The Eagle? Nah, The Albatross Has Landed In Hawaii.

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DAY 1: Off again To Hawaii. Our July 2013 Waikiki Vacation !

I've gotta' tell you, yesterday (was it only then?) was absolute mayhem trying to finalise some invoicing, plus ordering and then checking the work load for the coming 2 weeks. In the middle of it all I had a call from the doc to say he wanted to discuss my ECG result. "Hahahaha! See you in 2 weeks Bucko", was my answer. "If I come back in a body bag you're off the hook". We hugged the son, kissed the dogs and were out the door at work by 11am. We sped home, I ran through the shower and jumped in the car. Then I went back inside, towelled off, dressed and jumped in the car again. A clear run to Sydney and we were at the airport check-in with time to spare.

Grabbed a pizza at a mediocre airport cafe'. Tip: Dine in the food court before security. Choices after that are mediocre. Take-off was on time (thanks Jetstar) and the flight was smooth as silk. This time, we opted for no prepaid meals, so we'd packed trail bars, cheese 'n cracker serves, choc bikkies, nuts, jerky, mandarins and bananas. I er, um, went a bit overboard on the bring-your-own food bit. We could have fed half the plane! We put everything in snap-loc plastic bags for freshness and easy identification through security.

Now, here's a tip for anyone contemplating doing the same. Due to the different atmospheric pressure at cruise altitude, the trapped air in the snap-lox bags caused the bottoms of the bags to rupture and dump their contents through the carry bag I had them all in. The sealed cheese 'n cracker serves never ruptured, but were also bubbled up. Then there was a mandarin that actually burst it's skin and leaked the juice from the ruptured fruit segments into all the loose mixed nuts in the bag. Nice mess. I now have a better understanding of the effect of altitude on a person's body. It's a wonder we all arrive with intact brains and eyeballs. Also, take an empty drinking bottle through security and you can fill it with filtered water adjacent to the departure lounges.

Arrival was on time in Honolulu and customs clearance was swift. The lady customs officer was more interested in talking to Jen about the upcoming ukelele festival when she spied her uke. Nice lady, but then we've never struck an obnoxious USA customs officer yet. One of the lines that our friends were in was delayed because a young man from Australia wanted to be an irritating a-hole, refusing to answer simple questions about his stay. Some people... Hope they gave him a cavity search and I'm not talking dental work.

To get into Waikiki, I just went to the information board as usual and called a shuttle company. It arrived in about 10 minutes and we were the only 4 passengers. As I was getting in, Jenny asked me for my passport folio with my share of the vacation money in it. I couldn't find it and then I remembered that I'd put it down on the edge of a raised garden to turn on my phone when we were walking to the shuttle pick-up point. My stomach turned as I jogged back to the spot where I'd left it. To my relief, there were two of Honolulu's Finest holding my folio. Yes! They checked my license ID against my passport in the folio and returned it to me with a "You are one lucky SOB" lecture. I had to agree wholeheartedly with them, shook their hands and jogged back to the shuttle. Whew!

The run into Waikiki was the quickest we've ever had. Traffic was minimal and the driver was efficient. We were at the Waikiki Shore before 9am. I called the lady who was our accommodation contact and moments later we were in the apartment, my head still spinning from all the morning's madness. How good was it having a condo ready when we arrived! Our travelling companions couldn't access theirs until after lunchtime, so we all took turns to have a refreshing shower at our place to recharge from our overnight flight. I'd had a couple of 15min naps on the plane, but Jen hadn't sleep a wink.

After we'd all freshened up, we went over to Starbucks out front of The Outrigger Reef so Glenn could have his "fix". Being a green tea drinker, I grabbed an iced green tea. I'd never had a fresh iced tea before, usually purchasing bottled varieties. Well, I had a slurp and I have to say that was one of the most revolting things I'd tasted. They didn't make it badly, I just wan't aware of what unsweetened cold green tea tasted like. I looked everywhere for a stray dog so I could lick under it's tail to get the taste of the tea out of my mouth. Urgh!

As we had some urgent shopping to attend to, we decided we'd hit the Ala Moana shops. Yes, you heard right I was going shopping. The wife was shocked! Anyhow, we then discussed transport options and chose a cab, which was only $2 dearer than the trolley or bus and much more comfortable. Down at the shops, the place is in renovation mode from where Sears have vacated, I suppose. I was after some new joggers and a pair of strides for the Mayoral Dinner on Friday night. Didn't get any of them. WE only bought a mouse for Jen's laptop from the Apple store. I hate shopping...

One thing led to another (yes!) and we ended up at the Maitai Bar for drinkies and snacks. This was my first alcoholic drink for 2 weeks and that one maitai had me mellowed out. Next on the agenda was some new sim cards for the "$20 drug dealer specials" phones we still had from last year. So, after walking the breadth of the Ala Moana Centre, I found a Radio Shack (I'd bought the phones from Radio Shack in Lahaina last year). Then they told me I had to go see AT&T to get new sims. You don't want to read what I said when they told me that AT&T were on the opposite end of the Ala Moana Centre where I'd just come from. I told you I hate shopping...

The young girl at AT&T was really helpful and had the phones sorted in record time. I loaded Jen's with $20 and mine with $50 to cover calls to work back home in OZ. That way I could leave my iPhone on wifi-only and just use it at free wifi spots for internet. A win for a change. I messaged Jen to find where her and the others were. She was up at Starbucks beside Macy's having coffee. I then had to traverse the centre AGAIN to get to her. I told you I hate shopping...

I took a couple of minutes to rest my barking dogs and then we decided to take the Trolley back to Waikiki. Bad move. Hot in the sun waiting, plus the arrogant and obnoxious organiser of the passenger waiting lines was vague with information on what line we needed to be in (swapped us twice), plus we ended up on the Galleria Express which took us well away from the Waikiki Shore, where most shuttles drop off at. Grrr.

Well, all was no a loss. We made a pit-stop into the ABC store behind Denny's and I grabbed a slab of "Corona-ries" for the fridge and their last bottle of Kona Wailua Wheat beer in the shop. Did I tell you I'd finished my meds? Yes Sir-ee! Going up in the lift to our condo, a sociable old bloke asked me If I'd consider sharing them. "Over my dead body! I've worked like a man possessed for these today" was my smiling reply. He laughed and wished us a good evening. Nice old codger and if I meet him in Shorebirds next door, I'll shout him a drink.

Or friends' condo was ready so they stayed downstairs to book in. They'd booked theirs through Expedia after being scammed on a VRBO listing (another story). I had their luggage in our condo, so we expected them all but immediately, but they took a 2 beer delay to get there. When they arrived, they told us that the originally booked 1 bedroom condo had somehow morphed into a studio room! They'd gone ballistic and the Castle management "found" them a 1 bedroom condo just a floor above us. Good try Castle.

We all said we'd meet later to probably go out for dinner. Jen and I hit the sack for a well-needed snooze. We woke up about 9.30pm, checked the phones and found 2 missed calls. I called the friends and apparently they'd even pounded on our door earlier. They'd then gone to dinner about 6.30, so we decided to just grab a couple of packaged salad meals from the ABC store for dinner. On the way past Denny's, we changed our mind and just ate there and it was only 1/4 full. I had a quesadilla and Jen had a chook caesar. I followed it with a banana sundae. A bloke's gotta' have his fruit, ya' know. Service was really pleasant and the food was great, coming to $25 with tip. The sundae was HUGE! I nearly had to erect scaffolding around the thing to work on it. I asked Jen to share it with me so she ate half of a half of the banana. Thanks. I groaned as I left with this mass of ice cream, whipped cream, banana and choc fudge shoved in my belly but it was worth every bite. It sure beat an ABC store salad.

