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Published: August 6th 2007
Hello people, I trust all is well with you my little blogettes? Its update time, and a fair bit of random stuff has happened so this will be a fairly lengthy blog, therefore I advise that you adorn yourselves with a comfy seating position, food and drink provisions and remove unwanted distractions from the room, and once you are ready we shall begin...
I shall start with my usual I suppose, that being the job situation, which you will be pleased to know is stable and I am still at the same one having not quit after a week this time-hoorah for me!In fact it has been 4 weeks there and the job is ongoing so should last me up until as long as I need, the basic plan being work there till September to get the cash together, then head on up the coast for a couple of months and then that will be OZ done! That being said, the job is massively boring, painfully so on most occasions. It is basic data entry (pensions for those who care)and just inputting member info all day long, the office itself is deathly quiet, same as the last one really-I think
these Aussie folk actually go to work to do work-whats the matter with them?!I have been fairly lucky and landed on a decent team though, in the main they are quiet but there is some good banter sometimes and are pretty laid back,I feel nice and settled in there now and get on with everyone so no complaints on that score. My team in paticular is not the backpacker type but is fairly young and mostly full of true Aussies which helps again and was lucky as a lot of the others are not on either front. Initially in front of me was sat a cockney girl, who was, well cockney, and therefore by definition as loud as a claxon. To add to this our team also has THE campest guy ever known to the history of homosexuality (I pale in comparison before anybody else says it!)Now before anyone abuses me comment wise I am not a homophobe or anything of that nature, why I even have a lovely gay couple in the midst of my best friends in the Barry Massive (cooeeee guys, hope you're super well, kisses!) but this guy on my team is the King of Camp,
Our pitchside seats
Shame we couldn't get any closer..and him combined with the foghorn cockney made for quite a scene, much noise was to be had and I was forever cursing them under my breath for just being a bit too much all day long together. Alas sometimes you have to be careful what you wish for because a couple of weeks ago she left and now the team is suitably quiet and boring again and I am even wishing she was back-guess theres a lesson to be learnt in there somewhere!?
The mundane style of this job has actually led me to be viewed as kind of strange on occasion.. I have unwittingly started a Scrubs (the TV programme)stlye internal monologue and hold conversations, remarks and other such randomness within my own head just like JD. Whilst this does pass away some hours it can also lead to some troubles, at one stage the camp guy stood up and in his usual over the top ta-dah! fashion shouted to the whole team "Oh my god you will NEVER guess what!?!?" and I in my head as quick as a flash thought "Don't tell me, you're straight?"...now I thought this was hilariously funny, and subsequently started to
Happy Birthday Gav
The cake and card I got him! awww giggle to myself really quite loudly. I had the whole lip biting,red faced,noise strangling, shoulder shuddering thing going on, but of course seeing as this masterpiece of comedy was in my own head it just led to lots of puzzled stares from my co-workers, hmm. And this has happened more than once. Still its not all bad, I think half of them avoid me now and am known for being some kind of deranged Welsh guy who talks and laughs to himself so thats a mini result. Alas even I can be bested, there is one team which is about 90% Asian/Chinese, and they have some kind of morbid fear about the whole DVT thing. This means that on the hour, every hour, an alarm goes off on their PC's, a song plays, and they as one rise to their feet, stand in the middle of their section and begin a series of stretches and flailing arm movements which involves slapping themselves on the back an touching their toes etc-its truly quite a sight to behold in an office. Oh and also I must quickly metion that the Aussies call Tip-Ex by a different name"liquid paper", now I realise Tip-ex
Our fashion hero
Sparkly suited man we always see in Scruffys, legend! is a brand name and so we are probably in the wrong but really, liquid paper?! I am allowed my ipod though so thats good and amuses me endlessly but they have been very wise as there is no internet access, damn them! I do have email though so you can all email me whenever you like, there is the 9 hour difference so makes it tricky but still its an option when you are in your offices trying to avoid work and I am doing the same, the address is mclements@superpartners.com.au
OK so whats next, ah yes I think its robbery time! Now first off let me start by saying that Sydney in general is a safe place, and Bondi Junction especially so, just perhaps not on this particular day. The main star of the show, as ever, is Gav, but really how could it not be? I pray that one day this boy becomes famous because his autobiography would be a best seller. Another claim to fame of his is that one day he was very drunk and happened to walk past Mick Hucknall, he of Simply Red fame. Now being a fellow ginger Gav decided to
Geth gets an eyeful
Name game+drinking=messy night waltz past the minders and shout "Hey you ginger ba*tard" as a joke, thinking they had some kind of ginger bond I guess. However Mick didn't quite see it this way and proceeded to headbutt poor Gavy! After the initial shock, stagger,realisation that he just been headbutted by none other than Mick hucknall, Gav decided to headbutt him back and run like hell. Its fair to say that Gav was seeing 'Stars'..and must have felt like he was at the 'Fairground' he was so dizzy...perhaps Mick was thinking he deserved it 'If you don't know me by now'... or maybe 'Something got me started'..he may have been jealous of a younger fellow ginger and so was 'Holding back the years'..(Come on people these puns are comedy GOLD!)
