Chastened but VICTORIOUS

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The tile of this post is 'Chastened but victorious...' Yes, I have learnt that I am not actually the Empress of the Universe in disguise. Although I am a dab hand at imperiousness. The past 3 years have humbled me (in part, and poorly) as I came to grips with large internal emotional forces....desperation, depression, dejection, despair...i tried to look up why all these words seem to involve de but my own original explanation is that it stands for Germany (De.) after all everyone knows they are masters of angst. But like a tardy prophet I am finally risen.

Today I look in the mirror and say 'You deserve (another de word) to be happy'...this may seem like a simple concept enough concept but it was not one that I had mastered previously...Of course I also say 'You can forget plucking those grays they are springing up faster than jihadis'..... and also 'Definitely a full length mirror is not a wise investment at this time' and when all else fails....'You have a biutiful (I love JB)....I then insert one of the following as necessary...smile...earlobe...mole....pore...proton....neutrino...dark matter (perhaps that is going too far?)...as you can tell avoidance of the big picture is the name of the game.

Have I told you how much I love my life? I love what I have made of it so far and feel the excitement of the future trembling within me. I am accused of being a workaholic and many have intimated that this is the reason for the demise of my relationship(s) but truth be told that's not it. I am a lifeaholic, I want to absorb, share, experience, immerse, dictate, demand, delight (where did these damn de words come from? Are the Germans getting HAPPY? Clap your hands Pharell) every moment of every day. Shout from the rooftops, I am alive! I have made a mess of many things, motherhood, siblinghood, daughterhood, girlfriendhood, adulthood....but I am at home in alivehood, curiousityhood and laughterhood. I will continue to create my own reality because I am good at it. My sister Jackie said..."Rhonda lives in her own world" (to be disarmingly honest at the time I was taken aback and felt this was a criticism but then I thought.. "who else's world should I live in?"). I edit, enhance and collate at will...This brief life a thing to be treasured, inaccurately if needs drive.



I celebrate my abrasiveness...sandpapering life into something more beautiful. It is the only revenge.



xxxx

love to my friends, a pox to my enemies, a yawn to all others

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