I still needed to shop for those joggers and strides the following day. That should be a fun day, not. See you all on the other side, they have ahi poke!

DAY 2: Good Morning Viet.. er, Waiiiiiikikiiiii !

I finally released from my coma about 9am. Boy, did we need that sleep. Made the bride a cup of coffee and sliced up our Maui Gold pineapple. The scents of plumeria, coffee and pineapple wafting through the condo whispered "Vacation in Paradise". I opened the curtains and the view through Fort Derussy Park was glorious. People strolling and families playing with the backdrop of the ocean behind them. Ahhh. We just relaxed and waited for Glenn & Narelle to arrive so we could sort out brunch. I was happy with fruit salad here, but I'm sure the others wanted something a bit more special. A great day on the cards.

Shopping success! Footlocker had some comfortable shoes to fit my "ground grippers" at a great price too. I got a new pair of Asics shoe boxes and they fit perfectly. Nah, just fibbin'. The shoes fit great and they kept the box. Also scored some snazzy leather thongs at Margaritaville. They didn't fit my bum so I stuck them on my feet instead. The cashier told me they're called slippahs. I warned him that if I slip on my ahs wearing them, it'll be his ahs in a sling! He apparently didn't take me seriously, gauging from the laughter. I nearly bought a $299 "Automatic Concoction Maker" when I was there, but thought I'd probably do too much damage to myself with one of those.

Harleynut was lookin' slick in his new Margaritaville slippahs, so we slipped into the Surfboard museum for some $5 maitais and a volcano nachos to share between all of us. What a great spot for a casual lunch. Man oh man, that beat working for a living. WORK! Oops, it was the "Maynard G Crebbs" in me trying to get out. I think I like that shopping caper when it ends up at watering holes.

Jen then bolted down to the Royal Grove to meet up with the rest of the Ukestra for a practice and then she did the Uke Festival Zoo gig with the others late that afternoon. Me? The lanai was calling me. Listen carefully and you can hear it too. "Harleeee, Harleeee, come out on the lanai to laze and watch the pretty girls walk past. Harleeee, don't forget the cold Coronas". I like the voices in my head. "They speaka' ma' language, forget the vegemite sandwich". Huh? What was THAT all about? Pfft. I hit the lanai. Ahhh, paradise.

Boy, was I knackered. I called the wife after the Zoo performance and told her to meet me at Food Pantry on Kuhio Ave. I was going to grab a cab out the front, but the traffic jam created by the Godzilla filming put paid to that. By the time I walked to Kalakaua for a cab, I just decided to keep going. I was breaking in my new thongs (oops, slippahs) and I think they did the breaking, not me. I called Jen when I arrived and she asked me where Food pantry was. I said across the road from the Miramar. She was diagonally opposite waving at me, haha!

I left her to grab a coffee out front and I did the grocery shopping. Carton of Corona - check, papaya - check, rockmelon - check, ahi poke - check, ocky poke - check, Anahola granola and milk - check, yoghurt - check, cherries, mmm - check, cheese - check, crackers - che… WHAT THE? How much? Are water cracker legal tender in Hawaii or something? I don't need crackers THAT bad. $6 for a pack, ouch! 'Scuse mah' fingers, just pass the cheese please.

We grabbed a cab out front for the trip back with the spoils of the hunt. $9.50 due to the traffic jams. This Godzilla show'd better be good. Jen's knees were giving her hell, so she grabbed some painkillers and had a rest for 15 mins before we headed out for dinner. I put on my new Hawaiian print polo and lapped up the ooh's and aah's from my dearest audience, then we took off for dinner.

We swam upstream through the crowds on Lewers. I commented about us resembling spawning atlantic salmon on their fight to reproduce. Jen said to forget it, it's not happening, she's too tired. We went past Giovanni Pastramis and it seems that it must be part of the Godzilla set. Madness everywhere. We didn't want to go far, so we opted for Cheeseburgers on Lewers. What a nice meal. We had a round of drinks, some burgers, some ribs, some potstickers and some onion rings. All came to $100 including tips for the four of us and we were all as full as googs. We walked the dinner down by strolling to Macy's so the women could have an evening shop. I had something else in mind for the wife and I, but apparently a walk to the shops and back is much less strenuous. Could'a fooled me.

What's on the cards for tomorrow? Didn't have a clue. The day's itinerary was a clean slate for me . I did hear whispers of Outlet shopping from the other gender. Grrr. I decided I might start out with a morning dip in the big Pacific Pool out front of the condo. Just a splash about, as I couldn't manage a full lap. New Zealand was just a little too far for this old dog.

DAY 3: Hilo Hatties, Harleys and Hops!

What a morning! Had s nice swim out off Greys Beach, the little spot of sand between the Halekulani and the Sheraton. The seas have a reasonable surf swell today, so it's not just a float around when snorkelling, you have to be aware. Not a lot of fish about but I did see a couple of Humuhumunukunukukitchikitchiyayamamayaddayadda fish (or something like that). By the time you name it, the poor thing is halfway through it's lifespan. Trigger fish works for me.

Another glorious day in Waikiki. Had a healthy brekky, chopped some fresh fruit in a bowl, sprinkled on some mixed nuts and splodged a dollop of curdly milk by-product on top. Beeeeutiful. Please no shops today. Okay, the wife's out of the shower. I got ready. Hmmm, How about we... What? Oh, okay… I got dressed and we went down the street. Bugger.

Last night, we were contemplating eating at Giovanni Pastrami and when we got there they had a sign out front saying "Open for Business", but it was an absolute madhouse. There were stage lights and cables everywhere and the shop next door on the Kalakaua side was being vacuum cleaned of a pile of water in it. There were high pressure hoses secured to the front doors, so I expect it was part of the Godzilla movie set. That's why we opted for Cheeseburgers. I asked about a starring role, but they turned me down. They're trying for an MA audience classification and they said with a body like mine they'd be lucky to get an R18+ rating. They indicated that I was somewhere between Johnny Depp and The Rock. Well, actually what they said was I looked like a cross between a wrinkly pirate and an overweight ex-wrestler. Pfft, their loss. I bet it's a flop.

They didn't hide the rum well enough! I came back from Hilo Hatties today with a bottle of Trader Vic's macadamia liqueur. It was sooo good, chilled in the fridge. They do say nuts are good for you. We decided to venture forth to the Harley Honolulu store out on Nimitz. So, we caught the free shuttle to Hilo Hatties (hence the Mac-nut liqueur) and I tried my first dole whip. It won't be my last of those little treats. After a quick scoot through Hilo Hatties we got a cab to the HD store and spent a few $$ on some essential Harleywear. The cabbie asked if we were buying a bike. Told him Jetstar don't have a 350kg carry-on allowance. Said we were just after some leather gear. "For the bike?" he asked and we replied "No, just for the bedroom". He nearly tail-ended the tour bus in front after that thought hit his head!

