Magaluf - Pullin' Triggers

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Saturday - Pullin’ Triggers

I’ve had a reasonable night’s sleep! I woke up a couple of times in the night and everywhere was quiet!! No noise outside the hotel and nobody running up and down the corridors. Weird!! Perhaps it’s really early and the partying hasn’t started yet? I begin to worry that the world has ended because there is no noise. Apparently, though, we were disturbed a few times and Henry had to get up to answer the door but I slept through it. Here’s a handy tip for anyone going to Magaluf and wanting an early night - don’t stay in the room next to the lift. All the drunks fall out of the lift and try to get in through the first door they see.
The Old Farts are first up at about 9:30.

Unfortunately for Mark who has arrived during the night and been out partying with the rest, they have put him in the same room as the 3 Old Farts (after all, he is nearly 30!!) and he has to wake up at 9:30 too. There’s no sign of life anywhere in the hotel, nobody has even bothered to put their towel on a sunbed. The first signs of life are at about 10 a.m. One of the stag parties makes it down to the pool and they are wearing mankinis!! One particular member of the group is rather overweight and very hairy and really does stand out in his lime green mankini. I think I must have still been quite drowsy because normally in that situation I would be racing towards the pool with all my cameras. You’ll have to conjure up your own image of him!

We spend a rather quiet morning by the pool. The other members of our group appear at various times of the day and disappear at various times of the day to go for a lie down. We take a stroll down to the beach and stop in a bar to drink some beers. Here I learn my new phrase for the day - “pullin’ triggers”. I don’t really know what this means but apparently a lot of us have been pulling triggers today. It seems to me that everyone is just a little hung over and hasn’t really woken up yet and I don’t see too many triggers being pulled.

The plan is to find a bar to watch the England-Slovenia match in. I decide to miss out on this and sneak off back to the hotel for a light snooze. I plan to stay out as long as everyone else tonight so I cheat by getting some sleep beforehand.

Magaluf is still very busy at night considering it’s the end of the holiday season. There are a lot of hen and stag parties in town with everybody in their Magaluf ’09 T-shirt or some imaginative costumes - I expect the stag and hen parties will keep coming all year round. In the part of Magaluf we’re in the only language seems to be English. The bars all have English names and all the drunks in the street are slurring their words in English. We certainly don’t hear any Spanish, or other European languages for that matter. Dave, who seems to be the expert on all things Magaluf, thinks that other European nationalities go to other parts of town and that the authorities try to keep them all separate. Everyone is very drunk but everyone is enjoying themselves. I don’t get that feeling that you get in a lot of British towns that a fight will start somewhere at any minute. People just seem to be happy and looking to enjoy themselves.

We aim to have one drink in as many bars as possible. The group seem to prefer the bars to the clubs and don’t seem to like their music too loud - perhaps they’re getting old too! This suits me though. I think I’d rather be pullin’ triggers in the bars than cuttin’ shapes and bustin’ moves in the clubs. Mick and I are drinking old-fashioned fizzy lager rather than the Vodka/Red Bull mix that keeps the younger ones going - but it reaches 2 a.m. and we are still awake. And we are still going at 3 a.m.!!! 4 a.m. arrives and we are still standing and the bars are closing. RESULT!!! We’ve stayed up longer than Magaluf!

All we need now to finish off the evening is a kebab! We decide to go up-market, though, and Dave takes us to a vendor selling trays of Chinese food at €5 a time. Dave seems to know the vendor and refers to him as Mr Nakamura but he doesn’t seem to get offended, in fact when we are in his restaurant the next day he joins us and spends a lot of time swapping i-phone apps with Ryan. Dave negotiates a €3 under-the-counter “special” for us and we fill up on Chinese food. It may not be a kebab, but at least we’re getting lots of monosodium glutamate.

Richard, the groom, has been drinking for 15 hours but seems to be the most sensible amongst us and the one most in control of the situation. He entrusts me with getting Mick and Dave safely back to the hotel. I fail miserably!! They stagger off while I’m trying to sort out whether everyone has a room key for when we get back to the hotel and I’m left trying to catch up with them as they’ve wandered off down Prostitute Street in the direction of the hotel.

The girls are all African and some of them seem very very young. How do they get here? I guess they come by the same route as the Lucky Lucky Men. The Lucky Lucky Men are the African guys who sell the fake watches and sunglasses. We meet them every year in Gran Canaria and sometimes have a laugh with them and I assume they work most of the Spanish resorts. I’ve never come across this many girls in any other resort, though. There must be a market for them in Magaluf. They seem to be less tolerated than the Lucky Lucky Men, though - they disappear very quickly whenever they spot the local police. I wonder if the girls know what they are coming to when they leave home? Is giving out blow-jobs to tourists who are completely drunk and incapable really better than whatever life they’ve left behind? I eavesdrop on a conversation and hear a price of €20 being negotiated - I don’t know what for and I don’t want to slow down too much in case they think I’m showing interest! The girls are very pushy and very aggressive - yesterday one of our group had given one of the girls €2 to leave him alone.

I get back to the hotel and, of course, Mick and Dave are already there. They found their way back to the right room at the right hotel without any problems. Happy endings all round!

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Photos

... And 4 a.m.
And Magaluf is closing down

Comments

[TonyandAnita]

Are you starting to look more youthful or have you had the photos airbrushed. I think all you oms need a good yearly dose of "lads away stag bisbehavin abroad" to maintain your identity.