photos of kangaroos - great! 1770 is nobody's first stop so everyone had at least 60 pictures already of various kangaroos. Then we went to the pub for chips and to watch the sunset before we all tootled back to the starting point. On the way home it was dark so everyone had their lights on. The person at the front indicated left. Indicators! Amazing. Why hadn't we thought of this? The 'lesson' on how to use the scooters had been alarmingly brief and hadn't involved traffic signals. As one being all 20 people looked down to find their indicators, eyes off the road, minds off the steering, a terrifying sight. After that we were all indicating at every turn. We all arrived safely - even the young Japanese girl who had been wobbling so alarmingly they had to make her ride pillion for her own safety. She had been juggling to keep her camera on one side and her backpack on the other. And people wonder why the town despairs of the Scooteroo riders. When we got back it was definitely time for the red wine - Ursula's nerves were shot to bits and my back was killing me again.


Hervey Bay
Hervey Bay is one of the main gateways to Fraser Island. It is also a stopping point for whales migrating south and the reef fishing is meant to be excellent. Therefore, despite its sterile, apartment block, shopping mall tourist hell appearance it is a major destination on the east coast. The YHA there is set in a colonial style building and is a lovely hostel. The owner is very friendly - I took against him for no apparent reason. Actually I do have a reason - and it is common amongst hostel managers/ owners. They want to be friendly to everyone - and mostly they are, but you can't always be smiling, so sometimes it comes across as really insincere, which puts me off. I did, however, realise it was my problem not his and wasn't put off the hostel at all. Anke was with us as well - not the Anke from boogie boarding, but another Anke who I had met at Myella briefly. Every German woman I have met has been called Anke or Andrea so my address book is full of those names.

Ursula and I decided to pool our resources and cook a proper meal. We went to the shop to buy steak - and then decided on kangaroo steaks. A man originally from Llandudno started chatting to us in the store, so I asked his Australian wife how to cook the steaks. Her reply "you don't cook them love, you feed them to the bloody dog" was less than encouraging and we didn't have a dog. But we bought them anyway. Also, as we made the mistake of shopping when we were hungry, we bought loads too much and also bought cake AND biscuits. All the way home we stuffed our face with biscuits and discussed how unfair it is that once women get over 30 no matter how little you eat your body goes all spongey and blubbery. The biscuits were plain chocolate Tim Tams - a bit like Penguins, but so much better. Vegemite is second rate marmite, but TimTams are just heaven. I have hardly had any chocolate since I have been travelling, but Ursula led me astray. I foretell a lot more sponge and blubber before I get home.

We had bought enough food for Anke as well if she wanted to join us. Luckily for her she was a vegetarian and was saved from our hapless effort at ruining the steaks - actually they tasted lovely, although quite a bit of gristle, so not much meat. Then we sat chatting and drinking with Anke and Virpi from Finland. It was a very entertaining evening and very civilised too. We even had goblets to drink our wine from - they may have been plastic, but they were definitely goblets and not tea mugs. Even better for our entertainment whilst we were cooking, a very fit Swede was also cooking for himself and his daughter - at least we hoped it was his daughter because if not Interpol need to be alerted, she can't have been more than 13. He didn't speak to us - but that didn't deter me from drooling over him more and more obviously as I drank more and more red wine.

I decided not to go to Fraser Island. It is 4WD only - and my back was still in pain, even a trip on the Greyhound was agony, so two to three days bumping over sand dunes was out. However I definitely wanted to go whale watching. The weather was far from perfect - the sea was a little rough, but nothing compared to the 30 knot winds of Airlie Beach. Ursula and I sat at the front on the top deck and let the sea spray smack us in the face as we sailed off to find whales. There were three tour boats each with about 20 people on board. In the height of the season there are about 10 boats packed to gills with people - but equally every boat guarantees to see whales. We were at the tail end- and had heard dreadful stories of people not seeing any whales, let alone whales who would perform for an adoring public. The boats stayed in radio contact with each other, customer satisfaction coming before professional rivalry which was a nice touch. Also it would be pretty difficult to pretend you hadn't found a pod and were just stopping because there was in an interesting wave formation for your passengers to see.