We spent the evening at the Yardhouse Tavern with a Hawaiian mate called Tom again. Love that bloke, in a brotherly way that is. What a great spot that Yardhouse is. Great food, great drinks and terrific atmosphere. Jenny overdosed on passionfruit beer and eventually passed out on the lounge in or condo. God knows why I sat up typing a report, but hey, I wasn't sleepy yet. After the afternoon booze session, we bid our guests farewell and stumbled down to Shorebirds for dinner. Not wanting to burn a steak in my er, inebriated state, we opted for salad plates at the buffet. I must have liked it because my plate was empty. Jen left a face print in her salad, haha! Poor dear was a write-off. Her knees were giving her a lot of pain after the day's walking so she took some pain killers and then we went for an afternoon session. She ended up cutting timber on the lounge in the condo like a lumberjack! My chances of an amorous interlude were about -15%!t(MISSING)hat night. Oh, for a Godzilla update, good must have prevailed over evil, as there was no film crews to be seen anywhere that night. Lewers Street has been returned to its "normal" state.

DAY 4: Hangovers, Outlet Malls and the Mayor!

Hello world. Shhh, pardon me whilst I type softly. My brain hurt. It hurt a lot. That Macadamia liqueur should come with warning. Oh, I'm told it did. If all else fails, read the warnings. I was surprised that the few beers we had at the Yardhouse would have inflicted such damage, then I remembered the drinkies we had before the tavern. Even the hair in my arms hurt. To rub it in more, Jen woke bright and chirpy. I can't do chirpy, groan...

I'd hoped that we weren't doing much that day, as my body needed a recharge. However I still had to find a pair of trousers for the Mayor's function that evening. The wife laid down the law and my black Harley jeans wouldn't be acceptable to her. She said that she'd been told some were even going in formal attire. I told her that I don't think my legs would look good in a ball gown. Well, I thought it was funny but Jen just gave me "THE LOOK". I decided to just see what the day brings. Thinking back to the Dole whips, next time I think I'll go easy with them. I had the biggest brain freeze from that ice cream. Hilo Hatties' staff thought I was having a fit, haha!

Did I pay for all the drinks last night? Damn I MUST have been drunk! Okay, now I see Tom's M.O. Get the old guy sloshed and his wallet loosens. Nah, just kidding. I had a great time and it was my pleasure. Decided we'd have to get together next week when the 2nd wave (my backup) flies in from Oz. Tom'd like them because they drink harder than me. Should have seen me trying negotiate through the tables for the toilet after Tom left. Nearly scored a free plate of ahi poke off the next table when I tripped. I checked that bottle of Macadamia Liqueur the following morning and I'd really done some serious damage to it the previous afternoon, so I'd found what the culprit was.

When Glenn & Narelle arrived, we decided that we should have a simple brekky, so we fine-dined at the "The House of Dené" (Denny's Diner). Eggs, bacon & snags (oops, links) with no toast. Kept it simple and greasy. Because the alcohol was still oozing from my pores, so I opted for a big ol' bucket of ice water, One mouthful and I think I was drunk again. It wasn't a good feeling.

Some bright sparks (the women) then decided we would all benefit from a trip to the Waikele Outlet Stores. WE grabbed a shuttle that was just about to leave from next to Galleria for $10each, round trip. Obviously I wasn't the only one under the weather as about half the bus was asleep and doing wobble-doll impersonations on our way out there. It took about 1/2 hr or so to get to the outlets and the women were getting excited about it. I kept an open mind and closed eyelids.

When we arrived, the place was like a ghost town. Apparently the place doesn't get hopping until about 11am, so I made the best of it by doing a fast-blast through all the menswear stores looking for a pair of pants. Obviously, the market caters for mainly "skin & bones" blokes, not "meaty & beefy" men like me. We finally found something above 36's in Sak's. Jen told me to try on a pair of 42's, so I hit the change room. I was absolutely shattered. I barely got them over my bum and any thought of doing them up was way out of the question. How did I get THAT big? I'm gonna' have to wear 50's, I thought to myself. I was really depressed as I handed them back to the wife. Then she checked the label and they were actually 34's on the wrong hanger. Whew! They were $160 anyway and I didn't really want to spend that amount on trousers for only one night.

We looked through a few other stores and eventually found some 42's that fitted my "robust" silhouette for the bargain price of $28, plus a black belt for $15. Black socks for $5 and I was done. Cheering. Now to get the hell out of here, where was that bus? Not that fast, Muchacho. The queen had to exercise her hand on the treasury funds, so it was off to visit Coach. I have to ask, just how long should it take someone to look for a handbag? I fell asleep on the "husband chair" much to the amusement of the staff. Hey fella, you giggle once more at me and I'll choke you with your own manbag strap! Besides, don't think you're so special because your designer hairdo looks no better than mine that was designed by my condo pillow. Who'd have thought I'd be fashionable by just crawling out of bed and forgetting to wet the 'locks down?

Jen managed to slip 2 handbags bags and a purse past my snoozing state and then we went over to catch the return shuttle. Everyone wanted to leave on the12.00 shuttle and we were lucky we'd arrived early. I must comment that those buses are really run down. It began to rain halfway through the return journey and the back of the wife's leg was getting wet. Upon inspection I found there was a split in the mudguard that our seat was perched over and the water was spraying in off the rear wheel. Another patron on the shuttle informed us that the water was nothing, as a door had fell of a shuttle the day before, yikes!

We hopped off the shuttle right near the Reef and our friends made a b-line for Starbucks. Jen & I decided that Shorebirds bar would be a better choice, so we split up after arranging to meet later in the afternoon. The wife and I sidled up you the bar for a quick drink. No time like the present to begin the healing process, so we had a $3.50 happy hour maitai each. Also had an ahi sushi roll plate to nibble on, but I wasn't really back on solids yet. Wow, I didn't remember the maitais being THAT strong last year. One each was sufficient and we adjourned to our condo for a nana-nap.

Jen snoozed on the lounge for a few minutes under the a/c, then she took off to the Royal Grove for rehearsals with the Ukestra, as they were to performance that night at the Mayoral Ukelele Festival dinner. Half an hour before their expected arrival time, Glenn, Narelle and I took a cab to the Ala Moana Hotel to get on the "turps" with the Mayor of Honolulu. Hoped he was up to it, as my constitution had kicked back in. Just can't keep an old HOG down. I was set for a fun night. I had my Harley Aloha shirt, my shiny new black duds and some new black/grey joggers on. I drew the line at a pair of leather dress shoes just for a night. Hey, I looked so good, I had to watch out for the Mayor's wife. I'm a married man, you know. Thought I'd better "dress down". Can't have the ladies making spectacles of themselves…

We had a dream run and arrived at the Ala Moana Hotel in 10mins, beating the Ukestra. With some time to kill, the three of us took an express lift to the top floor to check out the ultra-new restaurant at the Ala Moana Hotel. I asked at the restaurant reception if we could have a look around and one of the ladies gave us the guided tour. Wow, very nice. Magnificent views on three sides from a beautifully finished restaurant. It's a long U-shape, wrapping around the top of the hotel. A bar in the centre of the long room gave spectacular views to Diamond Head. The end rooms have extensive views of the ocean and the hinterland. They have a half-price bar food happy hour from 4.30 to 6.30, which makes it very affordable. Wouldn't mind visiting the place for dinner one night to treat the bride. Unfortunately, we didn't have time on this trip.

