Seven head for the archipelago

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Four o’clock on Friday afternoon saw me sling my backpack over my shoulder and pretty much run out of the office en route to Central Station. The reason for the hasty exit? Our birthday stuga weekend was about to begin and I was keen to get going.

To say this trip was well planned would be a lie. It had been a long time in theoretical discussion, but we were still making travel and catering arrangements Friday lunchtime, and possession of the place for the Friday night wasn’t confirmed until that morning! The premise of the weekend was that it was Chris’ birthday on the Friday, and Ning’s on the Saturday, so a joint celebration was in order. A number of options were considered - hire of a luxury yacht for the day (which would have been fantastic if we could have been sure of the weather, and if we had had enough people to make it financially viable - sadly neither was the case), a trip on the “party boat” to Finland (not sure why that one was rejected in the end but probably for the best) and the hiring of a beautiful luxury house in the archipelago (also needed more people). In the end there were seven of us and Navin (Ning’s husband) organised a lovely waterside stuga (cottage) on the southern shore of Värmdö, an island in the archipelago only half an hour’s drive outside Stockholm.

Back at Central Station I met up with Chris to go alcohol shopping... and got sidetracked to the local Hertz office when we realised we didn’t know how to get to the stuga by public transport and that 7 of us wouldn’t fit into Anna’s car. The nice man at the desk gave us a really good last minute deal and we walked away with keys to a Volvo estate. Next stop, Systembolaget. Which was possibly the worst place to be at 5pm on a Friday afternoon. The problem with limited opening hours of a state monopoly off license is that it encourages panic buying. Hence half of Stockholm was jammed into this particular shop, grabbing whatever they could find off the shelves and then patiently queuing for half an hour to pay. By the time we actually escaped the asylum there were bouncers at the door, operating a one in-one out policy... if your name’s not on the list, you’re not coming in.

But we were in the clear so jumped in the wagon, picked up Shankar and Rajiv (illegally parking twice in the process) and hit the road. My superior map reading skills (and Chris’ driving) got us there in no time, and ahead of the other car. So we were the ones to be greeted by the now infamous Olof, owner of the stuga (Elfsala Lodge) and our landlord for the weekend... At first meeting he didn’t seem too crazy - just keen to show us around the cottage and to collect some money for the first night, which seemed reasonable enough. Probably in his 50s or 60s, he lives in the house on the slope directly above Elfsala, so in prime spying position.

Friday evening was pretty relaxed - we had a few beers, I mixed some Pimms from the supply I’d just smuggled into the country and introduced it to the non-English in the party (provoking mixed reviews, mostly positive), we had some delicious food prepared by Ning and listened to a few tunes from Navin on his guitar. Chris tried to light the wood stove and showed us all why men should only be allowed to make fire outside, as he proceeded to fill the dining room with smoke... Which probably caused Olof’s first heart attack of the weekend! His second would have swiftly followed as Chris and Navin decided to go for a late night dip in the Baltic, diving/jumping off the end of the jetty with varying degrees of style. The swim was short-lived though - temperatures were not particularly conducive to prolonged bathing.

Saturday morning dawned and we realised what a beautiful setting we were in - prime waterside location with no neighbours to speak of (bar Olof) and a fantastic L-shaped jetty complete with fast-looking motorboat and scruffy little dinghy. Guess which one turned out to be ours... Our first visit from Olof came around 9am, ostensibly to collect the rest of the rent, which we didn’t have yet (not having visited the cash machine). But he was put to good use showing us how to use the little dinghy and he wandered off happy enough that his property was still standing. A quick trip to the nearest supermarket and we were cash rich and ready for his next visitation, and for our breakfast! The weather was really sunny (if windy) and we set up our breakfast on the picnic table on the jetty - feast again courtesy of Ning (she loves to cook, and we love to eat the result!). Olof showed up again around 10am and we gave him the cash, hoping that was the last we’d see of him... How wrong we were...

When we hired the stuga, we were a little surprised at the charging structure - a flat fee per 24 hour period, plus a further fee per person staying in the cottage. We had obviously paid for seven. But we had a further 3 showing up during the day for our evening barbecue... and probably staying over given the poor bus connections... Oops. Nothing a bit of people smuggling couldn’t fix 😊 Gemma smuggled herself in, complete with backpack and sleeping bag; Shankar and I went out in the car to pick up Rachel and Zoe and smuggle them in, right under Olof’s nose as he drove past us in the opposite direction!

So we whiled away the afternoon in a pleasant haze of Pimms, Jeltzin vodka and sauna controversy (we hadn’t hired that so Olof unsubtly came over to tell us so, and then again to lock it because we were clearly untrustworthy! We’d only sat there because it was in the sun and out of the wind). There was also a minor boat incident when Navin and Shankar decided to pilot an overloaded boatful of women (Ning, Rachel, Zoe and Gemma) around the coast, only to run out of fuel halfway back! They finally found a spare can of fuel under the seat, but I heard it was an interesting half hour...

Before we knew it, it was time for the barbecue to be lit and more delicious Ning-prepared food to be consumed! Which was certainly needed by then to soak up the Boris, tequila, beer, Pimms... There are few things better in life than sitting by the water on a sunny evening, eating great food with some great company 😊 Evening drew in and we adjourned to the living room to continue the party, ending up dancing like loons to cheesy tunes (including some Bollywood moves from Navin, Shankar and Rajiv - Navin is actually “Angry Sikh” in the linked video) and discussing the meaning of life at the kitchen table. I’m sure Olof enjoyed every minute that he secretly filmed/recorded... 😉

Sunday was another beautiful day - the wind had dropped and we migrated to the end of the jetty for our last breakfast. We had to vacate the place by lunchtime so Shankar, Chris and I hopped into the boat for a final spin. Literally. With almost psychic timing, Olof had showed up to check on us again, just as Shankar navigated us round in a circle and into the shingle at the shore... cue horrible crunching/grinding noises as the outboard motor grounded. The £70 bill we were presented with a week later to replace the propeller was almost worth the look on Olof’s face 😊 Back in deeper water I took the helm and zoomed off out of sight of our beloved landlord. Despite having lots of fuel, we too had a sticky moment when the engine cut out just as we were the opposite side of the water to the stuga... Chris and I started rowing, slowly, knowing it was a long way, but thankfully Captain Shankar got us going again and we were home dry.

Tired but relaxed, we took the long way home, wanting to see a bit more of the archipelago whilst we had the car. A little cramped with 4 of us in the back (and slightly nerve-wracking as Ning and I pretended to be one person when we passed the police car in Stockholm), but some lovely scenery. All in all it was a great weekend. Elfsala Lodge is a lovely house in a fantastic location, but unfortunately rather spoiled by Olof not leaving us alone to enjoy it (the comedy value wasn’t enough compensation). He will be getting feedback... when we get our deposit back!

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