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HKW
The closest I could find to the expression she has when she studies...I can't even start a conversationFor those looking for an update on my progress with HKW…sorry. There’s absolutely nothing. And there will be nothing for the next couple of weeks.
It isn’t like I’ve given up…or that our relationship has hit rocky ground…in fact, its something so trivially Asian it makes me want to vomit.
She has to study for her midterms so she’s been locked away in a secluded corner of the library all of the last two weeks.
Given that her first midterm is on Wednesday of this week, I wonder why she needs to start studying a full week earlier…until my friend S-Jess (pronounced SAY-Jess) reminded me, HKW probably needs all the studying she gets (look up Water, Bland).
I tried studying with her a few times, but she’s locked in. She isn’t distracted by me staring at her, she isn’t distracted by the actions of others, she isn’t even distracted when the fire alarm went off. I thought I could catch some time to talk with her when she would go to eat…but she doesn't eat.
I stayed for 7 fucking hours in the library, and she never left her seat. Not to piss, not to eat,
HKW Partying
The HKW I want... not to stretch. She’s in the zone.
What makes shit worse is that for some strange reason, she dresses herself up to go studying and her beauty is accentuated further in the dull library when she’s got on club attire and the competition is haggard bitches in zip-up hoodies, sweatpants and scrunchies. And when she’s stressed and concentrating, she either bites her lower lip or the corner of her tongue pokes out.
I’m taking all this in trying not to flood my homework with drool.
I clearly needed a break from all this HKW drama. If I go to the library (and I hate going to the library), I go to study. But if I’m staring at the girl of my dreams, I study about as well as D1 hotshot recruit on the eve of opening day.
I was wasting my life away.
A good, clean excuse was found when my friend S-Jess invited me to a party. S-Jess is a cute Quebecois girl from the South Shore who also happens to be a Japanophile. Why haven’t I gone after her? (1) She’s a friend, (2) she reminds me of my ex girlfriend who is
Alisa 2.0
The one (of many) that slipped away also a Quebecois girl from the South Shore and (3) she’s a bisexual who loves girls more than guys.
Funny how shit never works out right? We have a pretty weird history…I first met her when she was talking about nasty shit in Japanese with her friend. I sat there listening to her talk about a variety of sex positions, ways to make people cum, etc. completely oblivious to the fact that as an Asian sitting within earshot, I might know Japanese and I might know what the fuck they were talking about.
Being the major asshole that I was (and because she seemed like a legit target), I went straight up to them. “Hi, I understand Japanese too. Can I join in?”
Afterwards I found out she was friends with Teddy and I thought I had an amazing prospect on my hands. And then I found out her sexual orientation…which absolved me of any pressure of scoring. Apparently, this made my interactions with her seem like blatant flirtation (my friend Yusaku thought I was hitting on her like a trailer trash husband) but let me make it clear: we’re platonic.
However, she is a semi-prospect
Alisa 2.0 getting her drank on
I guess she likes to pose next to inanimate objects as she has promised me that if I ever find an Asian girl willing to do so, she would have a threesome with me.
That, by the way, is the grimiest line I have carelessly written. Like any guy, I have fantasized about a threesome…but could I actually go through with one? Probably not. I would probably get colder feet than a firewalker during a coal shortage.
Therefore, it seemed like clean fun—and this was most important, as I’ve been extremely sexually frustrated since the closest I’ve come (pun clearly intended) is silently watching HKW chewing on a pen whilst studying—and I don’t wanna fuck shit up.
I met up with the group at Atwater Station. Clearly it was an Asian party with a Japanese lean as everyone spoke Japanese or was Japanese or loved Japanese. Even though I would’ve usually taken full advantage of the situation, I shouldn’t have even bothered about fucking up…when I (genuinely) chase after a girl, I can’t look at other girls.
At all.
It doesn’t make sense right? What the fuck is the depth chart for if I’m not pursuing other girls to add to the rotation? Sadly, it’s
Who's the drunkest?