Jen and the Ukestra arrived just as we got back out of the lift and I couldn't help but notice that Glenn and I were looking somewhat overdressed. Now, here's the crunch. By now you'd realise I don't have a hunger for shopping, but I was told that the dinner was "smart casual" by Jen. Her interpretation of that was "You'd better buy some good trousers". I'd searched for 2 days fro those bloody trousers and when everyone turned up, 80%!o(MISSING)f the men had cargo shorts and aloha shirts on. That's how I dress in Hawaii. Was I annoyed? You better believe it. Grrr…

The dinner itself was a good night out. Food was simple buffet-style, the drink prices were reasonable and the entertainment was good, but it was really a function for dedicated ukelele enthusiasts. Although I'm very supportive of Jenny and her interests, a full night of different groups playing ukekele music did weary me. There was a "silent auction" for numerous items and after a bit of my pushing, Jenny put bid on a nice ukelele and won it for $100, which was a bargain for a $350 uke. That put a huge grin on her face! Their Ukestra performance also went very well, with their group performing two songs. You could see that they were all up there having a bundle of fun, which is what it's all about. The evening finished with the four of us enjoying a Macadamia Liqueur nightcap back in our condo (I'm not a fast learner), enjoying some good conversation amongst good friends. Truth be known, three had liqueur and I needed a recharge with a can of Pepsi Max. I just had to give the body a little rest for the night.




DAY 5: A "Carefree In Hawaii" Day !

The weather was outstanding again, with afternoon predictions of euphoric! What a beautiful view to open your eyes to. I'd left the bedroom lanai door open, so when I woke I could lay in bed and just suck in the view over Fort Derussy Park. Better than morning glory, well almost…

We hopped out of bed, then showered and waited for Glenn & Narelle to drop by and we all walked the sandy trail to Duke's for breakfast. What a great spot sitting there watching the beach, enjoying a tasty brekky. Interesting how we were originally given a table way up inside the rear of the restaurant, with no view and heaps of noise. I pointed to a few tables out front and the waitress disappeared for 10 mins to "check for us". We waited on seats in the walkway and were then led to a table outside in a great position. Strange. The inside area was overcrowded, but there were several tables in the nicer position that were unused during our time there. There were plenty of food choices at the buffet to satisfy most people. I'd been a good boy all week, with just fruit and yoghurt, so I broke out on some cheesy scrambled eggs, bacon, links, bacon, hash browns, bacon, etc. I was full as a goog! The server also loaded me with enough coffee to keep me awake for 3 days. Most everything on the buffet was delicious, but I just couldn't get my head around their "eggs benny". The eggs had a very bitter taste so strong that I actually slid it back out of my mouth and the muffins they were on was a hard as child's teething rusks. Avoid them. Gak. I resisted the temptation of a vodka "hangover helper", I was being a good boy for the morning.

A couple of our friends were arriving from Oz at 11am, so we decided to kill time with a stroll through the International Marketplace and associated area. Although not a wonderful place to shop, It was an iconic part of Waikiki and has since been demolished for redevelopment with high-end stores. Bit of a pity. I left the ladies to shop in Macys and rode the elevator to heaven (apologies to Led Zeppelin). Well, the "Surfboard Museum", that is. I checked out the vintage board collection (again) and of course it's bad manners not to have a chilled beverage (again) whilst doing so. Have to keep Jimmy Buffett in arthritis pills, you know. I'm such a caring guy, always thinking of others. Jen, Narelle & Glenn finally found me and decided to have a round of frozen margies with me, so I had to join then for another. The day was beginning to sound familiar.

Thankfully, our friends arrived by about 12 noon. We saw them from our perch in the bar as they headed for the hotel reception. Bit of a chuckle that, as he called my mobile on the reception desk's phone and asked me where I was. "Right behind you", was my answer as I looked over his shoulder and they broke up laughing, turning around. So, they stashed their bags and we introduced them to the "Surfboards". Before the day turned bar crazy, I suggested we stroll across the road to view the beach. They were dressed in warm jeans, boots, shirts, etc as it had been cold when departing Australia. I suggested to them to ditch the winter clothes and join us in a few minutes. They said "later", so I said "Hey it's your cremation".

I decided to go straight for the WOW factor, so we took them across the road and strolled through Outrigger Waikiki and into Dukes bar. Although they were impressed with the Island decor and "feel" of the place, I told them not to stop and keep going through to the front (I had a secret agenda). Then the "penny dropped". It's a huge assault on the optic nerves. "Wayne and Chrissy, welcome to Waikiki", I announced, followed by the sound of their lower jaws slapping their chests! Of all the places around here, I have to say that this spot really is "Da Bomb". They were almost speechless, apart from "oh wows" and giggles. Even the fact that they were now broiling in thick clothes didn't detract from their experience. We strolled along the sand, then into the Moana Surfrider Pool Bar area to check out the view from there, under shade. We then shortcut through the hotel and walked them down to see The Duke Kahanamoku Statue. Hey, you've gotta' say g'day to "The Big Fella" when you're on his turf.

Next it was a quick visit to their first ABC store and a swift blast back though the IMP to find a hat for baldy's baking scone. We decided that a bit to eat would be good and ended up at the Yardhouse for of pupus. "For WHAT?", was the query from the guests. An ahi poke' stack, plus oniononion rings and sweet potato chips kept the dogs at bay for a while. The "We don't eat raw fish" was irrelevant after their first taste of poke'. It was followed by "That's not bad!". Another convert.

We them took them down to see our "digs" at the Waikiki Shore and let them relax for a while. "Here, try this Macadamia Liqueur" and my work was done. A short while later, we bid them farewell to go find their room at the Beachcomber and have a snooze.

All of us met up later for dinner a "The House of Jim". I'd reserved a nice table for 6 at Jimmy Buffett's earlier. We all had a couple of drinks and a nice meal. The newbies were learning that the locals don't skimp on booze in the mixed drinks, haha! After dinner, everyone decided to walk off the meal. Jen and Narelle decided that the REALLY needed to check out Victoria's secret. Is blokes tagged along, but soon lost interest in there when we found there were no live models. Jen finally admitted that she might find something there she could wear, but wearing it would probably result in severe pain to the tender bits, with at least a good "tooshie flossing". "Victoria's Secret remains a secret", she announced.

It began to rain heavy, so we adjourned to the Harley store in the Royal Hawaiian shops to check out the clothing again. Nope, still the same but at least we were dry. After a bit of a dawdle around, we all decided to call it quits, said our goodbyes and went back to our rooms. I checked out DHCR for a deal on a minivan for Monday to tour the island, but no good. None available. Bugger, I should have worked that out in advance. Looks like we're in a couple of cars or bikes. We'll see what pans out.



DAY 6: Ukelele Festival in Kapiolani Park and Kanakapila Grill !

6am and the day broke on a No Pants Sunday! I decided to live in boardies for the day for a change. It was a little bit overcast, but still nice and warm. I would have liked to catch the person who woke me up at 4am smoking on their lanai. This is a no smoking property. I you want to smoke, walk out front to the street. Just because I had the lanai door open for an evening breeze, it wasn't a signal to stink out my room. Grrr Mickey's hands were pointing to 7.30am and Jen's had risen, telling me she didn't get to sleep until 3am and felt like she'd been run over by a truck. Told her she'd better climb right back on that truck because she had to be in Kapiolani Park by 9.15, for rehearsals. It was to be a big day down there and it looked like it was going to be hot as well. The early morning cloud cover has now burnt off and the sun was beaming away.