Anyway I digress, the point of this is that Gav foiled an armed robbery. He was sat in the internet cafe right next door to where we live (I'm there right now by the by)and may I also add he was meant to be off sick with some man flu. Now most people decide to snuggle up in bed, perhaps on the setee or just stay indoors, but Gav decided to go
Me and Geth outside the stadium
Wales v Australia, Tesltra Stadium, Sydney on the internet and stop a robbery! Whilst checking his mail and the like a random guy walked into the shop and shouted to the old Asian woman behind the desk to hand over all the money as he was armed, thats not to say that he simply had the use of 2 appendiges, in fact he claimed to have a syringe and a knife!! Gav stayed cool and watched all this going on, trying to decide if he should act or not....Now at this point I would like to interject-the owners of this shop frequently overcharge us for the internet, you pay for as long as you are on, generally $2.50 an hour but if you should happen to go 30 seconds over the hour and then leave to pay they are well known to charge you for the second hour. They perform daily robberies themselves I tell you. So knowing this if it was me sat on the internet when he came in, I would have had no loyalties to the robbing owners and probably would have assisted the guy with the syringe, why I would have even loaded the money into the bag for him, helped him
into the street, stopped the traffic for him to cross and then pointed out the best possible escape route whilst pointing the police in the opposite direction!
But Gav is a special breed, instead he waited for the guy to leave and then walked to the door, upon looking up the street he saw the guy folding up the weapon into his jacket and chucking it down the alley, and sizing up the guy Gav decided he wasn't very big or mean looking, nor particuarly fit for that matter so decided to give chase. Next thing he knows hes running up the street after a robber, when he glances to the right and notices the ancient male shop owner alongside him (dosen't say much for Gavs fitness levels!!). Whilst not a great chase worthy of a movie scene it did involve the guy weaving in and out of moving traffic and losing Gav, then appearing again and jumping into bushes and gardens and so on. Eventually he thinks he has lost him but SuperGav is not to be denied, his spidey senses are tingling...whilst in the midst of deciding what to do next the would be robber bursts out
The anthem
Damn handy that, I'm useless at the words of a bush next to Gav and tries to make a break for it. Gav uses his years of extensive TV watching to grab the guy by the t-shirt, who immediately throws his hands in the air and shouts "It wasn't me bruv!"(you will probably be asking, what wasn't you bruv? I suggest intelligence wasn't his strongest suit). Going for a bit of a struggle and another running attempt Gav sweeps his legs Jet-Li style and both tumble to the floor, at which point a police car screeches up to a halt, they jump out and pepper spray the guy into submission,the Asian onwer watching gleefully, when I imagine Gav would have said something cheesy like "cuff him boys". Think Starsky & Hutch, only Irish and ginger, with an ageing Chinese partner, you have the gist. The money is later recovered and the owners hail Gav a hero, promising him free internet and DVD's for life which sounded a sweet deal and a worthy risk. Sadly, of no surprise the next day we came in and he indeed got 2 free DVD's and internet but that was the last of that when they returned to normal ways the following day
and charged him normal price, such gratitude! As for the robber well he turned out to be somewhat lacking in the criminal mastermind stakes, a small article was in the paper, let me read it out for you:
A man has been charged with carrying out 3 armed robberies in 30minutes. At 4:07pm a man allegedly produced a syringe and demanded cash at a liquor store in Bondi Junction, police said.He punched the attendant but left without taking anything. At 4:18 a man entered a newsagency on Oxford Street with a syringe and demanded cash, but left empty handed. At 4:35 a man went into a video store on Newland Street, produced a syringe and demanded cash, before fleeing. Police arrested the suspect a short time later. The 33 year old man has been charged with 3 counts of aggravated robbery.
