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Published: June 17th 2008
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Friday 13th June Friday 13th. The due pick up date was ominous and more than enough to make any suspicious mind re-schedule the appointment but today was the day I was finally going to pick up my new pride and joy, my shining silver leased Jeep Liberty. My selection choices were open to almost any vehicle from the ranges of a long list of auto manufacturer's but rather than opt for saloon or sportster I chose big. I'd always wanted an SUV, as much in a bid to slow down my driving as anything else but prices back home proved way too high so after a couple of trips to the Chester Jeep garage and with the ink still drying on a quote of 350 dollars a month I took the plunge. F & G had put me in touch with International Autos, a company that specialises in leasing vehicles to expats at trade prices and despite Lauren's lethargic manner back in Houston and the fact that I eventually up ended by-passing her and arranging delivery with the dealers myself the day had finally arrived.
For the past twelve days I'd rented the Nissan Suntra and after dropping it
Talkin' 'Bout My Wheels of Steel.
With Lou as the deal is clinched (Finally). at Long Beach Airport headed accompanied by Rainer to the West Covina dealership twenty miles or so inland. I was excited and as we pulled into the huge forecourt I scanned the hundreds of vehicles for mine. The various Chrysler, Jeep and Dodge models on show all looked remarkably similar lined up neatly as far as the eye could see. I asked as instructed earlier on the telephone for Lou and was soon greeted by a balding, stressed looking salesman who was a week into his new post and was as such unfamiliar to a lot of the company procedures. He told me to take a seat and promptly disappeared into his elevated office in the corner of the show room for a full fifteen minutes leaving Rainer and I twiddling our thumbs at a table in the centre of the showroom.
Excitement soon got the better of me, I couldn't keep still and after we'd sat and played in every car in the room I finally sought Lou out again. He informed me that he was waiting for a certain Lauren Oakley from International Auto Source to fax across my insurance binder (cover note) before we could seal
Talkin' 'Bout My Wheels of Steel.
The biggest contract in the history of thge world. And he almost ripped me to the tune 1300 dollars. the deal. That bloody woman again I thought, this was really going to test my patience. Ten minutes later I returned to his office and saw the still empty fax machine. I asked if I could use his phone and called her.
"Lauren's on the other phone right now. Can I give her a message" was the response.
Biting my lip and silently telling myself to keep calm I asked if she could tell her we were waiting on the document to be faxed through and another fifteen minutes later called again struggling to contain my fury. Again I did well to conceal my emotions as she answered first time.
"Hi Lauren, it's Mr Roberts" I said in my friendliest tone. "Just wondering if you managed to fax the binder across"
"Oh hi Mr Roberts" she drawled half an hour after the original request and seemingly without a care in the world, "I'm just going to do it now".
When the document finally scrolled into view I sensed the end was near but couldn't have been further off the mark as Lou then tapped his way agonisingly slowly and one fingeredly through screen after screen
of bright green data on his computer as I hovered alongside. After another fifteen minutes or so of this he handed me the driver pack, instructed me to follow him and led me to another small office where a younger bearded man sat alone twiddling his thumbs. I'd noticed him earlier apparently doing nothing and wondered his purpose, now I knew.
With America being one of the world's super powers and leaders in IT development I found it hard to grasp what was happening next as he proceeded to carefully fit form after duplicated form into his rusty old inkjet printjet and laboriously printed them off carefully marking each one with a cross and strike of translucent marker pen before passing them to me to sign. I must have signed my name twenty times when I jokingly asked how many more.
"Only another fifty" he replied before adding "nah, only kidding. Nearly done". He lied.
The forms grew in length as did our time in his office and Rainer and I watched incredulously as he fed one piece of pre printed paper that was at least a yard long into the machine, pressed the print button and
sat back as it started to clatter slowly through. When it eventually finished he snatched it from the printer, held it up, quickly scanned it's contents and promptly ripped it into four pieces before reaching for another. Rainer and I looked at each other.
"What was wrong with that one ?" I asked.
"Wrong form" he nonchalantly replied trying to kask his obvious error. I looked at the four pieces of paper on his desk and recognised it as being written completely in Spanish. He then repeated the procedure and promptly ripped the next two attempts into even smaller pieces. It was getting so embarrassing I started to feel for him.
After signing my name on about twenty different forms, sometimes more than once the the technicalities were finally complete and like an executioner about to raise his axe he reached into his drawer and pulled out what was obviously his pride and joy, a glistening desk calculator. This was obviously the bit he relished, the highlight of his uneventful week. I was aware that I would have to make a payment for vehicle registration and taxes and had been told earlier in the week by Lauren
that it would be in the region of three hundred dollars. He placed the ageing machine on the desk in front of him and reading from his screen started slowly tap, tapping away. It's always slightly unnerving when you are aware that the taps of a calculator are going to reveal what you are about to hand over, even more so when it goes on and on. I felt myself paling and held my breath as finally he stopped, grasped the machine and spun it round to reveal the display. "This is what you owe" he proudly announced. The figure $ 1, 600.50 throbbed into focus as my jaw hit my chest.
I'm sure on other occasions I would have just handed over my credit card and bit the bullet but I wasn't too pleased and being fully aware of his earlier incompetences asked if he was absolutely positive this was correct. I had after all been told it would be around 300. Without a word he got up, left the office leaving me pulling faces of horror and surprise at Rainer and returned thirty seconds later. He snatched his machine and started tapping away again. Finally, without the slightest hint of apology or exclamation he dejectedly turned the machine to face me. This time the display read $ 257.00. How I resisted the urge to reach across, place my hands around his throat and shake him violently I really don't know but I did.
Eventually, two and a half hours after arriving at the garage I was wished good luck and handed a key by Lou before almost running out to my new vehicle. As Rainer and I held a brief photo shoot I pondered that there should surely be two keys. When I went back in Lou was sat with a woman customer.
"'Scuse me Lou" I interrupted "but shouldn't there be a spare set of keys ?"
"Aren't they in there" he asked pulling the spare set out of his pocket at the same time.
This story is typical of a lot of examples of gross incompetences I have come across since my arrival and no doubt won't be the last. God bless America.
For the record I drove home wishing I'd chosen differently. The Jeep's interior felt plasticky and it seemed to handle the freeway sliproad like a double decker bus, a fact drilled home when I pulled down the sun visor and was confronted by a road sign type picture of a vehicle at forty five degrees to the vertical with a red line through it but having got through my first weekend I'm feeling much happier with my selection. It may be thirstier than a camel at an oasis averaging seventeen miles to the gallon but I just know I'm going to grow to love him.
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non-member comment
Fuel prices
Ey dude, I take it your not paying equilivant of £1.35 a ltr. Great blogs