I hopped out of bed and made some fruit 'n yoghurt for our brekky, to prepare her for the day ahead. I donned the swim togs for a dip down near the park between performances. Never had a swim down there, so I hoped the beach was nice. Another day, another margarita…

A fair comment from Jen as we made our way past Duke's breakfast tables. People walking past will see the empty tables and think "Hey, that looks like a nice spot and there's tables out front". Then they're hooked, reeled in by the anticipation, then thrown in the hold with the rest of the catch, to the tables at the back. Hmm. Now I felt like a tuna, Thought about having Ahi Poke' for lunch.

We arrived well on time in the park and there was already a huge crowd forming, so I decided to grab the camera gear and secure a spot to capture shots of the Ukestra's performance. I positioned myself to use the new gazillion dollar DSLR on video mode and the rotten bugger refused to record. I had to scamper back to where the others were and grab the iphone. Oh well, the best laid plans of mice and men... Steinbeck, pfft. I think the camera problem was more "operator error". A confusing new fangled thingamajig! I ended up missing the first verse of "Price Tag", but Jen wan't worried, she had a great time and the group very was well-received by the crowd. Some big lanky bloke ended up in the middle of the recording with a huge grin, waving and yelling "Hey Tony!". Haha! Tom was "In Da' House!". Introduced his lovely lady-friend and then disappeared as fast as he'd hit. I had visions of a big white cowboy hat and a silver bullet in my hand. Whoops, wrong script. He said "Call me", but then I bet he says that to all the ladies as well. Just kidding. They'd come down to watch Jen on stage and cruise the festival.

Wow, was that place busy! We decided to disappear across the park over to the beach as the Ukestra wasn't due to perform again until mid-afternoon. Some of us had a quick dip, not bad there. Then we made our way back for a bite to eat and a nice relax under the big monkey pod tree near the food area stage tent. Although there were heaps of food offerings going, I opted for the short line, getting orange chicken and garlic prawns with chow mien from the Panda Express booth. Gotta' say that it was surprisingly good tucker.

The Newcastle Ukestra then did 4x songs in their set at the tent stage near the food stalls. The original 3x they did on the main stage and then they threw in "Middle" for good measure. The crowd loved them. Everyone then bid their farewells and took off in all directions. Some were staying for a few days and others were leaving on flights the following morning.

We were glowing like lobsters so we made our way up Kalakaua to get some relief from the sun. We stopped at the Harley store near the Marriott and booked 3x Harleys for Tuesday. I tried DHCR for some cars, any cars and they checked up until Wednesday and couldn't find one thing available from the airport or Waikiki. They apologies sincerely to us and were embarrassed about it, but hey, its peak season and we didn't pre-book. I'd left it to the last minute because I was unsure what the other couples wanted to do. My fault, but we got a Road Glide, a Heritage and a Fat Boy to tour the island. A great consolation prize! We were to be picked up the afternoon before for leaving EARLY on a Circle Island Ride, hoping to beat some of the sun. Just meant that I wouldn't be able to annoy them with my own brand of witty commentary during the circle-island tour. I thought "I hope I remember the way around the place,," as I'd taken the wrong turn TWICE and ended up at the Marine base. The guards are nice blokes, but I bet they're sick of seeing my ugly mug at the gate, haha!

After we booked the bikes, we all made a b-line for Dukes bar with thoughts of Hula Pie in our heads. The place was packed to the rafters and there was no chance of a table before my next birthday. We quickly reformed for an assault on the Surfboard Museum again. Margaritas, maitais and beers flowed copiously for a while there. Glenn and Narelle gave up first and retired for a nap. Hoped they behaved themselves! Chrissy, Wayne, Jen and I campaigned on for a while until we saw the time and then parted with plans to meet for dinner later tonight. It was a hard job, but we were up to it. We checked out Giovanni Pastramis on the way back, but eventually decided on the Kanakapila Grill Bar at the rear of the Outrigger Reef for dinner. Should be good. Never saw Tom again, but with a pretty lady like that I can understand why.

I just had time for a quick shower and change of clothes for dinner. I wondered what Harley shirt I'd wear to dinner tonight? Decisions, decisions. Jen was cutting lumber on the lounge, so I'll let her sleep unto the last minute. She'd had a BIG day and I was so proud of her!

Dinner at the Outrigger Kanakapila Grill next door was great as always. The daytime photo doesn't do it justice. It's so nice sitting out there under the stars listening to great local artists plating Hawaiian music, enjoying a nice meal and sipping a good beverage. It just didn't last long enough for my liking. However, Jen wanted to go into the Shorebirds Bar and do some karaoke. Put her name down, but unfortunately the locals bogart it and after about 90mins and no sign of her getting a turn, we called it a night. Still had a good time tough. Hilarious watching some of the drunks that could barely stand trying to sing.



DAY 7: Walmart Wonders, Ala Moana Shops, Harley Hire & Giovanni's !

Well, it was off for some interesting shopping at Walmart, dressed appropriately. A coconut bra, purple hibiscus boardies pulled down so the waistband is just above the knees and white fluffy ugg boots. Hey, I had to blend in with the patrons, as I'd been studying Walmart etiquette on Youtube. Just kidding, I was in my uniform, Sunnies, Hawaii wife-beater, shorts and slippahs. We bought some American-style confectionary for the sons (well, that's my story), a carton lot of Caramacs and some various single-serve freezer cocktails to try. With Walmart out of the way, we headed for the Ala Moana Centre. On the way there we saw a local fire engine with a surfboard strapped on the side. Interesting sight, don't see that back home.

I spent about 8 long minutes shopping, then Wayne and I hit the Maitai bar for a cooling beverage. I can nearly ride those Longboard lagers by now. A surf lesson inside every pint glass. After two, we decided we'd better find the women, so the search started. First mistake was, we had all the phones - oops. We began doing full floor sweeps of Macys. Top to basement and then back to the top, back through the Maitai Bar, back down through the whole centre. Wayne and I met back at the food court entrance to discuss strategy. Glenn & Narelle had already gone back to their condo at The Shore. We had the bike pickup booked for 4pm and time was quickly running out, so I decided to do one more quick sweep whilst Wayne waited at the food court. Never guess where I found them. They had big gulps of their icy maitais, screamed with brain-freeze and we took off for the shuttle stop out front.

We left the women at the condos and us three men arrived at the HD shop right on 4pm. Whew. All the paperwork took ages to fill out but we eventually took delivery of the bikes. Wayne pointed out that my rear tyre was flat before I mounted up. The HD shop guy was busy reciting the operating instructions for the same bikes we already own, but had his job to do. I interrupted him and asked what should I do If I get a flat tyre. "Just call me" he said. "I'm calling you" I replied. He went back to his operating instructions to the third rider for the third time. "I said I'm calling you" I stated louder this time. It still didn't register. "Hey, my tyre is flat. Where do we inflate it?' I asked again. "We don't have tyre air here, you'll have to go to the station just up the road. It's around the back, near the canal." was his reply. Great friendly service from "The Company".

