Back to Edinburgh

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Saturday 21st June

We weren't returning straight to Edinburgh but going via Falkirk; not to visit the battlefield where Wallace's Scots army was destroyed but to see the Falkirk Wheel. Along with the Eiffel Tower, the Millau Viaduct, Ironbridge, and the German motorways, this was a technological marvel that had been pencilled into the itinerary very early in the planning stages.

The Falkirk wheel is a new invention which replaces traditional locks. Locks on rivers and canals are used to connect two waterways of different heights. Normally there are two watertight gates set into the river.. The boat (or boats- many locks can hold more than one) moves into the holding area (the section of river between the two gates) and the gateway it entered through is closed. If the boat is going upriver, water is pumped into the holding area until the holding area and the river beyond are at the same level. The upriver gate (not the one it entered through) is opened and the boat sails on. Going down river the process is reversed, boat sails in, water is pumped out until it matches the downriver level, then the downriver gate is opened. This takes some time, the larger the lock generally the slower the process. In Holland we saw a very large lock at St Andries Sluis, (where the rivers the Maas and the Waal meet) and we had used one ourselves on the boat trip in Carcassonne. The one at St Andries Sluis took over half-an hour to fill, whereas the one in Carcassonne took closer to 15 minutes. Using the lock actually takes longer than this as there is a certain amount of manoeuvring to get into position and at Carcassonne we had to wait about 20 minutes for a couple of other boats heading our way.

The "non-wheel" part of the structure is an extension of the Union canal. This section of the canal is basically a bridge that ends in mid air. The last section of the raised canal is between two large spindles. The section between the two spindles is actually a gondola which can be removed from the canal. The bottom of the spindle holds another gondola. To use the wheel a boat sails (and moors) on the upper gondola section. A lock gateway is then raised between the "bridge" canal and the section of canal in the gondola. The wheel then slowly rotates (the sections of canal in the gondolas are in gimbals and so remain horizontal) moving the upper gondola (and contents) down to the lower level while the other end of the spindle raises the other gondola (including any boats wishing to head upstream to the Union Canal).

Originally there were a series of 11 locks linking the Union Canal and the Forth & Clyde Canal just outside of Falkirk. Descending the 34 metre drop took virtually a whole day to negotiate and used 3500 tonnes of water every trip. With the Wheel the trip takes 15 minutes and no water is wasted.

We "rode the Wheel". That is, we booked seats on one of the tourist boats that takes you from the pool at the bottom of the Wheel up to the Union canal extension. It then puddles along the extension and through a shortish tunnel, bored through an inconvenient peak, does a "uiey", and heads back to the gondola. The wheel then does another half rotation returning you to your starting point.

In truth, it's not very exciting! There is almost no sensation of movement and I was only aware that we were moving by the fact that the markings on the actual circular surrounds were no longer in the same place (as the gondola had swivelled a little keeping itself horizontal). But we were there and wouldn't be again for a long time (if ever) so it seemed worth doing. Probably the main reason for taking the ride would be for the brilliant views of the countryside spread out below. Owen was in the prime spot for photographs and got some beauties which, due to an unfortunate occurrence (which will be related in a later blog), we don't have copies of these snaps.

A few interesting facts about the wheel:
• 45,000 bolt holes were cut in creating it. If all the waste metal punched out were placed in a single pile it would weigh 7 tonnes.
• Because the two gondolas are evenly balanced (by Archimedes's displacement principle, both will weigh the same whether or not there are boats in them) it only takes the same amount of power as would be used to boil 8 electric kettles to move the wheel through a half-turn.
• The wheel site attracts an increasing number of Glaswegian fish, crowding into the lower basin. The more adventurous "ride" the wheel and continue their journey along the Union Canal towards Edinburgh.

After lunch at a nearby pub we returned to Edinburgh (via the A8 of course) and, after a brief search for a convenient parking spot, we returned to Eileen's B&B. This time we had been moved to her third (and final) guest room, the Asian Room. After re-arranging our baggage for the big move tomorrow, we headed back into Edinburgh.

Owen and I booked into The Scotch Whisky Tour while Marion put her feet up and had a coffee or two after all the driving she had done.