Very unflattering pictures of yours truly. due to a previous experience. I’ve kind of explained it in
previous entries…but when I was chasing after Alisa 2.0 (the second one…the first Alisa was a highschool crush in New York, the second was in Tokyo, and the third was J-ZN in Montreal), I went by the philosophy of creating a 5-man rotation.
I forgot I was in Japan.
In New York City and Montreal, the 5-man was more of an ideal…in my summer in Japan it was actual reality. I was getting more bitches than a T-bone steak in a crowded dog pound. My 5-man rotation quickly filled up, I blew out all their arms, restocked it, widened it to 7…I was rolling.
In essence, I kept picking up pitchers, used them in short term gap relief, and because I can’t hit against two pitchers at same time (unless I’m in Osaka) I never got around to playing ball with Alisa 2.0. Even though I loved Alisa 2.0 above and beyond any girl I had met up that point, I steadfastly stuck to the 5-man way of life and it destroyed me. When I got back to America, I spent a few months moping because I
knew I had damaged any chance of going out with my ideal girl. Two months later, she got a boyfriend. Three months later, I found out she had liked me during the summer.
I vowed after then to never follow the 5-man rotation philosophy when properly chasing a girl.
With this vow echoing through my head, I strolled with this group to a bar. In a funny social observation, all the J-Poppers (I count as one in Montreal) were walking ahead amiably talking and all the Japanophiles whispered and pointed a few steps behind, trying to work up the courage to talk to a live Japanese person.
We got to a bar called Cine Express which sells dirt cheap 60 oz shooter pitchers. Like every other night involving alcohol that I write about on this blog, I got shitfaced.
I was pounding back some pink shit, which I dubbed “Paris Hilton’s cumjuice” (yes, I am foulmouthed), some blue shit, which my Japanese counterpart TKO (for Takane Kenji, Okama) dubbed “Listerene” and some green shit, which Teddy dubbed “Green Shiz”. They were shooters so they tasted like juice on my desensitized tongue and I lost count of
drinks around 12 (and that was early).
Teddy had magically appeared halfway through the party, we recounted some of our ridiculous stories from Japan to much fanfare, then we somehow ended up in a cab and then we were 6 in Teddy’s house: Me, S-Jess, Teddy, some douchebag Frenchman with a ponytail, my friend Sachi (half Japanese) and Nerdy K-Chick’s Best Friend.
Like I said, I was ridiculously drunk. I was sitting next to S-Jess on the couch and I started to run my hands through her hair whilst drinking a coffee gin combo (a disgusting mix that I couldn't tell was disgusting due to inebriation).
Her hair felt amazing like all white people hair. Smooth, silky, thin…I must’ve spent 30 minutes stroking her hair…which I realize sounds retarded on so many levels, but that night was the drunkest I’ve had since craziness in Texas.
So let’s not judge me.
I passed out.
I woke up in time to see everyone leaving, but I was crashing hard so I didn’t really care.
I passed out.
I woke up just as S-Jess and Nerdy K-Chick’s Best Friend (who I’ll now refer to as Kang 2.0) were coming back in…what the fuck?
Apparently douchebag Frenchman was just as marketed as he relentlessly hit on all the girls so they pretended to leave to get him out.
I tried not to laugh at the blatant discrimination. Since he’s French and can handle his liquor and has a ponytail and looks old (like all white people over 17), he gets hit with the “creepy” tag when he verbally flirts with girls. Since I’m a tiny little Asian who looks innocent and small and has a nice blushing glow, I get labeled as “cute” for stroking a girl’s hair for 30 minutes…I guess I can't complain about getting pulled over any more.
Laying on the sofa, I watched Teddy start to spit game on Kang 2.0 with mild bemusement. While Kang 2.0 excused herself to go to the loo, S-Jess wondered if Kang 2.0 might be bisexual so we quickly agreed to help her (I complain about not getting any, but imagine if you’re a white girl who likes Japanese girls…how many pitchers could you even attempt to approach for a tryout?).
After some delicate prodding, we found out she wasn’t…and for some reason, the topic shifted to cuddling and we decided to have a cuddling party. “We” being S-Jess and Teddy.