I mounted up, started the bike and began moving off. The tyre was so flat that it SEVERELY affected the handling even getting out of the carpark, so much so that I barely made it into the gas station forecourt without dumping the bike. Then another little surprise. I had to pay a DOLLAR for air to pump up their tyre! Harleynut was not a happy customer. I guess a dollar is no big deal, but as I'm entering the gas station shop, a bunch of about 6-7 kids charge in front of me and then took ages to buy confectionary and drinks. The ride back to the condo was fine, but tyre air doesn't just get consumed on a ride. I was half-expecting a flat tyre in the morning at 6am when we were expecting to leave for the day's ride. If that tyre was flat, I would have been ripping someone a new one for sure! Okay, calm down and relax. Breathe in, breathe out. Wipe on, wipe off. I thought I might have to order a Mr Miyagi Burger for dinner that night. If you saw a biker-lookin' bloke standing on the trash bin out the front of The Shore on one leg with his arms out, it was me waiting for the HD service van…

Glenn, Narelle, Jen and I went to Giovanni Pastrami's for dinner. The girls had personal pizzas, Glenn had a burger and I had a Kalua Pork Reuben. Oh, Ohh, Ohhh! Where has this "reuben" stuff been all my life? Wow! Tasty pulled pork, yum sauerkraut, some kind of dressing and then cheese all melted in a toasted sandwich about 3" high. Plus a pickle, hey don't forget the pickle. I love pickles too. I ordered onion rings on the side as well and they were lightly battered, not crappy crumbed ones. Heavenly! All of it washed down with a diet coke, as I could hear my arteries gently weeping when I had my first bite of the "reuben".

I never actually considered Giovanni's as a serious dinner contender until that night. We'd eaten a boring pizza there a few years back in 2010. Well, the pizzas that the girls had this time were fantastic. Cooked perfectly, full of toppings and such amazing aroma. Glenn had a southern-style burger and although it was good, the spicy BBQ sauce had him a bit tricked. He's not a spicy/chilli enthusiast, our Glenn. He said I'd like it because I enjoy chilli, but I wasn't parting with my reuben! The only problem with the meals was that we couldn't finish any of them! The serves were very generous. Jen brought half of her personal-size pizza home, with half my onion rings!

The other crew (Wayne and Chrissy) went to the Island Diner at Kings Court for dinner and apparently enjoyed it too. It's a great 50's diner experience for those interested.

Well, it was a big day and I was feeling every one of my 78 years, except that I'm just a 58yo baby. Had a couple head-spins in the heat today, so I'm off the grog allowance tonight. What's a pirate to do?. Might just retire to the hammock down in the hold. Hmm. Bad thought there, I get seasick. I'd never make a good pirate, unless the ship never left the dock, that is.





DAY 8: Harley Ride and Hard Rock !

It was Circle Island Day - on bikes. We were on the road about 8am with a sky full of rain clouds for company, just our luck.

Diamond Head was our first port o' call for a photo op out front at the scenic lookout and then a ride through the tunnel.

Next, we checked out the blowhole and the little beach nearby that starred in "From Here To Eternity" fame. If you have to ask, you're too young. Think of "Burt Lancaster". I let a few Asian tourists sit on the Harley and get their photos taken. It made their day and I wasn't worried, it's only a renter. What a beautiful bit of road up along there, it is. Always enjoy it. The sky looked sinister, but we'd only copped a bit of a sprinkle so far, which was really much more pleasant than being baked under the sun.

We had a great ride along the coast up to Kaneohe, where we stopped for a coffee and stretch. The rain dumped down whilst we were in Starbucks and stopped when we hit the road again. Something strange was happening here, we can't be that lucky. Wayne and I looked towards the mountains in the vicinity of the Valley of Temples. and I commented that we'll drown over there. "Do we REALLY need to see temples?" he asked. Based on that, we just continued north along the coast. That decision was to be regretted later.

The road was very wet in places, indicating that we'd just been missing the heavy rain. WooHoo! The scenery was spectacular as always and we soon pulled into the Tropical Fruit Farm for a look around and a stretch. I love their mac nut coffee and their flavoured nut samples. Whilst waiting for the girls to finish shopping, I sidled out the back and had a go at cracking a macadamia nut open with a rock on a stump they have there. Not as easy as it sounds. I must have belted it 10 times before I had success, I'd starve as a nutcracker. A few happy snaps of the surroundings and we were away again.

We found the rain this time, but it was only light. Refreshing actually. It seemed no time at all before we encountered Fumi's shrimp shop and I skidded in to a stop. It was straight to the menu signs and we chose our snacks. Fumi's harvest their shrimp fresh from their ponds behind the shop. Super fresh. We planned that one well, because the moment we got in line a tour bus pulled up and the line was 20 long! Glenn & Narelle had coconut shrimp, Wayne had firecracker chilli shrimp, Jen and I had ginger shrimp. All of it was cooked to perfection and very tasty. We had a chat about the bikes with a nice couple from Midlands Britain and then we were away again.

The rain had cleared and the sun was very hot, but the riding was still terrific. We didn't stop at Sunset Beach, as the place was really crowded. We just cruised along at10mph to soak in the view as there was nobody following us. Waimea Bay looked beautiful as ever and there was a big crowd lining up to jump off the rock. We stopped for a minute on the side of the road above the rock and Chrissy climbed onto the armco fence to get a photo of the jumpers over the tall grasses.

As we approached Turtle beach, we again slowed down, idling along the verge. If we saw evidence of turtles, I was ready to stop, but Turtle Beach was turtle-less that day. Pity. We then approached the turn-off to Haleiwa Town as it began to sprinkle. The closer we got, the harder the rain fell. By the time we stopped at the car park beside Aioki's Shave Ice, it was bucketing down hard and we were drenched. Taking refuge under the front awning, I gave everyone a quick run-down on what was to offer at Aioki's Shave Ice establishment. Pity it was closing the old shop that month. Another slice of nostalgia gone forever. We all grabbed some shave ice selections and enjoyed them under shelter as the rain continued to dump down. Glenn and I purchased Aioki's t-shirts to remember the place as it was.

The rain slowed to a light drizzle, so we pushed on to the other side of Haleiwa, to the music store. Jen was on a mission to check out anew bass ukelele. We'll you wouldn't believe it. A woman that was leaving as we arrived had bought the last bass uke that they had in stock. The ukelele festival crowds had cleaned them out! Jen was disappointed and made comment to me about the woman's breeding activity and parents' marital status, haha! She was VERY disappointed.

Wayne came up to me and mentioned that our decision to bypass the temple was a bad move on our part. Chrissy had been very keen to see the Byodo-Inn Temple. So, I returned to the music store and asked about directions for the quickest route to the Valley Of The Temples. The guy in the shop had no idea, so I decided to find it myself. Bad move. I had some idea where it was, so we set out. I had a fair idea that we needed to head in the direction of Honolulu. We rode past the pineapple fields and the Dole Plantation shop which was flooding wet, because the rain was flogging down on us. They were BIG drops and they hurt! Hey, I can be a sook if I want to.

At some point in the journey, I made the executive decision that we needed to get off that road and continue on another. After about 5 miles, I pulled into a gas station and asked directions. Another local that had no idea where Vally Of The Temples was, but she asked a co-worker and she put us in the right direction. We had to retrace our journey somewhat, but her directions were spot-on. We reached the temple and there was no rain - bonus! The Byodo-Inn Temple was worth the hassle. It's such a beautiful place.

