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Published: July 21st 2008
I apologize for the amount of updates in this past week. I have a feeling they will slow quite significantly (well.. to at least once a week, haha) as I finally begin a full-time job and try to regulate my schedule to fit this. I'm not entirely certain what will happen from August until the end of December with regards to my employment: for the immediate future I'm working at the temp agency doing.. something. Probably training for a receptionist position at another firm for when a job becomes available. I know my boss is going to take care of me though. They're only searching for jobs within a set payscale which is great, as it gives me a method to plan exactly how much income I'll earn in a month. The shift I work is from 7 in the morning until 16, which will put me in and out before all the messy rush hour traffic hits (since the metro rail doesn't run to Annandale unfortunately, so it requires a car). That and they've allowed me time off for Sora's wedding, and possibly a week in October or November if I take it. At this point.. not entirely certain. We'll see how things go, right? Nothing is ever set in stone.
Facebook gets me into trouble, though, because it always makes me think. :P And all it takes is a day of alone time, Nils to harass and weep over cute anime with, a chat with my senior number one female husband, and you get yourself a dose of Ashley introspection. But I think I'm in need of some advice. Not that I haven't already asked everyone in the world what I should do about it, with the resounding answer being the very same thing.. It's harder for me to listen and to act though for several different reason. One big reason being that a certain key player is never around. The second being that I am far too shy and quiet for my own good, even now. It was unspoken rule in our household that if you had something to say then say it: otherwise, don't speak until spoken to. And though I've broken myself of that in some ways I still find it very difficult to take initiative and begin conversations with people. This applies to my family as well. Yesterday my sister and I went to our hometown to celebrate my Grandmother's birthday, where I was accused of being an emo kid and the spawn of Satan (jokingly, of course) several times and mostly kept to myself. It's.. really awkward for me to say anything around any of them, as weird as that might sound. I have a few key individuals in my family that I can connect with and open up to very easily, and most of them are children. Actually, as a rule in general I connect with little kids, people younger than me, and people my own age much more easily than people who are senior in age. I think that also might tie in to why I am shy; I'm perfectly fine with talking to a child about their dreams, about what they want to be when they grow up, weaving pretty stories for them to join in on and add ridiculous lines to.. With people my own age I'm good with talking about serious things and non-serious things, with joking around and playing games, while at the same time discussing deep and thought-provoking issues. But anyone else I just sort of smile, nod, and keep my silence about me. I hope I can break that attribute sometime.
But not to remain sidetracked any further-- Anyone willing to let me speak my mind a while, and in return speak their own? Doesn't matter the subject, and it never matters how long we talk so long as we connect. Talking with Wes earlier this week made me long for any kind of serious, thought-provoking conversation for some reason, and I think I need a little bit of reflection time on Kansai Gaidai in general. It's been far too long.
I think the one thing about Gaidai that still haunts me is the ever present desire to go back to Japan. Nils and I were talking today that how at this point it would be a very bad idea, because things just won't be the same. It makes me incredibly happy that I only did one semester abroad as opposed to the full year, mostly because I don't think I could have handled telling people "see you later" twice like some of my friends did. I'm glad that Sombat decided to do a second semester though; he and I attend the same university, and we were talking about it a bit before we returned to America. In a small way he's started a life over there. He has a girlfriend, activities he's involved with, and goals to accomplish that could not be achieved at NC State. And I'm really glad that he saw this; not to say that I don't love Mertz-sensei and Tai-sensei, but I definitely learned more at Gaidai than I ever could have fulfilling my major requirements at my home university. I know realistically that going back to Japan is going to be different. As I've said before: the people are what made the experience special to me, no matter how much I love Japan and everything about it. I want to go back with people I know and have done the same things with me, so we can remember the good old times and build some new memories. How long will it be before I go back? Not sure right now. It's my physical home, but I can honestly say that my emotional home is in Sweden. And right now that is what take top priority in my life. So for the moment I'll be content with going back to Toyo Shokuhin and Daruma for Apollo Chocolate, mochi, Calpis, and the other things about Japan that I loved for rare bits and pieces of natsukashii. I already sleep on the floor here so it isn't too far off from Seminar III or even the tatami mat beside Jenny's futon. :P Just have to take things in stride and know it will all work out.
The situation with my loan is also resolving itself very nicely. As of now I don't have to make any payments until November. So everything that I make now can go into savings until December when I plan (hopefully) to make my last payment. By then I should have surpassed my goal for what I wanted to make this year, and be able to pay things off in full. My step-brother and his fiancee have even agreed to buy my car, and will have a down payment then and pay whatever they don't give me up front as installments for my loan while I am gone. Selling things has been bittersweet, though. I just sold my bedroom suite to my dad and step-mother, and I'll soon be trying to pare down all the stuffed animals I've collected through my life, as well as other things I've inherited and deciding what to sell and what to keep. A majority will be sold, of course; just going to keep the things that really are sentimental in value. With these things said, it's look like all I'm going to have to pay back is around $4000, which.. really, I don't know what to say. It seems a bit surreal right now to even think that things are working out as nicely as they are. I don't want to jinx myself, but I've never been more sure that I am doing the right thing with myself.
I also think I might start selling baked goods online, but I'm not entirely sure how to go about the process. With the summer heat its a job I can't really begin until autumn or else things may spoil.. Which gives me some time to plan, as well as work up flyers and business profiles. I tried selling cakes once when I was saving up for Japan but that was halted for a number of reasons unfortunately, least of which was that everyone in North Carolina is already in that business. Any suggestions? But by next weekend I ought to have some pictures to post to show my progress on Sora and Ben's wedding cake. I held off on making the flowers this weekend since I don't really have the space to store them, so I think things should be fine if I put in solid blocks of time next Saturday and Sunday. I'm waiting on the final headcount as well before I make any moves, so that way I can order enough paper liners and gumpaste to ensure I can make things work. The tiered cake will be simple enough; it's all those cupcakes that will put me into an early grave with rum intoxication by the time of the wedding.
This past weekend was amazing though, and it's sad to see it coming to an end. At the same time it's also great to see another week gone and August fast approaching. Hopefully meeting up with Marlon from Kansai Gaidai tomorrow night after work, so I'll update with that and how my first week went sometime this following weekend. In closing: though I don't aspire to be a prince, I really hope I can inspire the dreams of someone else some day. That to me would make everything worth the world.
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Zack Fair
non-member comment
I don't really get your "If I go back, it wouldn't be the same"-thinking. Sure, all the people and places would have changed. But I am sure that you would have just as lovely a time there. When I go next fall to Tokyo and I wont know a soul there. But I will definitely have even more fun there than I had my last time in Japan. Why? Since Japan is such a wonderful country. Japanese are lovely and so are many Japanese-students.