Sadly no mention of Gav, he he is still gutted and bitter over it to this day. Equally sadly I arrived back at the apartment at about 4:35-40, I must have missed the whole thing by seconds, in fact when I walked past I popped my head in the internet door as usual to see if Gav
was there and found an empty place. To this day I am forever saddened by the fact I just missed it, to have been walking down the street and seen Gav wheezing past me, his Asian sidekick at his heels, shouting things like "Stop thief,in the name of the law" or 'Come Mr Chang, we have him now".. "Broadband speed internet Mr Gavin,use your utility belt" etc whilst chasing after the deadly robber would have been a memory to treasure forever, alas it was not to be.
It turns out Australia can kill you in many ways, if its not the crocs or snakes or spiders that will get you, and you manage to avoid syringe wielding robbers, then the weather can cause you to shuffle from this mortal coil too. Aussies love to moan about the drouts, there is never enough water in the right places and there are lean times ahead etc. Well this past week it rained in biblical proportions and they moaned about that too.To be fair it was pretty bad, they called a national state of emergency and a natual disaster along most of the east coast, we were fine down here in Sydney
save for a lot of rain and lots of high winds (and yes I apprecate the irony of it being boiling back home thanks!). On the coast they had to evacuate towns, roads and bridges were washed away, cars, homes and lives were lost. The most impressive sight was a massive tanker being beached at Newcastle (the one just above Sydney, not the strange speaking, crap football playing one)which was a huge 40,000 tonne coal ship simply pushed onto the beach by the strong winds and waves. Added to this the weather caused all the airports to close and trains stopped etc, it was pretty much a lock down for a couple of days whch made for exciting times and leads me to now claim I have survived a natural disaster, even if it was miles away and didn't affect us one bit. Before this kicked in there was also an earthquake off the north coast of Australia, a shark attack along the coast of New South Wales in which a primary school boy died and a massive train crash in the Northern Territory when a lorry tried to beat a train before it reached an intersection(they just have a
Second try near us too, such a good start!
See big rugby men hug their mates too, its not so camp after all! light flashing and alarm sounding here, no barriers). So all in all it seems Australia isn't possibly the most safest place in the world to live but then I guess you couldn't call it boring either!
On to some sporting news if I may, since the last blog (a month ago now, nearly 5 months in total, its shooting by) Liverpool played and lost in the Champions League final. In the interests of fairness I have therefore included a picture that takes the pi*s back out of Liverpool, using Man United's AIG top as I included one in the last blog that abused Man United. However, I must point out that the game did prove one thing that I had forgotten, Man U fans are worse winners than they are losers judging by the texts I received, even if they weren't invloved in the game as they had been embarassed my Milan in the previous round! And so on to the nearly so mighty Welsh, who played a 2 game rugby tour over here recently playing against the Aussies in Sydney and Brisbane. Myself and Gav therefore decided to attend the Sydney game as it was only 20 quid
For the ladies-Gavin Henson
Look how tanned, shaved legged and gel in his hair compared to Gareth Cooper! a ticket and I was very happy we went in the end. We managed to get great tickets, right in the front row behind the goalposts at one end, which saw most of the tries scored and also all the players warming up(mental note, Gavin Henson is stupidly fake tanned and shaved legged compared to his fellow pale skinned, ugly hairy colleagues).We had a bar nearby so got suitably drunk and there were thousands of Welsh in attendance which I was surprised at and great to see, they produced more of an atmosphere than the Aussies (I think there was 40,000 in total) and it was a great game, Wales coming SO close to beating them but losing in injury time to a try scored right in front of my nose. I had visions of jumping the barrier and hitting someone, then I realised they were all twice the size of me, high and wide, would have killed me with a stare and besides all that I had a beer in hand which of course could not be spilled, they got off lightly I tell you!Thankfully we chose that game though because in the 2nd game in Brisbane Wales were
Inflatable celebration thing
Means more to people in this country really, they are on adverts destroyed so we definetly made the right choice! Was a great random night though and we got wrecked so made for a great weekend, Gethin was along for the ride also so provided his usual randomness. We have had a few nights out lately included this weekend just gone which was a public holiday due to the Queens birthday-a superb irony that half the country don't want her anymore but willingly and indeed gleefully take the day off! Loads of the usual drunken mischief, most of which cannot be mentioned for legal reasons but great nights had by all. It was also Gavs 24th birthday so he has visions of old age, for the record I'm 27 next month people so I want money in cards please. I very cutely and perhaps camply bought Gav a birthday cake(kinda,it had chocolate on anyway) and some muffins and bought him a nice big card-see I am a good boy! Sadly I then discoevered he dosen't actually like cake so consider that the last ever effort I make for someones birthday no matter who they are-this is a blatant convinient way to stop me ever buying things for people but I am using
it and you can all blame Gavy!