We had to go back into Kaneohe for fuel and we then took off for Waikiki. The afternoon sun was now scorching us as we made the run for home. The traffic was heavy as we reached the Waikiki area and every traffic stop felt like an eternity. We were all weary and hot from the day's adventure.

Finally, we arrived at the bike shop at Waikiki and parked the bikes in their garage spot. The attendant was rather arrogant and "chipped" us about not parking them rear-in and in the area to the side to make his job easier. Are you kidding me? I mentioned that we only parked them how and where we did because that was what another guy had done yesterday and nobody commented. He decided to play the smart bike-shop guy and gave another mouthful. Bad move, he shouldn't have started. I was ready to ignore the flat tyre hassles of the previous day until then. I guess I was over-tired but I wasn't going to take any of this blokes c**p. I erupted. The others quietly departed, as I gave him a verbal. They know to do that. I joined them shortly after and they commented that he shouldn't have started it. I just nodded and replied, "I just had a simple discussion with him, outlining a few facts". We then left for a cold beverage. The incident finished.

On the way to the "Surfboard Museum", Jenny checked out the ukelele shop at the Moana Surfrider, but they didn't have what she was after. She was rather disappointed. We then sidled into the bar for a coldie and a relax. Ahhh. We left after arranging to have dinner at Hard Rock Cafe' later. Jen checked out a couple more uke shops on the way back to The Shore and I made reservations for dinner. Back at The Shore, I had a quick shower and surveyed the body damage for the day. I had a neck, face and arms as red as a beetroot. My face had the full "bandicoot" thing happening, with a white sunnies mask, haha! Jenny wasn't much better, either.

Wh all strolled up to the Hard Rock Cafe about 8pm and enjoyed a good dinner. If you get there, try the "Blue Burger". Great burger with crumbled blue cheese on the meat, delicious. Not cheap, but not a fortune either. The bill also included 4x souvenir glasses, so it really wasn't all that dear. Wayne is a Led Zeppelin enthusiast, so they played a couple of Zep tracks for him during requests time. Good stuff. We all felt weary by 9.30 so we decided on an early night to another great day.

The following day the girls had plans to go off to the outlet shops again. Me? I think I deserve a relaxing day doing nothing much at all and I think I know just the spot. A sleep-in and a nice dip in the Pacific Pool before the sun gets angry sounded just the big G-O for me tomorrow. I thought I'd follow that with a chilled Corona on the lanai. It's a hard job…

On reflection, we must have looked like a cartoon that day. The type where the characters travel along and there's a rain cloud directly above each one. Even though we got damp, we all had a great time. I would have loved to do another run up north before we went, but we only had two days left.

DAY 9 : Fort Derussy Museum and How To Upset The Wife…

Morning broke on another great day. The birds were singing and the a/c was buzzing.

Jen really wanted a bass ukelele, so I expected that we'd be spending the following day in music shops as she tried them out. I spent a bit of time on some the groundwork for her beforehand and had narrowed it down to Good Guys Music in Kapahula Ave, Easy Music Centre in South King St and Harry's Music in Waiaiae Ave. Good Guys and Harry's were reasonably close and either side of Leonards Bakery, so I could see a Leonards malasadas "fix" happening. The other was a block behind Walmart. I pondered grabbing a couple of mopeds in the next morning and scooting around to them.

After the uke groundwork, I had an interesting morning exploring the Fort Derussy museum. Great blokes manning the reception and very helpful. The displays and stories told are very interesting. I recommend it to anyone that enjoys history. When I came out (out the front, please) Glenn was nowhere to be seen, so I just strolled to the Steak Shack under The Shore and ordered a small meal.

The cook turned around and said "Hey, you've been here before in the condo above us. Was it last year?" I replied, "I sure was, how'd you remember me?" He said "We still laugh about when you lowered the basket on the leg rope from the lanai with your order in the basket. Welcome back!" and we shook hands. Nice to know nice people and the meal was great, as always. $6.75 for plenty of tasty steak, done teriyaki-style on a bed of rice, plus chopped salad with a choice of dressings. I finished the steak and salad, but could only manage one spoonful of the rice. I was full as a goog one more.

My dining companion was resplendent in her new feather boa, but her beady eyes, long beak and spindly feet did nothing for me. We were getting on okay until she waddled along the rail and plonked onto the table to try my meal. If it was Chinatown in Sydney, there's pigeon on the menu at some places. Jen once commented that maybe if you order pigeon, you go to the windowsill and pick out one, much like a lobster tank. The funny bit was that when I looked at the dove, she looked at me, When I looked at the meal, she looked at the meal. This went on 3-4 times until I put my hand in front of her face and she didn't flinch, so I flicked her on the beak and she waddled down to the next table on the rail. Her arrival was met with squeals and shrieks from the little asian kids, wherein the pigeon dive-bombed their lunch and scarpered. I tried to contain my laughter, but it was too much!

Glenn found me later and we adjourned up to my lanai along with Wayne for a cold Corona or two.

Felt kinda' bombed out, so I put my head down for a few minutes. The women arrived back from shopping after 6pm. I'd been told to call uke shops to find who had a bass uke and I did. Because I wasn't forthcoming with the said information at the snap of fingers, tempers rose. Hmmm. Then I found I'd transgressed to unwritten law and eaten a good portion of her bag of rolo chocolates. I was in the bad books, so I left to cool off and buy rolo replacements. None at the ABC store, so it was off to Food Pantry. No! All the bags were sold. I bought her a handful of packets and also a bag of beef jerky, because I'd eaten some of that too. I topped up the order with a packet of ahi poke' that she likes.

Took me about an hour or so. When I returned at about 7.40, the place was in darkness and there was a note saying she'd gone to the magic show with a couple of the others, waiting until 7.10 before departing. As the show would have started and it was about a15mins walk, I decided to stay. Jen arrived back about 9pm, slamming doors and quite unhappy. She'd paid for tickets in my absence and blown $110. My fault. I decided a walk to the marina along the beach was the best thing for me or I'd escalate the fireworks in the condo. I returned after an hour then sat on the lanai, eventually dozing off around 11pm, I suppose. Woke later all cramped up and stumbled to bed.




DAY 10: Ukelele Hunting, Tequila Rifle and Cheesecake Factory !

Had a sleep-in and wasn't real keen for anything or anyone. I got a message from Wayne & Chrissy asking what the tour director has planned today. Not much at all…

I just took Jen snorkelling out front. I told her to wear all her gold bracelets and necklaces, but she didn't fall for it. That woman is so buoyant!

We decided to go to the Easy Music Centre store behind Walmart. It was an excellent choice as they had a great range of stock and were very helpful. The new bass ukelele was secured in record time. We walked down to the Ala Moana Shopping Centre and caught a trolley to go back. Just over the canal, we decided to hop off and investigate this area. We stopped at Posh liquor to check it out and eventually bought the son a glass rifle full of Carbine Tequila. We just had to find out how to get it on the plane! Two steps out of the shop I tripped over and did a commando roll. The tequila came out okay, but I lost some bark and it shook me up a bit. We adjourned to Magakoro sushi just near Kobe Steakhouse. A great lunch and good value.

