Playa Los Muertos (Beach of the Dead) and My Many No Thank Yous

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One of the beaches in Puerto Vallarta is called Playa Los Muertos. It is the beach of the dead. You can read online about a few different accounts of how the beach got its name. I personally think it's because tourists come here and sit for hours drinking and eating and then need to be rolled away as they've eaten or imbibed themselves to death.

Here you will see buskers and an endless array of vendors, selling food, clothing, art and housewares. It's not unusual to be bombarded (feels like harassment) by a stream of men and women offering you cheap products. When you're on the beach they are required to all dress in white and wear identification, but there don't seem to be any laws as to how old you must be to sell. Yesterday I was approached by a woman of about 30 and her four year old. He spoke to me as he held out a bag of toys. Hard to resist? Yes. But that is clearly the point. You know that these people are living in poverty and they are tugging on your heartstrings.

I wanted to sit for a while and read so I searched for a place I felt comfortable with. There are lots of beachfront restaurants where you can use their loungechairs in exchange for a moderate amount of food or beverage consumption. Really you just need to order something every hour or so (like a one dollar beer or guacamole) to keep them happy, and you get to stay on the beach in nice lounge chairs. Don had told me that two of his friends frequent one area of the beach. I went there and asked to sit down and order some food and the server told me I had to buy a day pass. This was a new concep to me since this wasn't a resort. I told him I wasn't interested and he asked me to come inside with him and set it all again. No, thank you.

No thank you seemed to be my phrase of the day. How many times did I say it today? Let's have a looksie.

I had a pina colada and read for a while. My server was Luiz and very attentive to my needs. As I sad alone on the beach and read (The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo) I sipped my drink. I very quickly decided that one of two things had just happened: either I had been drugged by Luiz (I don't think so) or he had put a very generous amount of racailla in my drink. Mmmmmmmmm. Very tasty! I realized I needed some food so I washed it down with camarone a la coca. I sat for a bit longer and then asked for la cuenta. Imagine my shock when presented with a bill for a 120 peso pina colada (a little less than 12 bucks). Woops. Lesson learned: look at the menu first so you know the prices. Drinks are usually so cheap I didn't bother.

I walked away after paying and strolled down beach, unaware that I was about to experience two unique encounters.

Number one: A man with a parasail asked me if I wanted to go out on the water. When I told him I wasn't interested and was just happy walking, he told me he could be my bodyguard. No thank you senor.

Number two: I walked north in the other direction towards the Malecon. A man asked if I wanted to buy a beautiful pipe. I said no thank you. He then offered me a discount. No thank you. Then he asked if I wanted a massage. Um, definitely no thank you. While there are lots of people offering (and lots of tourists buying) massages on the beach, I was discomforted by the idea of somebody selling both pipes and massages. Pick one, please.

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