The Scotch Whisky Tour is in a building a little further up the hill from where we had finished our Secrets of the Royal Mile tour a few days ago. The tour is a gold star attraction, so we were expecting something extra special. There is a large buying area at the front where you can purchase "tastes" of various whiskies or buy bottles if you prefer. There is also a coffee shop downstairs. When the tour begins you are crammed into a room that could afford to be much larger. Everyone was given a tasting glass and a couple of nips of "today's" whisky (I don't remember the brand name, but it was a blended whisky.)

The guide then talked about the different things you can observe about a whisky, its colour, "thickness" (viscosity) and aroma. After swirling , peering and sniffing, we were finally invited to taste the whisky. I was rather shocked that we were not told the most important information about drinking whisky; a small dash of water should be added before imbibing. This water "opens" up the whisky, improving the flavour. Although we were not told this, Marion informed us afterward that this was noted on the walls of the coffee shop.

We were then ushered into a theatre, decorated with shelves of whisky bottles (presumably either fake or empty) and various other "whisky paraphernalia". A rather "naff" video was screened which took you on a whirlwind tour of a distillery.

At the end of this film we were ushered into a second theatre (through a door in a mock-up of a large pot still) where the seats resembled pews in a church. Out at the front on a raised platform was the model of a distillery. The guide went through the various parts of a distillery which had been explained in the video, and a door or wall on the model would slide up revealing named section or, if it was external, the appropriate part of the model lit up. After this we were shown a more interesting video about the different types of whisky.

We learnt that malt whisky (whose base grain is barley) requires a lengthy distilling process, which had been shown in the video. Whereas grain whisky is made in a a continuous still, so that it is produced much faster. Scotch grain whisky is usually made from 10-20% malted (partially germinated) barley and the rest from other unmalted cereals such as maize or wheat. Scotch grain spirit is about 94% alcohol by volume. The distilled grain spirit is lighter in character and aroma than most malt whiskies and therefore requires rather less time to mature. The bulk of matured grain whisky is used for blending with malt whisky.

So a single malt whisky (which is the only whisky I drink, having become a whisky snob in my old age) is made from malt whisky only whereas most whisky's are a mixture (blend) of malt and grain. The fact that grain whisky is produced faster than malt whisky explains why blends are cheaper than single malts. You can also purchase blended malts which are a blend of a range of malt whiskies, with no grain whisky included.

After this video the guide fielded a few questions from the audience. We were then shown another (highly uninformative) film about the difference in the malts from various regions of Scotland. It is claimed that each region has its own clearly defined characteristics (which were not spelt out in the video). I'm not sure about the validity of this assertion. I have tasted a range of Islay malts and they have a variety of aromas and flavours. Another example was Orkney which boasts two distilleries; one produces a very sweet whisky, whereas the other makes a peaty, dry single malt.

We were then led into yet another theatre (I gather all this moving from room to room is so they can run multiple groups through the "experience" at the same time). Here the video was projected onto a mesh screen and given a green tinge as our host (on the film) was supposed to be a ghost. The "ghost" was a whisky blender from the Victorian era. This added nothing to our visit except for some very weak comedy relief.

At the end of this were ushered onto the "barrel" ride; which was another automated carriage rides similar to those we had experienced at Madame Tousards and Jorvik. These carriages were shaped roughly like barrels on the outside, but once in, they were identical to the other rides. This was probably the worst of the three (which is saying something because Madame Tousard's was goddamn awful). As with the other two rides, the area on each side of the track was populated by wax dummies, but there were far less moving mannequins than at the other two rides. At one point there were two scenes in miniature (using different scales) along with a full sized one, all visible at the same time; quite disconcerting and not very effective. But this was topped later on when we came to a scene with a number of soldiers arrayed around a gentlemen signing a writ of parliament. The soldiers on the right were wax dummies but the ones on the left were literally cardboard cut-outs (maybe they had run out of money or just lost interest).

My advice is that if you want to learn about whisky making, go on a guided distillery tour, as I did on my honeymoon, rather than visit The Scotch Whisky Tour.

When we emerged we had discovered that it had begun raining. It was just after 5 and the Ghosts and Gore Walking Tour we had booked began in around two hours time. (For reasons best known to some promoter somewhere, Edinburgh has more Ghost and Ghoul tours than you can poke a stick at. In the "Welcome to Edinburgh Guide that we had been given by Eileen, there were four promoted in seven pages of attractions, and there were many more we saw advertised elsewhere). The G&G Walking Tour began at The Witchery, a restaurant a couple of doors form The Scotch Whisky Tour, so we decided we'd pop in there for a bite to eat.

