Escape from Dubai!

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Greetings friends. These are

the tales of my adventures.

After a lovely meal with my parents and Jamie, we set off for departures, my mum had a tear in her eye which was very sweet. It reminded me of all those years ago when I left home, except I think back then she was happy to get rid of me. We walked into the airport with backpacks on, heading away from the usual Virgin check-in desk to America which was weird. I wouldn't say it's conventional backpacking. Straighteners and every kind of conditioner have been packed. I brought a torch in case shit really goes down. I boarded the Emirates airlines which is fantastic. The Airbus has loads of space, excellent entertainment and was inexpensive. They also offer live TV so I was fortunate enough to watch the packers beat the cowboys. That's NFL if you don't know.

My first stop was Dubai, I was unsure what to expect. I came into the trip with trepidation as it doesn't really appeal to me but I understand why it is so popular. At first glance the place is beautiful, efficient and clinical. Everything you need is there. It's a home away from home. Except, it's not. Dubai is a complete Mirage, a place with no identity of its own. It's completely fake, the middle east in western clothing.

The first thing you notice is the rudeness of just about everyone from taxi drivers to hotel workers. Short shift answers, grunting and flat-out condescension. The tourists to be fair aren't much better, foreigners from all walks of life, disrespecting everything from the queue systems to basic manners. Snorting and flemming seems to be a trait of the middle eastern male. It's disgusting. Everywhere smells like that dodgy aftershave you get in one of those Christmas 3 for 2 gift sets.

The hotel itself was unremarkable. TripAdvisor can only do so much. The food was continental, with the usual laughable 'turkey ham'. You wonder why they bother. The room service was sub-par, I've been put off steak for a while. It did boast a nice rooftop pool and jacuzzi, but was let down with its Costco style sauna and steam room, as well as losing points for having a gym without a bar bell. The hotel did however offer a free shuttle service to the beach and malls. You do need it. Everything seems close online but everything is half an hour away.

Full disclaimer. I'm not your average short breaker. I've stayed at the top hotels. Done all the parties. I prefer to go for value for money. I like to explore. A hotel room is a place to sleep and poo for me. I accept the experience may be different at the Palm, 7 star luxury will do that for you. But I don't spend a years savings on a 3 day break in Dubai. Nor am I interested in quads and camels. I've done all those excursions on the budget holidays when I was younger. I'm also not generally interested a water parks that is a carbon copy of the one I went to in the Bahamas six months ago and twice the price of Typhoon Lagoon. So I completely understand if I sound like I'm moaning about a place that's not catered for me. There's very little to do here besides two water parks and a beach. There are other activities like a a shark tank experience and ski Dubai, however both cost a fortune and are located within shopping malls. I would find it off-putting to experience such an activity while patrons at the TGI Fridays watch me from the window. If that's your thing then fair enough.

With activities seemingly limited. You notice that everything is centered around shopping. I must say some of the best shops and restaurants from both sides of the Atlantic are here, in malls larger than I've ever been too, and I know my malls. Unfortunately the prices are more Westend than Lakeside. You would save more money shopping at home. I did have a great milkshake from shake shack though so it wasn't all bad.

One of the things you can do is visit the man made beaches. It is a hive of activity as people aren't restricted on clothes here, some though should be. You get a lovely eyeful of Europeans wearing standard Y fronts in the sea. The beaches are lined with more high street shops. I'm starting to sense a theme. I attempted to use the beach gym, and was shocked to learn it was £16 for entry. They've attempted to copy the states but are pulling it off all wrong. You'll pay extra for everything here. Any sort of beach float, courts, the giant climbing frames in the sea. Two beach chairs cost £50. Even the sprinkler that you clean the sand off your feet with costs money!

Overpriced is the word. My trip up to the amazing Burj Khalifa was £125 per person. You got a free glass of orange juice mind you, so there's that. I expected amazing views. It was like seeing a montage of all of your favorite construction sites. Desert as far as the eye can see. You have to break your neck to see the fountains. It pales in comparison to the views from the Empire state building, Toronto's CN tower or even my bedroom. It's an impressive height but as I always say, size isn't everything.

The major issue is that the place is one huge building site. It's not an exaggeration, even the beach is under construction. The views were awful. Perhaps it's different at the palm but everywhere else is a contractors dream. It's like a rushed game of Sim City. There aren't even any sidewalks, you have to navigate the desert and the road. They are attempting to steal the best ideas from everywhere else in the world and make it there own, but are pulling it off all wrong. It has no warm feeling. It lacks the hussle and bustle of a major city. It's just one big shopping mall with the opportunity for excursions you don't actually want to do.

The real problem with Dubai is really how fake it is. From the beaches and activities to the water park and hotel, the food, the activities, the skyline. The mass construction work using slave labor to build projects at rapid pace. The attempts to build a city from nothing to a hub in just a generation. The way that people carry themselves and their attitude towards others each other and in particular women. Im not here to debate what people believe in or religious rules they choose to follow, that's their business. I'll respect the laws of the country I'm in. However, it's the blatant hypocrisy surrounding the place and that bothers me. Islamic law is the way of life here, but please be consistent. You're told to cover your shoulders and knees, and have no displays of affection in public. Yet somehow it's OK to drink, smoke, lay outside marriage, use you're phone while driving, speed excessivey and be half naked in certain areas too as long as it fits the status quo. It's also fine to treat women like second class citizens. The men here drag them around like cattle and cover them head to toe. That's the rules, but they are happy to leech and stare at every western women that walks past with almost predatory instincts. They will also carry around a crate of Heineken In their trolley. I do not know why women would want to come here. I'm not annoyed at this on religious grounds, Islamic law is fine if that's the law. Just don't pick and choose which ones you want to follow. You can't be both east and west at the same time. I found Dubai so restrictive and unsettling. Really, I'm just upset I wasn't allowed to dance in public. That's against the rules too.

Some may not share my thoughts and experience's. Some may not even notice or care. Inside a luxury resort will offer a different perspective. Some people just want to drink, eat and shop. That appeals to a lot of people. You can do that inside the Dubai bubble. I can safely say though that this sort of break wasn't for me. I expect more. Like the life of Vegas or the buzz of NYC. Like interacting with people and doing things that can only be done in those places. I prefer to shop cheaper and not be restricted on what I eat, where I go or how I act. Its all fake and copied. All of it. It's close for a short break in the sun, but I would advise people would be to travel to Newark and stay in New Jersey. Real beaches, tax free shopping, real food and you can get your legs out. Dubai, a pig in lipstick is still a pig. Just don't eat it.

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