Onto the smaller yet also equally important news concerning some of you lot, don't worry people I am nearly done, bare with me till the end! Andy and Julie came back from the coast where they had a great time including the Barrier Reef dive and holding animals in the sanctuary etc, they enjoyed themselves a lot and came back safe. They have now flown to New Zealand for a whistle stop tour of the South Island for 5 days and will then return to us again so I trust they will enjoy that, bungees will had be had and that they return safely again. Speaking of NZ Sarah-Jane will kill me if I fail to mention it is 40 something days till she does her own 6 week trip to NZ in the Summer, her countdown is on an hourly reminder and I am told frequently of it. The majority of the Barry Massive enjoyed a week in Portugal recently and tanned very nicely, had a great time and nobody fell into any cupboards (Yank excellently did this while drunken one year on holiday).It was a shame I had to miss
George Gregan's back..
I swear we took about 8 pictures trying to get him face on, the man was too quick! it due to being otherwise engaged but sounded like a great time and I'm glad you all enjoyed, air high 5 coming your way. Although Homer didn't go with them it seems for about the 3rd blog running he has to steal the headlines somehow, not content with announcing Louise was pregnant he then decided to romantically propose to her on a trip to Barcelona so a big congratulations to them-although can I take this moment to moan that nothing EVER happens back home when I am there, and the one year I choose to come away Homer is due a baby, engagement party and the Barry Massive take a mass trip to Portugal, I'm starting to take a hint here people!!
In other news that is worthy of headlines himself, Chris has...has....I almost can't bring msyelf to type it...got himself a girlfriend..I know I know, I was shocked too. For those of you who don't know him Chris is a good looking boy, he does well with the ladies on a far far too regular basis, he is the eternal single jack the lad and my fellow women chaser,banter enjoying, crazy commade. So him getting a girlfriend is
akin to Jack the Lad becoming Tom (under the)Thumb, the carefree Littlest Hobo turning into Lassie,the wild Abonimable Snowman becomes Harry and the Hendersons, terfifying Jaws being tamed to Flipper, the free spirited Black Beauty turns into Red Rum, its just not right people, let us all bow our heads and feel for him for a moment.....a sad day my friends... Finally, good luck to my mum who by the time I next blog will hopefully have been in and out of her operation and on the road to recovery,feeling much better, lying on the setee with her summoning bell in hand, my dad running around making her copious cups of tea and fluffing pillows, I'm sure all will be fine, good luck to all involved!
OK I think that's me done people, you can now return to your regular lives and resume your activities. Stay well, stay in touch, stay young and invincible.
xx
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Sarah-Jane
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41 days....
I kept telling you it was a dangerous place to be but would you listen??? No, Michael knows best, as always. Just as well you have nothing left of value to leave anyone, i've already got the car and the CD collection! (Of which there is a small scratch on one of the aforementioned items..oops) Great blog as usual, took all of my precious lunchtime to read. XXX