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Published: October 26th 2007
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No Parliament is an island
Except for the Swedish one Sweden is famous for many things. Volvos, the Nobel Prize, producing Australian Open (among others) tennis champions, and of course, Swedish people themselves. From the backpackers perspective, it is also notorious as being a bit of a no-go zone due to astronomical prices. Fortunately, I was able to lodge with my old school mate Carl Aberg (better known as Ahberg), the man who produced one of the all-time great cameo appearances at Lorne for Pier to Pub weekend a couple of years back (which some will recall). He is now beautifully set up in Stockholm in a fantastic apartment a short walk from the city centre. I couldn't have asked for a better guide to the city, or better digs for that matter.
Among others, one of my key aims for my time in Stockholm was to produce a similarly remarkable performance when we went out and hit the town on my first night. I'd like to think I achieved that, but perhaps not quite in the way I had expected. The night started off in extraordinarily dignified fashion, as we headed round to the apartment of Ahberg's mate Rasmus with three other blokes for an exquisite three course meal,
Antics
HJT and Ahberg accompanied by fine wine and topped off with a magnificent berry cocktail. These Swedes sure know how to live. As much as I was enjoying dragging myself out of the hobo-like world of the backpacker and basking for a while in such distinguished, aristocratic surrounds, I was also looking forward to the moment when we headed out to experience the sights and sounds of Stockholm by night.
Ahberg had whet my appetite for the adventure by showing me the website www.stureplan.se which documents the city's nightlife (well worth a look I might add - just for the pictures), so I was expecting nothing else but wall to wall beauties. Even accounting for my extraordinarily high expectations, I was far from disappointed. Not only are the Swedish women beautiful but they are also very friendly and, best of all, they all understand and speak English. With no language barrier to contend with, I was confident that I could make a few friends that night. Hopefully a close friend also.
Soon after moving on from the first bar to somewhere more lively we met two girls, a Norwegian and a Botswanan called Mette and Lyllian (I never realised Stockholm was
so cosmopolitan). Unfortunately that particular club closed at a crucial point after some dancing and polite small talk, forcing us to move on and find somewhere else to keep the night alive. We found the place we were after, and were glad to see that the girls had followed us to our new haunt. I imagine that what transpired next is likely to be a once in a lifetime experience. Lost in the magic of the moment on the dancefloor, I leaned in for a kiss. After all the cheeky flirting that had been going on I must admit I was astonished when Mette pulled away. I was far more astonished when she told me the reason (and I quote) "you just want me because of my country's (Norway's) oil wealth."
This wasn't an old chestnut like "I only like you as a friend" or "I have a boyfriend". Never before have I been knocked back on the grounds that I wanted to exploit the natural resources of a girl's country. As you might imagine I was completely bewildered, perhaps even perplexed. As the confusion began to subside and I regathered my thoughts I realised however that this one
wasn't over, not by a long shot. I had a few aces up my sleeve and intended to play them all.
Drawing on the last reserves of my battered confidence, I launched into a lengthy and empassioned pitch revolving around Australia's vast deposits of coal, natural gas and uranium. In my blistering counter-offensive I stopped short of openly accusing her of only dancing with me for my own country's natural gifts, but the implication was clear. When the dust settled, I had her convinced that just like Norway, Australia too is a major player in global energy markets. In the end I'm not sure whether I had presented a very compelling case, or she had simply heard enough about our massive natural gas export contract with China, but the desired result was achieved. We may be living in the age of global warming and such discussion may therefore not be so politically correct, but it is amazing how far a little hot air will get you on a dancefloor.
The late night and intellectual strain of it all left me feeling very dusty the following day. Ahberg was feeling the pinch also, but with less justification. Although I
did at one stage hear Botswana's diamond mines bandied about the previous night, his quarry had proven far less elusive. We ended up spending much of the day watching Michael Douglas and Tom Cruise classics from the late 80's and early 90's, such as Wall Street and Cocktail. I knew I had two days up my sleeve to see the sights of Stockholm so had no qualms in writing the day off.
With Ahberg off at work the next two days I explored the city on my lonesome. As it is set on fourteen islands, there seems to be water everywhere which makes for some truly magnificent scenes. Particularly nice was the area around the Parliament building (which is located on its own island) and the Royal Palace, just across the water. Spending as much time travelling as I have been I find that I can quite easily become 'museumed out', and therefore decided to just pick one. Seduced by its global reputation, I chose the Nobel Museum and I must say I was rather disappointed. Rather than just a ton of pictures of every Nobel Laureate in history, I would have rathered a bit more of a commentary
Stockholm Swan
The Royal Palace in Stockholm on why they won their award. I was particularly interested to find out how making millions of dollars off a widely discredited movie about environmental science qualified Al Gore for this year's Nobel Peace Prize. Even the guide who was showing us around the museum seemed embarrassed with the selection. I did however enjoy listening to Martin Luther King's acceptance speech for the 1964 Nobel Peace Prize - surely one of the truly great speeches of the 20th Century in a field of strong contenders.
The final sightseeing stop was the Olympic Stadium from the 1912 Games. Though it was one of the most beautiful structures I have ever seen, I couldn't help but be amazed at the size of it. It would struggle to hold more people than Victoria Park in its hey day. Apparently it is still used for Swedish League soccer and other sporting fixtures, and it was heartwarming to see that rather than tear it down and replace it with a state of the art stadium with a retractable roof, it has been immaculately maintained in original condition. It was a great note to finish on before moving on to another new country in Poland.
A grand entrance
The back of the Royal Palace As my plane departed I made a mental note to thoroughly research Poland's natural wealth before speaking to any women there.
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