We eventually tagged after another boat which had found a 'pod' - a group of 2 to 6 whales, generally a mother and calf with male escort(s). At this stage of the season the pods were just mothers and calves. We watched as the mother and calf came to the surface every 5 minutes for the calf to breathe, before going back down to have a feed. Adult whales can go 40 minutes or so without surfacing, but luckily for us the calves need to come up for air every 5 minutes. It was an amazing sight - and we weren't even that close, but you couldn't miss the 30 metre mother. Our captain kept un an endless stream of whale trivia to try and mask the fact that we may go home with only seeing the odd fin or an occasional glimpse of a tail. Whilst the feeding is going on (and baby whales need an awful lot of milk) the whales don't breach. Finally our pod finished with the feeding and the mother whale breached - jumped out of the water. Nobody was prepared with our cameras, so we got to see the whole thing properly and not through a view finder. It was amazing - whales weigh as much as 6 elephants, and to see one leap out of the water was so overwhelming I nearly cried - really. Just to be there watching real whales in the wild - they have everything here, everything. Then the baby took his cue and breached loads of times for us. Capturing the calf with the camera was quite difficult - I think we all had lots of pictures of splashes because you would have to be clicking the split second he jumped - so eventually I gave up and just watched it.

Humpback whales are are now about 7,000 in number - down from 200 after overhunting and the females have calves every single year - whereas once it was only every 3 to 5 years. I would love to see them again, but feel quite privileged that I got to see them at all. I think secretly the whales are breeding so frantically because they are hatching a plot to hunt us down to extinction - and I hope they succeed, but maybe not until I have watched them again.

In the evening after all my sanctimonious thoughts with regard to saving the whales we went out for fish and chips - extinction is clearly acceptable in my book if the creature is less than a metre long. And let's not forget the kangaroo meat of the night before. The fish was described as 'fresh reef fish' but as Ursula said it was far more Captain Birdseye than fresh off the reef. Anke was at Fraser Island (which I did get to see from the whale viewing boat so I have seen it), but we were joined again by Virpi and Andrea - another Andrea. This Andrea was also German and virtually ordered me to go to Fraser Island. I am sure she didn't mean it to come across like that - but it does sometimes seem as if you are receiving orders. Andrea was a teacher - I bet her kids never play up.

Monday I had to move out of lovely dorm into slum dorm - I was not happy, but my washing was on the line, so I couldn't pack in time to move on. Ursula and I hired bikes for the day and cycled along the beach shore. There were much prettier beaches than the ones near where we were so it was a lovely day - but we were both very saddle sore after the end of the 30 km trip. Hervey Bay has little to recommend it except trips to Fraser Island and whale watching in season, but it does have a 1 km pier and a 14km cycling / walking track along stunning tiny little palm fringed beaches.

In the evening we descended on the bar - we had run out of our supermarket wine, so had no choice but to frequent the hostel bar, which was a very pleasant bar. Anke joined us and expressed doubts about her new camera. The camera shop had promised her that it came with instructions in German - and it didn't, so she was worried her pictures weren't up to scratch because she couldn't read the instructions. This was a novel idea for me, who has never read an instruction book in my life. They go in the bin with the warranty, the box and usually some vital bit of the device which I don't realise I need to keep it operating until after the binmen have been. However Anke was concerned so we discussed over several glasses of red wine how best to sort out her dilemma. Ursula was leaving early the next morning to go to Fraser Island and I was on the early bus - so neither of us could go with her. We spotted the hostel owner at the bar - within seconds the poor man was faced with three slightly staggering, short and determined middle-aged women. He decided the easiest course of action was to drive Anke to the camera shop in the morning - which was very good of him. Me - I'd have hidden behind the bar until the scary old bats went away.

