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"An Israeli, an Aussie, a Kiwi, a Swiss, a Brit and a German walk into a bar. Israeli says to the Aussie..."

Since I last wrote, I´ve been on and off travelling with the same group of people. It´s been mountains, canyons (not kenyans), jungles (eerily like an episode of the Mighty Boosh), monkeys, snakes, iguanas, jet boats, beaches (Pacific and Carribbean), buses, 80s parties, ruins.... I´m currently in Tulum, on the Yucatan peninsula. Tomorrow morning I´m going to hightail it outta ole Mexico into Belize or Guatemala. Not sure which yet, it will depend on the buses. Belize is a tempting option because of its punnable name. Am I going to make the most of it? You´d better belize it.

Anyway, because I´m leaving Mexi, I thought it might be a good time to write a little travel guide to the country.

Landscape:
Mountains: So, it turns out that quite a lot of Mexico is mountainous, but you can only use ¨altitude'as an excuse for being puffed at the top of a massive staircase for the first week. To preserve your dignity, best option is to not ascend the ´viewpoint´ in the first place. The church at the top will be closed and there will be trees planted in front of the view. Second best option is to hike up with an Aussie in black jeans and an ACDC t-shirt. No way he´s going to be fitter than you.
Beaches: The carribbean is lovely. But the grittier sand on the pacific coast is much better to exfoliate your feet.
Jungle: Just don´t think of the snakes when sneaking into the 'back door´ of Mayan ruins. Iguanas are fine.

Language:
Spanglish is great. Italospaniano confuses the locals. But speaking Spanish with an Italian accent is fine. English with a kiwi accent, not so good - I really wasn´t trying to buy drugs from a Kenyan. I thought it would be cold in the CANYON and we might need RUGS.

Food:
Chicken is a vegetable.
All rum makers are called Ron.
Coffee is ´in´ again.

And, 5 things to make you popular when travelling:
1. A bottle of mezcal. On a bus or at any time. On the Carribbean coast, rum will substitute.
2. A camera. Sooner or later everyone´s gets pinched, so its good to have a group photographer.
3. Immodium. On a bus or at any time.
4. A yoga mat in a dorm.
5. And this one I can´t remember.

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