Unfortunately they were booked out so huddling under our umbrellas, in the now quite heavy rain, we wandered down the Royal Mile looking for somewhere else to catch a quick bite early in the evening. We happened upon The Jolly Judge. The front half of this pub was obviously the bar. When we asked about grabbing a quick snack the staff looked at us quizzically, but eventually proffered menus and directed us into the back room.

From here we could see "the kitchen" which was crammed between the two public sections. The kitchen was not very encouraging. What we could see of it consisted of two microwaves, a deep fryer, a well-used electric stove top and a tiny oven (possibly a steam oven). There was more of it behind the deep fryer but that was (thankfully) hidden from our view. Marion wasn't feeling very hungry and decided she just wanted a side dish of wedges and sour cream. Owen agreed deciding upon the same. I returned to the front bar to order and was told that "we don't serve side orders by themselves." I pointed out that I was having a "full meal" (a pizza) but they were adamant. We pulled up sticks and headed off elsewhere.

We came to Deacon Brodies (yes they named a pub after him). But it was obviously "Deacon Brodie by night" because as we approached the entrance two rather drunk youths staggered out of the door. There were a number of other young men, more than a few sheets to the wind, standing (or more correctly leaning), drinking on the sidewalk. I knew they were also drunk as they were not worrying about the rain watering down their beers.

Finally we chanced upon a small restaurant/cafe that was dry, warm and were happy for us to grab a table. They served small "tapas-like" meals and we ordered and shared a few of these.

Although now dried out, we had to brave the Edinburgh rain and head back up the hill for two or three blocks to get back to The Witchery. The Witchery has a small covered passageway; the door to the restaurant is about halfway down one side, but the passage continues and opens into a clearing with a big bungalow with large windows in it. (I'm still not sure if it's part of the Witchery restaurant, or something else entirely).

Being covered, the passageway was sheltered from the incessant rain, so we huddled there, along with about 10 other bedraggled souls waiting for the tour to begin. Although not freezing, it was quite cold and my hands were more comfortable inside my pockets than out. I could not believe that a young women, going on the tour, had brought along her two daughters (aged around 10-13) dressed in
mini-skirts and thongs. She "thoughtfully" offered them a rug to wrap around themselves.

The tour guide introduced himself as Alexander Clapperton (deceased) formerly a cemetery director. He had an offsider, named Igor, who limped around collecting fees from those who had yet to pay. By this time there were around 15 in the tour group.

We headed down the Royal Mile and we re-visited one of the closes we had seen on the earlier close tour. Alexander told us all about the plague and "Igor" returned but with a different name, not limping, and swinging a large bell while pushing a cart. He was dressed quite differently and was taking the part of a collector of dead bodies (a la Monty Python). He played his part telling us about his job and experiences.

We moved on to another close we had also visited on the previous tour. Thoughtfully, Alexander kept finding dry spots for us to listen to his spiel. (Or maybe deceased beings feel the damp as well?) This time Igor returned as a beggar and handed Owen his begging bowl. He then explained how beggars had to be licensed or their right hand was cut off (for a first offence). Owen was then grabbed and asked for his license. No license, so there in the alley before his alarmed parents, Owen's hand was removed. (To slightly misquote Python "It got better").

We continued revisiting all the places we had on the previous tour (by a different company) with Igor turning up in a number of different guises. At one point Alexander Clapperton tried to put me in the portable stocks, but my neck was too thick (even though I don't play rugby!), so he picked on a young lass around 10 years old (with a nice thin neck) instead.

By the end of the tour we had visited every close that we had seen on the "Secrets of the Royal Mile" Tour on Tuesday, and no new ones! Despite the repetition the tour was quite fun, if a tad damp.

After managing, with difficulty, to find a parking space close to Eileen's we had a wonderful warm shower and, finally, delightfully dry at last, snuggled into a comfortable, cosy bed.

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Photos

Falkirk Wheel
The Falkirk Wheel - a more interesting and practical lock.

Falkirk Wheel
Another photo of the innovative Falkirk Wheel.

Information Board
An information board illustrating how the Falkirk Wheel operates.

The Witchery
The Witchery, in Edinburgh, where we found the G&G tour.

Off with his hand!
Owen gets his hand stabbed with a knife!

Stocks
Alexander Tapperton (deceased) put this girl in the stocks when he discovered Brian's neck was too thick.

Highlander
EEEK! A scottish Highlander!