Day 3: The one where Bethany realises she doesn't like helicopters quite as much as she thought

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Up at 7 again. This is what happens when you're both so knackered that you go to bed at 10.30. I believe that rock and roll is here to stay, God gave it to us, it's the only way to heaven, Joan Jett quite likes it and I like to think we are the living embodiment of that in 2011.

We leave Vegas today and I have to say, I'm not going to be sorry. Bethany has come to love the glitz and hoohah, but if I hear another bleep, blip, whistle or jangle I'm liable to do something violent. Luckily enough I'm now a fully-trained fighting machine with an intimate knowledge of all types of terrifying firearm. We are picking up the car today and, having seen the carefree attitude to consideration and indication here, I'm beginning to regret choosing the MGM Grand as my chosen pick up spot. It's on the Strip, on the wrong side, next to a massive intersection I'm sure I'd be fine with if I were a local Las Vegian (or whatever), but I'm wishing I'd chosen their Little Sleepyville branch instead.

My sister has kindly given us a list of food items to sample, most of which we've all heard of but I'm not sure actually exist. First on the list is grits, for crying out loud. Whatever, I'm fully intending to get right on that once we leave the surreal, unreal bubble that is Vegas. It is impossible to eat well here. I gave in to tradition (Bethany, every Thurs for the last 2 years) and we ate at Subway yesterday. Instead of a cookie as part of the meal you can choose a little packet of apple slices. I fell on it and devoured them like someone who had lived in a fruitless, vegetableless (it's a word if I say it's a word) nutritional desert for the last 3 days. We haven't found a single supermarket/convenience store that sells anything more than confectionery. Oddly enough, I am expecting to eat better once we leave here and get into the desert.

Oh yeah, we flew the Grand Canyon. Picked up at our hotel by a limo with an extraordinarily friendly driver. Just as with my last visit to the States, my previous dismissive attitude to America, its inhabitants, language and customs begins to dissipate with the application of context. It all makes sense here. The spelling is more functional and makes more sense than ours. Although my shameless snobbery has abated somewhat with age, it has still been there but out here, in context, it seems churlish and unnecessary. When a camera is pointed at Americans, they all look as if they were born to be there. Do the same to an English person and the majority will stammer and squeeze out something that looks like they have just emerged from 2 years solitary confinement. I always took this as proof of your average American's inherent shallowness, but it turns out that they are not necessarily good at talking into a camera. They're just used to talking to each other. You don't ride an elevator (see how American I am) without some friendly exchange. When people exhort you to have a GREAT day, I'm beginning to believe they really mean it. Alright, they're not going to put themselves out to ensure it happens, but I believe the sentiment is genuine.

Oh yeah, the Grand Canyon. The limo was cool. We rode sideways, just because we could. Bethany's face when we were preparing for the helicopter was a picture. Slick would be the best way to describe the whole operation. The pilot was extremely friendly and practised at putting people at ease. The sensation of flying in a helicopter is difficult to describe. It's not what you think it's going to be. Hovering is initially more shaky than you think, then speeding up is breathtaking. 10 metres above the tarmac and the whole machine (and that's all it is - a machine, built by people, flawed people with problematic lives and distractions - a machine with a LOT of different, necessary parts with shelf lives) tilts forward so you are all staring at said tarmac at gathering speed. Once we were up the scenery was amazing, and the photos don't do it any justice at all. We had 6 in our chopper (listen to me!) and plenty of time to view the stark, almost sculpted scenery. Honestly, it looks as if someone has designed it and, given what they've done with Las Vegas, I wouldn't put it past them. As John, the limo driver said, it's amazing what billions of dollars in construction money will do for you. Bethany was probably most excited about this - both the canyon and the helicopter - but spent the journey back looking like she had just found out all Subways were made out of babies. She did not do well with motion sickness but managed to avoid hurling in front of 2 Yanks and 2 New Zealanders.


We're having a fantastic time and absolutely loving it, but I'm still missing my wife. As soon as I leave, her life is reduced to organising spice racks and making breadbins. Someone look after her, please!

So, exploration today. We're leaving the instant gratification and oddly choiceless extravaganza of choice that is Vegas and actually becoming normal people again. Out into the desert and hopefully achieving my primary objective for this trip - to drive along a perfectly straight road in the middle of the desert. I don't want much, you see. e don;t know where we're staying tonight. I'm hoping to find a motel in the middle of the Mojave desert - the scummier the better. Then the mountains and Big Bear Lake on Saturday.

Catch you later, Europeans.

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