Last Days at Home

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The scope of my departure had not fully registered until I woke this morning. I have everything packed and every item checked off on my to do list. But until today I may as well have been packing for a few weeks in, say, Kansas City.

I filled out the first of a seemingly endless flow of paperwork eight months ago and had the idea to study abroad long before that. The three months I will spend in Spain have seemed like a vague and distant venture, blurred by fantasy and unrealistic imagination. Everyone knows I haven’t stopped confidently explaining (with detail) the awesome things I will do, the fascinating people I will meet, and the marvelous things I will see. Now its time to live up to the great tales I have foreseen. Perhaps it was a certain realistic nightmare I had last night, or my instinct finally caught up to my brain, but when I got out of bed this morning I felt different. My trip suddenly felt less like a fiction novel I had dreamt up. It was all too real now.

In 48 hours I will be somewhere over the Atlantic, staring at the dark expanse below me and all at once realizing how massive the earth really is. No matter how hard I try not to, I will no doubt be scrutinizing every notion I have about what terrifying circumstances might await me in the coming weeks. I’ll try to calm my nerves with an inspiring travel novel, but that will only remind me that I could have done more Spanish reading this summer (i.e. any at all).

In truth I know it’s not worth worrying. I know this adventure will be the time of my life, and will end all too soon. I have to remember to take advantage of all the firsts I’ll experience. Because I know once I am settled, all the nerves and scrutinizing will seem trivial. I know when I get back on the plane to fly home I will be a new person, all for the better. I will fly home wishing I could go back to the moment I typed these words and do it all over again. And it’s with that realization that I happily zip up my bags and wait for my journey to start.

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