Then I packed for my next destination - Noosa. I had decided this on the advice of a dorm mate - Michelle. Michelle was from Southampton and spoke very plummily. She also had perfect hair, figure and face - so really you just wanted to hate her, but she was too nice. When I first met her she was standing in the middle of a dorm in a bikini rubbing a carrier bag all over her. Politeness dictated that I and the others present all pretend this was perfectly normal behaviour, until she explained that her sun lotion had leaked all over the bag - then we all understood. Backpackers hate wasting anything. I was saying I should move on and she recommended Noosa. "Really Viv, you will simply love it, it is the loveliest loveliest place on earth. I simply adoooored it. So lovely. I tell you what, if you don't like it you simply must come back and haunt me in a later life". Had I been a bit more awake I might have realised that Michelle and I may not have similar ideas of perfect holiday destinations - but it was early, I was gullible. I booked. After I booked Michelle told me I would "simply love it, so much like Port Douglas". I spent 30 minutes in Port Douglas - and that was 20 minutes too long. Very posh shops, five star hotels and a pretty beach. Australia has thousands of miles of beautiful beaches - for a few minutes I considered hastening Michelle's arrival at her next life, but so far nowhere in Oz had been hideous, and I could say I had been.

The next morning I was at the bus stop bright and early. The bus was bright and late. This was lucky because otherwise I wouldn't have got to hear the young English girl make endless phone calls home on her mobile. You know this girl - she gets on your train every morning and every evening. She is incapable of spending more than 3.7 seconds in silence so telephones everyone she knows to recount the day's events, she calls everyone sweetheart and darlin'. She should be beaten with a dead octopus until she promises to give up telephone calls for life.

Noosa

I arrived in Noosa - luckily mobile girl wasn't going there. Really really luckily swedish gorgeous bloke was - I was hoping he had enough of the gorgeous beach babes who are everywhere you look here and would settle for dumpy, frumpy and grumpy for a nice change. I hoped in vain. Despite staying at the same hostel as me I never saw him again. I did, however, meet a really nice couple who were really pleased to see me again, asked what I had been doing since we last met, told me they were now on their way home to New Zealand and wished me well. Throughout the 10 minute conversation I never had the heart to admit that I had never seen them in my life. How embarrassing. A group of three young English people (really young - just 20) also arrived on my bus. I think they saw me as their surrogate mother because every time I saw them they would tell me everything they had done and all about the shocking behaviour of their room mates. I tutted in sympathy and prescribed alcohol - it always works for me.

I had to agree with my trio of newly adopted children - Noosa was worryingly looking more like a party hostel. However my room was unlikely to be a party dorm - the other inhabitants included two very serious South Africans and a Canadian girl who never seemed to leave her bed, took up half the room with her luggage and loved to talk politics with everyone in the room - she was, without doubt, the dullest person I have ever met. For once in my life I decided the best course of action was never to say a word in her presence - it worked. I did speak to the South African girls - who were really nice, but always shutup when the Canadian girl re-entered the room. There was another occupant - I never saw her, she slept on the bottom bunk, I was on the top. She partied until late, I got up really early. It is odd to share a room with someone for several days and never see them, but not uncommon.

I decided to check out Michelle's "amazing coastal walk, you'll simply love it". And, bless her, she was right. It was beautiful. Of course on the first day it was closed for maintenance so I had to go on a detour through the forest but after that I just did what everyone else did - and walked round the no entry signs. So what if there is a serious danger of falling off a crumbling cliff edge, there's koalas, dolphins and even the odd whale to be glimpsed from that path. Because I was the only person to actually take the detour, I got to the edge on the first day to be told I had just missed a school of 20 dolphins leaping about in the sea. I wanted to push the workmen off the cliff - but they were much much bigger than me, and there would be another dolphin along soon ... wouldn't there? Well actually there wouldn't - but it was still a beautiful view, and I did see koalas. Other great things about Noosa - the ice cream. Absolutely lovely ice cream. Michelle hadn't mentioned that - but I don't think, by the look of her, she goes a bundle on it. By the way - Liz Hurley advertises Magnums here. How ridiculous. You can just tell she never touches anything that contains real calories. They should be forced to use a model who actually eats their product. Someone like me perchance? I can pout and wear revealing dresses. I might end up looking like a drag queen on crack cocaine ... but at least I have eaten a lot of Magnums in my time.

