A Nice Guy's Evil Girlfriend

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Dinner with Stephanie, Gary, and Troy

As we sit in the tightly-squeezed upstairs of a small Italian restaurant in Leceister Square, sipping wine on this lovely Friday night, Gary's iPhone rings. He turns white, "It's her. I can't answer it."

"Don't answer it!" we say.

Gary fidgets with the phone, brows furrowed with stress. "If I don't answer it, she's gonna hit the roof."

Troy says, "If you DO answer it, she'll be hitting the roof, so what different will it make?"

Of course, I don't pretend to know all the ins-and-outs of Gary's relationship. I met him only last night, after all. He's a cute guy, considerate, obviously very patient to put up with the shit his girlfriend dishes out for him. He has a well-paying job in L.A. that sent him here to London for business for a few days. His Canadian girlfriend back home calls him a million times a day, accusing him of cheating on her, asking him where he's been and what he's been doing. He hasn't even told her that his Troy has come with him from L.A., just for the travel experience, or she would be pissed. It's like he has to act like he's just going to work, then returning to his hotel room and waiting to hear from her. She doesn't want to hear that he's been sight-seeing or something; she doesn't want to hear that he's been having fun without her.

Finally, the phone stops ringing. "God, you have no idea how mad at me she's gonna be that I didn't answer," Gary says.

Troy responds, "Yeah, I do! I heard her screaming at you through the phone last night. You just stood there, not saying anything, looking helpless, and I could hear her yelling, cussing you out, calling you names for like 20 minutes."

"Break up with her!" Stephanie encourages.

"Yeah," says Gary. "I don't know how much longer I can take this."

I butt in, "Gary, listen. I've been in a relationship like that before. One day, you will get sick of it, and you'll just walk. And she'll be pissed and go off, same as she always does. After that's out of her system, she'll panic from loneliness, and she'll get all pathetic and start crying and begging. When that stage passes, she'll go back to being pissed off again and telling you shit like how you'll never find anyone as good as she is. But eventually, she'll slowly realize what she lost in you, and she'll realize that she's lost herself, too. She has probably turned into someone she never wanted to be. One day, she'll tell you that you did the right thing in breaking up with her and that she's sorry for how she treated you."

Gary was quiet for a second. "Yeah, I know she has become someone she never wanted. I never thought of that before, but you're right."

"See, you'd be doing her a favor, too, by breaking up with her."

He nods, but we can all tell that he's not going to break up with her yet.

The phone rings. "Excuse me," Gary says, stepping outside to take the call.

We sit in silence, frustrated. "Those phone calls are costing him $1 a minute," Troy says. "They've probably talked for HOURS since he's been here."

Stephanie's friend, Raeann, another American, joins us and fills us in on her CRAZY drama with her work visa. Apparently, an American company brought her over here from Atlanta and didn't do the proper paperwork to have her here legally. She didn't know that, of course; she thought it was all legit. When she went on vacation to Brussels, the border control busted her on the way back in. She called her company, crying, and they told her to start telling all these lies and said they'd get it sorted out. She was stuck in Brussels for about a week before they managed to get her back into the UK, but she basically can't ever leave again or the government won't let her back in. And now, if she applies for a real work visa, they probably won't give her one after all the lies she told and the fact that she was already working here illegally.

"I'm going home for Christmas though," Raeann says. "Back to Atlanta. And I'm going to apply for a visa anyway and do everything the RIGHT way. If they turn me down, oh well."

They're so gonna turn her down. Bummer. I kinda like her; she's hilarious.

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Photos

Crazy, Party of 5, Your Table Is Now Available!
Stephanie, Gary, Me, Troy (standing), and Raeann (in front).