Kang 2.0 seemed hesitant due to her female Asian instincts. I was kind of hesitant as I was afraid of HKW hearing about this. “Kind of hesitant” being not hesitant at all as I was fatigued, ready to pass out and a little intrigued. And I could count on S-Jess and Teddy not fucking shit up and Kang 2.0 had at least 3 degrees of separation with HKW.
We were awkwardly standing around Teddy’s bed, and being my usual self, I jumped in first, Teddy followed and then the girls. From left to right it looked like this: Kang 2.0, Teddy, Me and S-Jess. Obvioiusly, the spooning occurred with me and Teddy facing away.
S-Jess passed out immeadiately and I was ready to follow suit but my arm was trapped under S-Jess’ head. Trying not to wake her, I was slowly easing my hand out when I heard the unmistakable sound of a sloppy single.
Shit!
Not only was this awkward, I had no idea what my wingman responsibilities were. Do I pretend to go to the bathroom to give Ted free roaming space? Do I pretend to fall asleep? Shit, shit shit! What the fuck am I supposed to do?
The sounds were continuing.
Shit…Considering my trapped arm (I wasn’t going to wake S-Jess and make it more awkward), I shut my eyes tightly believing I would somehow become invisible.
Suddenly, the sounds broke off and this is what I heard: muffled voices whispering, someone falling onto the floor, a very tense whispered argument and then one person leaving.
What the fuck? The one remaining person got back in and from the feminine “sigh”, I knew it was Kang 2.0 sleeping behind me.
What the fuck just happened?
I mulled over what I heard and came to the conclusion: Teddy and Kang 2.0 had drunkenly made out, Kang 2.0 realized what she was doing and kicked him out of the cuddling session.
Alright, no harm waking S-Jess now. I ripped my arm out (S-Jess remained passed out) and started violently waving it to get the circulation back.
“Are you ok?” Kang 2.0’s voice.
“Huh, yeah.”
“Ok.”
She sighed, and snuggled up to me.
I naturally moved over to accommodate her...and then S-Jess feeling me leaving in her sleep, flipped over and snuggled over as well...
Wait…
what? A lightbulb went off over my head.
I was lying flat on my back in between two very attractive girls…one of which specifically wanted to have a threesome with me and an Asian chick…there was an Asian chick…I was game...
Jesus.
Wait, what about my vow to never mess with other girls when chasing?
The answer to that was simple: Fuck my vows, how often do you find yourself in a situation like this?
Plus, the girls’ hair was right underneath my nose and I could smell two distinct shampoo/perfume combinations driving me nuts and their bodies were pressed right up against mine…
I was ready.
Something held me back…what? It wasn’t the mental barrier of a threesome (the alcohol took care of that)…it wasn’t the physical barrier (I was getting spooned simultaneously by two girls for Christ's sake)…then what?
Probably a combination of three things. First was my vow and my desire to not fuck shit up with HKW. Second was whatever happened with Teddy earlier…swooping in on someone’s loss, though somewhat acceptable given the circumstances, seemed just a tad grimy. And the third is some combination of the two leading to a simple conclusion. I’m a pussy at heart.
Good thing I was. When I groggily woke up in the morning and faced a ridiculous looking Ted grinning underneath a cape made of bed covers, I heard his side of the tale (his to tell, not mine to tell) and realized I had misinterpreted a lot.
Staggered home and ran into D-German.
“Crazy night?”
I cocked my chin up to the ceiling. “I slept with two girls...”
His mouth dropped.
But I owed him the truth, “…I only cuddled though.”
He was still a little shocked.
“Wow.”
And because I told D-German the truth or because I passed up on a sure threesome or because I’m an all around nice guy at heart or maybe because coincidences actually happen, my phone buzzed…
New text message from HKW:
“I’m finally done studying!”
Gametime.
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C-Benz
non-member comment
Dude...
Yo nice story I hope i find myself in the same...'position.' And you really look at the camera when it takes your picture... you look WAY less shitfaced.