The final good thing about Noosa - Anne Marie was staying there. And I had assumed I wasn't going to catch up with her again. We spent a pleasant evening in the bar with another Vivien - spelt differently and from Germany. She had an Ozzie accent because she has been here months. It is very bizaare to here the stiff German pattern of speech together with the laid back Ozzie accent. Vivien was not actually staying at the hostel - she slept in her car, just popped in to hostels occasionally to use and abuse their bathrooms and kitchens. You do meet some odd people travelling. The other side of me on the couch in the bar was a very serious young man who was terribly busy on his laptop. He tutted anytime any part of me went anywhere him, his laptop or his powerpack. I assure you any contact was strictly accidental - it was a very spongy couch and I was drinking red wine - but there isn't enough red wine in Australia to convince me to flirt with that young man - very geeky and slightly scary. Also, just to really really wind him up, I leant right back in the couch and leaned to my left to see what was on his screen - solitaire! The sad git. Why spend all that money on travel just to sit on your own and play solitaire when you can go to work and get paid for playing it! Some people.

Wednesday Anne Marie and I went to Eumundi. Eumundi has a huge market twice a week - rumoured to be the biggest market in Australia. It was certainly huge. I bought a very wide brimmed sunhat - which Anne Marie said made me look very English. I think that was her very polite way of saying completely ridiculous. Anne Marie bought jewellry. We wandered around for a couple of hours and then dared each other to have our tarot cards read. Eventually we did - and our timing was perfect. As we sat in the tarot lady's tent, the heavens opened and we would otherwise have been soaked. The downpour lasted 40 minutes - which by amazing coincidence was the length of time it took the tarot lady to tell each of us we were going through a major period of change in our lives and would be very succesful - the first part was obvious - middle aged ladies on an extended period of travel, the second one she clearly wanted to give us our monies worth. She told me I would meet a man - when my career took off and my life was settled. In other words .... never.

Brisbane
Early the next morning I left for Brisbane. Anne Marie was to stay there for a few days before she goes off to South America and I had to change buses there. I went early so I could have six hours to wander round the city. I met a very nice young man who worked for a green organisation committed to saving Tasmania from the Gunwood syndicate. I said I would look into the activities of the Gunwood syndicate. He said there was no need - he would do it all for me, but would I just make out a direct debit form there and then pledging my support. I said I never gave bank details on the street - or anywhere else if I can help it. He said I had to or he wouldn't get paid. For a minute I was a little bit confused - were we saving the planet or had I wandered into a timeshare sales convention? I decided to take my leave of the little green man.

Brisbane is OK as a city - wide river, big bridges, loads of backpackers working in bars. Big buildings, hot weather - what more do you need to know. I can't say I would be bowled over to stay there for any length of time. At lunchtime I met up with Anne Marie for lunch and we went to a little italian restaurant recommended in The Rough Guide. The restaurant is called Verve - if you are ever in Brisbane do go. It is lovely and the food is really lovely. The waiter was really friendly and very funny. He was very impressed that they were mentioned in the Guide and that even one of their dishes was mentioned. We had a lovely meal and it was well worth the delay in Brisbane and the episode with the little green man.

From Brisbane I went to Lennox Heads - but that will have to wait for another episode because some lunatic is on the phone nearby. He has the most horrendous accent - I can't type and whilst a man is shouting like a strangled parrot only a few feet away. Photos to follow when I get to Sydney.

Viv x

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Photos

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Could take over from the Pirelli calendar!!

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Just so you can see how blue the sky really is

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All rivers are this wide, unless they are even wider.

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Beach at Noosa

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Look at the lovely brown stuff

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My sandsculpture - a masterpiece!

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Me and the boogie board ... and the brown stuff.

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Scooteroos .... Australia's answer to the Hell's Angels. Terrifying sight.

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Romantic 1770 sunset with the rare common as mud seagull.

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Ursula and I about to devour poor little Skippy.

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Pelicans on parade in Hervey Bay.

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A whale's tail!!

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That splash is a 30 metre whale breaching. Trust me.

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Blue Monday - another perfect Monday in Australia. Hervey Bay.

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Noosa

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Wild Turkeys on parade

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Sunrise over Noosa

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Noosa sunset.

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Brisbane river - I think.

Comments

[Clare]

I want to buy this in hard back !!!!!!!!!!
Viv just catching up on your trip and it sounds fantastic, you really should get this published. I have only got as far as Fiji and can't wait to read about Aus, but will have to wait for another day as we are not all as lucky as you and I really must get on with some work, unlike you I still hate Mondays !!!! Take care luv Clare (cousin)xx.