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Published: September 28th 2006
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Alas, Chris and I had come to the end of our stay in New York, New York, so good they named it twice (much like Cameroon soccer ace Djemba-Djemba...and Lorna - that's right el jay, I totally zinged you on my blog! What now?!). Such a proverbial kaleidoscope of cross-culture Americana is this fine City, you could basically stay there and get a taste of the whole world without leaving. However, we only had 9 days and are going around the world anyway (what's the point going to Chinatown when you can go to China? We came to see America, dagnammit!) and so we set about doing all the things unique to the Big Apple.
As mentioned in a previous blog, we had been sold comedy club tickets on our first day while wondering around Times Square like a pair of lost boy scouts. The tickets turned out to be a steal...4 for the price of 2. Unfortunately we had only accumulated the one friend by the time we used them, an experienced globe-trotting Londoner named Neil, so technically a ticket went to waste. But we still had one helluva night.
We got a taxi to the venue and
Another for Spak and co
The McTootan dance...in Central Park! handed over the goods. Our plans to retreat to a dark corner of the room to enjoy the show from were immediately scuppered upon entering, as it was quite well-lit and box-sized. So we sheepishly shuffled through to the seats assigned to us, fully aware that Vegy's hairdon't and my metrosexual good looks would make us easy targets for scathing attacks. Seated (roughly one inch from the mike), we prepared to meet the two drink minimum as early as poss to settle our nerves, but we didn't have time to so much as place our order before the MC took to the stage, opening with "So...any out of towners?". Amazingly, we avoided any audience participation (disregarding one ill-advised "heckle" from a certain member of our group closer to the end), and seemed to be saved by the fact that ethnic stereotypes dominate the New York stand-up circuit. Most of the barbs were dished out to 3 black couples directly in front of the stage and a table of jews in the corner. There were about 8 or 9 acts in total. One guy absolutely died (which in itself was quite funny), 2 acts were outstanding and the rest ranged from
Totem Bears!
I'm the one at the bottom chucklesome to sub-par.
By now we'd sunk a few jack and cokes and the crowds were starting to thin out. Realising the night was winding down, the organisers sent out a dame by the name of Brenda, or something similar, I forget. She was a seasoned pro, but some of her material was a little dated. I think the reason she was there was to close the show by way of causing the remaining few to leave. Noticing we were English (after said heckle), she said "Hey, how about that Prince Charles? You know his ears are so big he can pick up cable!"
We followed the tumbleweed out the door with a taste for liquor, and got in the bar across the road, Brady's. It wasn't a bad little place, with a big friendly guy tending bar and a very tasteful game hunting coin-op that a southern belle had pumped full of quarters. "Wa-hoo! Daddy, I done blown another chipmunk full o' rocksalt!" she would squeal, and down would go another 3 shots at our table. Friendly as it was in there, it was near empty, so on the barman's advice we headed a few blocks south
RAAAAAAAAARRRGH!
2 dinos battle it out - in skeleton form. to a karaoke bar called Iggy's. No crooning occurred on our behalf, and we ended the night drinking pitchers next door in a Caribbean joint. Oh no, wait; we actually ended the night in a 24 hour diner, where I dragged the boys so I could indulge in a delicious plate of pasta.
Comedy Night - the best... "Get a bunch of guys together and watch UFC, and it only takes a few beers before you're moving the coffee table out of the room and going yourselves. But one guy always takes it too far by pinning someone down and trying to put his gonads on their head."
"I asked my black friend if he'd like to go for a stroll in the forest behind my parent's place at Maine. He goes 'HELL, no!'. I'm like, 'why not?' and he says 'cos Freddy Kruger's up in that bitch!' That's true. I couldn't make that up."
"Whenever someone comes over to my place, they always lock the door when they use the bathroom. And I'm thinking, 'it's just the 2 of us...' ."
...and the worst "I was riding the subway here next to a
From left to right..
me, Ray ray, Ems and Vegy blind guy. I asked him what the braille safety instructions said - so he told me, 'in the event of a fire, follow someone who can see'!"
That was the guy who died's first gag and the biggest laugh he got. Seriously.
Medo, Crouse, and boozey-mcflooze
The same pipsqueak that flogged us the comedy tickets had told us that catching a show on Broadway was a must while we were in town. So after Neil left to explore pastures new, we hooked up (and by that, I mean met) with a nice pair of English girls called Rachel and Emma (big love if you're reading this Ray-ray and Ems!). They had already caught a show and had insider info on how to get discounted tickets. Chris and I had had our hearts set on "The Lion King", but there were bad omens from the start (early plans to go dressed as Timon and Pumbaa crashed and burned) and it turned out there were no tickets available for that show. However, adopting the Hakuna Matata ethic, we kept our heads up and kept looking, eventually agreeing on "The Wedding Singer". Much like the Adam Sandler movie of
Nice
Arty shot of one of the neon signs at Times Square (taken after the Mean Fiddler, so not bad) the same name, it was full of catchy little ditties, hilarious antics and tongue-in-cheek 80's references. In short, it was ace. A post-show visit to a nice little Irish bar called The Mean Fiddler made for a cracking night. Moreso for some than others, hey Emma??!?
There were many other things that we did while in New York that we haven't really had time to go into detail about. At the Natural History Museum, we were transported back to the days where dinosaurs weren't just confined to zoos, and Robert Redford took us for a journey through the wonders of space. At ESPN zone we knocked back burgers, brownies and beer before working it off on some of the sports based games in the arcade. We even laced up the inlines and went cruising through Central Park (actually, that didn't happen, but we did stroll through quite briskly). For those experiences, we'll have to let the photos do the talking.
And so, standing atop the Jazz on the City hostel's roof terrace and gazing down at the yellow taxis that littered the grid of streets below, I couldn't help but feel that I'd miss the time we'd spent
Ohh, say can you seeee...
Vegy salutes the stars and stripes in this fine city. Taking another bite from my breakfast bagel, I silently bid farewell. Bravo, New York. Bravo.
P and L to all my homies who be leaving messages for us on this site (that's peace and love for all you freedom-hating fascists). Missing you all and sending positive vibes your way. Cheers 'n' gone.
Liam
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rach
non-member comment
guys how do u do it?!?
hey guys! glad to see that me and em now have a mention in your legendary travel blog, think its the least u can do after the respect we earnt u with "zee german" and the embarassment i went through sneaking into an all boy dorm that mornin. hope u guys are good and enjoying your travels... so jealous xxxxxxxxxxxx