American Wanker

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The last few nights have been quite like the others - interesting. We had two more people move into the room, a Scottish kid and an Australian. We decided to go to a small bar next door, and we were the only ones in the place. It was one of those open air cafe type of places, and pretty soon a lady came along that looked like she had alot of artificial parts. The Australian decided that she was gorgeous and that he wanted to chat it up with her.

As soon as she began to talk I could tell that something wasnt right with her, and all of a sudden it hit me: she was a man. I have to give her credit, because she/he pulled it off very well. As we were talking to her I wrote my buddies a note that said: Abort, shes a tranny. Used to be a man. Im 100% sure. That was the end of it for the Australian, his spanish beauty was a man and he was in a pissy mood the rest of the night.

We decided to move bars, and ended up running into a guy that said he was from Minnesota, went to school at Iowa State. Immediately I knew that was a bad sign, and man was I right. This guy ended up being the weirdest little piss, the Englishman decided that he was a wanker, so that became his new name. He kept winking at everyone when he would talk to them, and he kind of looked like a skinny version of Chris from Family Guy. Then he started taunting the other Minnesota guy (Brian) in our group from Mexico for saying he had visited 100 countries, and asked him if that made him feel tough. Brian is a pretty big guy, and this Iowa State boy decided to call him a pussy. After this went on for about 20 minutes, Brian doused him with an entire litre of beer - and the guys response was that Brian was still a pussy, and that was a dick move.

Wrong answer. Brian carried him by the arms into the street and told him to leave. The guy didnt. He told him again, and the guy said to piss off. Pretty soon, the guy was flying through the street and was ass first into a puddle. It was pouring rain, and he just sat there in the puddle, still holding his beer. All of the Mexicans started laughing at him and they sent him on his way. The best part was that this morning when we got another new English guy into the group I mentioned what had happened and he said that he had talked to this same guy last night and the guy was going around talking about what had happened to him. The English guy looked at me and said mate I would have done the same thing cuz that bloke was a bloody wanker. And thats why he is officially our American Wanker.

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