It is an odd feeling, to embark on an adventure with someone when you have both agreed on an ‘expiry’ date. Whenever I acknowledge the fact, I have an over surge of confusing feelings. Sadness, abandonment, relief, acceptance, contentment; I feel empowered to realise that this decision is not necessarily an attack on me personally, though this does not lessen the hurt in any shape or form.
The relationship has always been more of a fantastic mate-ship, which has the added sexual benefits. But a deep and meaningful everlasting love is not what we have. He has always held me at a strong arms reach, something that I admired and also resented him for. As for me, I am able to divulge into the romantic ideal of a short lived relationship, giving myself in entirety; it took many months, and many conversations with my mother to respect that others are unable to invest so emotionally in a ‘temporary’ relationship.
In saying this, what attracted me in the first place was never the potential life enduring love, but the excitement, and then to follow was the friendship, respect and caring. It is safe to say the comfort was also what held us together for such a time. I look at him now and all I can do is smile. I have no regrets. True, my heart will be broken when I leave his side, however I have been preparing myself for this day since the moment we met. I do believe that I have made an exceptional friend who I will always have a laugh with and hold fond memories of. Even as I type this, I feel my eyes begin to glisten, not only with the impending loss of a day to day friend, lover and confidant, but with the unknown excitement of what the future holds.
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