We walked back to The Shore, which on hindsight was a poor choice. My health was deteriorating. I had a few headspins and angina pains along the way, not good. That night we all decided to eat at the Cheesecake Factory. Oh boy, a big bellies night. Hey, we come from the land down under and aren't used to these serving sizes. Not one of us had a "mains", but we were all more than satisfied. Narelle's meal was that huge, I reckon it needed it's own zip code. I had the "Buffalo Blast" which is parcels of chicken & cheese deep fried, accompanied with blue cheese dip and a jalapeño sauce dip. About $12, very tasty and I couldn't finish it in a fit. This time, I did leave room for cake. I'd been to the Cheesecake Factory three times before on previous Hawaiian vacations and never had cake. I had a Key Lime cheesecake and it was an orgasm in every spoonful, ohhh yeaaaah!

When we'd finished our meals, the girls all bolted to the Ross Dress For Less shop in Waikiki for a final session of retail group therapy before we departed in the morning. They'd shop 'til dawn if the shops would stay open. That'll be the thing I won't miss that much, but the wife gets off on it and you know what they say, "A happy wife, a happy life".

The dominant gender team (oh, I know I'm gonna' cop it for that) walked back The Shore, where we enjoyed final drinks to clear the fridge of remaining beverages, then Glenn and I bid our farewells to Wayne. He and Chrissy were staying until the 30th, the lucky buggers. Glenn went up to his condo to relax and I spent the evening trying to shove a huge glass rifle full of tequila, two bottles of Agavero tequila, a big carton of caramacs, 2 pair of new shoes and all the rest of my stuff into one suitcase and a carry-on. Oops, forgot to mention the two ukeleles as well. That was interesting.

Then it was out the door to a cab at 5.30am the following morning, for a very sad drive to Honolulu airport. We arrive at Sydney airport around 4pm, grabbed our car and then drove another 2 hours to our home. Jen then has to change, drive 2 klms to the local surf club to sing, play ukelele and saxophone with the band for a University social function. Welcome home. Me? I started a liquids diet the next day (non alcoholic) in preparation for the following week's medical procedure. I hoped he warms that camera. Then the day after, I was back at the doc's for a discussion about a zipper job. Oh well, the party was fun while it lasted. Luckily, I got out of it lightly, only needing three stents in the chest.

I bid a fond farewell to Hawaii for what I hoped was only a brief stay at home.

Aloha and Maholo!

Hey, I'm not finished yet!

The cab to Honolulu Airport was late, so I had to call and remind them. They sent a Toy Yoda (well, the driver looked like him) min-van to pick us up. Glenn and I were jammed in the back like vacuum packed chickens and I'm sure I heard the rear tyres cry. We had 2 ukes and a huge suitcase on our laps. There were another two huge suitcases jammed on the back door behind us and Jen was in the middle seat, nursing another four suitcases. All I could see of her was her new Harley ladies fedora hat peeking above a suitcase. Narelle got the front seat with a backpack.

The driver was all over the place like a seagull at a chip-fest. Who needs to indicate? We counted seven lane swaps without blinkers. I gave the guy a tip at the airport in appreciation of letting me live! We then joined the sleepy line of unhappy people dragging their feet to check-in. My druggie phone rang and it was the taxi company ringing to apologise for being late this morning. Could have knocked me over with a feather. As an added bonus, we were within the check-in baggage weight allowance. Lucky she didn't weigh our carry-on.

We had a light bite to eat at the food hall. Jen had spam, bacon and omelette. I had pork patties, bacon & omelette. Edible, but uninteresting. Bought a couple of sangers to go at another shop at the airport because we forgot to visit the ABC store the night before. The plane was a few minutes late boarding but we took off close to schedule. We had exit row seats again. Gotta' love that legroom.

The flight was very smooth and uneventful. I do wonder though about the food choices that Jetstar offers on flights. We had our own food, but what genius put chicken curry and beef bourguignon on a flight menu? Was it just someone's wicked sense of humour? The doors to the dunnys opened and closed more times than the cash registers at Duke's Bar. There were no odour problems, thankfully. I was waiting for it as we were adjacent to them.

We touched down at Sydney airport about 3.30pm and cleared customs by 410. We declared wood (ukes), meat (jerky), foodstuffs (caramacs) and alcohol (a 24" glass rifle of tequila). They were happy with our declaration and waved us through without any further inspection. Always pay to do the right thing and declare if you're unsure. I'm just glad they didn't check the boogie board cover, hehe! We then grabbed my car, loaded it up and we were off for home.

Feeling weary (well, that's my excuse) , I took the wrong lane coming off the Sydney Harbour bridge which sent us on a detour through Crows Nest before rejoining the highway. Jen was getting edgy as she had the performance at the Surf Club that night. Traffic was unusually heavy and slowed our progress. Before we hit the expressway I had to stop for fuel and realising that we wouldn't get a chance to have dinner, we grabbed a couple of sandwiches to eat during the drive home. The realisation hit be that I was on a 48 hour diet as of midnight in preparation for Monday's periscope and this was "the last supper". Sandwiches? I was hoping for a nice steak or a feed of prawns. Mmmm, egg 'n lettuce on white bread from a servo. Bugger…

I had to step it up a bit on the expressway as time was getting away and we still had about 130km to go. Again, traffic was heavy and in my weary state I missed our exit for the eastern side of Lake Macquarie. Jen was not impressed at all and I had to really step on the pedal, as the next convenient exit for us was about half an hour away. Luckily traffic was thinning so I did some low flying, with one eye on the mirror, half expecting to lose the license.

We finally pulled up our driveway as about 7.30pm. Jen was about an hour late and had phoned the others. Another of the band members was sick, so they were anxious for her to get there. I unloaded the luggage with the help of Glenn, then chucked all her music gear in the car. Saxophone, guitar and ukeleles all loaded, Jen appeared all washed, changed and ready in record time. She said her farewells to Glenn & Narelle as they were loading their luggage in their car and then sped away. Lucky for her the gig was only about five minutes away. I also thanked our travelling companions for joining us again for a wonderful holiday and they took off for home. They still had another 30klm to go.

All through this madness of arrival, our two wonderful grandogs, had been vying for attention. With everyone gone, I finally had time to relay and enjoy a huge bundle of snorts, snuffles, licks and hugs from that pair. What a welcome! As I adjourned to the computer to write some of this, both were curled up on the carpet under me, each laying on one of my feet and looking very happy. "C'mon kids, we're going to bed. You two can have mum's side until she gets home." and I bet you a boatload of maitais that they spend the night sleeping on top of Jen.

Did we think of another Hawaiian vacation? Yes, but weren't sure how far in the future. I'd love to visit Kauai for a few days next time and I do miss Maui, but time was not on our side this trip. Oh, to win lotto!

Hmmm, after taking the pre-procedure drink, I've just thought of the ultimate practical joke. A satchel of Moviprep powder dissolved into a drinking water container on the flight to Oz from Hawaii. It'd really demonstrate how the passengers feel about going home. They must make that stuff from papaya concentrate and it's got nothing to do with the flavour, if you get my drift.

The new u-bass uke went well in Jen's first performance back home, with the band's bass player so amazed that he wants one so bad! He couldn't believe the great sound out of the little package. Said it was better than his full-size bass. Jen's a happy as a pig in Moviprep results.

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