Chicago

---

Arriving in Chicago was a pleasant experience. The underground system there serves the airport, so it was just a case of buying my seven day travel pass for $20 (which I thought was phenomenal value) and setting off on the journey to the hostel.

This took about an hour, as as the elevated train creaked towards the city, I was impressed. Chicago is noted for its architecture, and it isn't hard to see why. There was the standard city landscape, but the buildings seemed modern, well designed and to fit into the skyline with ease. I'd heard bad things about the hostel online, but considerations of budget mean that I didn't feel too much like paying an extra $15 a night for the only realistic alternative. I figured though that a lot of hostels attract negative reviews from people who don't quite grasp the standards you'd expect in a hostel, so set their standards too high and are doomed to disappointment.

When I arrived though, it was clear that on any objective standard that I was right. My room was painted a horrible shade of lime green, almost matched by sheets that might have once been white, but now oozed of a cigarette toothstained yellow palour. The floor was tiled with yet more green, rubber tiles this time underneath a thin layer of dirt. On on side of the room, huge curtains blocked out the sunlight, dusty, and again a hideous green. Things didn't get any better when one wandered in search of a cleansing shower. The wallpapered cubicles smelt of mould, the floor was still unwalkable in bear feet (except in the actual shower itself), and no soap was provided to wash your hands in having used to foul looking toilet.

A blissful scene already then, but more factors must be considered. The first is that the hostel had no lockers. This meant that valuable items were effectively at the mercy of whoever wanted to steal them. I locked the zip of my backpack to discourage easy thefts of small valuables, and then locked the backpack into my main bag to make just stealing the backpack more difficult. I still wasn't happy leaving my stuff though, especially with what was kindly called a “Nursing Center” being located next door. This seemed to consist largely of the 'mentally deficient' sitting outside, behind their bars, chain smoking and muttering at passers by; joy!

I woke up the next morning, feeling decidedly disgusting, to find a cockroach eyeing me up from its position 10 cm from my face. I was also informed that the hostel shut from 11 through to 2pm for 'cleaning'. On the last day I laughed as the young asian chap on reception told me this. His response was worthy of Basil Fawlty. Amusing, but arrogant an obnoxious. When he told me, after asked me repeatedly if I had a problem (I told him I didn't think the hostel was that clean, but apparently that's the wrong sort of problem), he bluffed and told me if I thought it was dirty, he'd give me a refund and I could leave. I wondered what the Organ grinder would have made of that offer (several signs said 'No Refunds') - then realised what that would make him (the monkey), and sincerely hoped the phrase was lost in translation. My feeling of satisfaction with the hostel was complete!

Chicago itself seems a nice place to live, but doesn't have a lot to do in terms of tourism. I went to a few museums, an aquarium, planetarium and up one of the tallest buildings in the city – but it felt as though I could have done most of these anyway. One local speciality I was keen to try though was a deep pan pizza, and I wasn't disappointed!

The other highlight was visiting the beaches of Lake Michigan, an absolutely enormous freshwater lake which Chicago runs alongside. Unfortunately though, when I attempted a little swimming the jackbooted, orange clad lifeguards sprang into action with their little whistles, and demanding that I remove myself from the clear and present danger of water that advanced to a height greater than my waist. Following my re-education, I now see that I was stupid, selfish and put both the safety of myself and others at risk to attempt to engaged in the subversive, perverted and immoral practice known as 'swimming'.

One final thought though. Is it any wonder America suffers such a problem with obesity when the things that might help them shift a few pounds are banned on the grounds of health and safety....

---