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Published: January 30th 2007
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The window display of the sports bar where we met Fritz.Amsterdam: The city that epitomizes all of the Netherlands and both confirms and rejects all preconceived ideas about the country.
You know what I mean.
Looking back, I realize how fitting it was that I visited Amsterdam during my last year as a teenager/my last year of excusable immaturity/"the year of the crunk" (according to Kyle.)
Amsterdam does not disappoint.
We arrived in Amsterdam around 10pm on Friday night. On the train I realized that I had forgotten my ATM card and only had 45 Euro for the weekend. At first I panicked, but I soon realized how much there is to do without spending a lot of money.
Laura, Nicole and I had to find the hotel. (Meaghan had arrived earlier in the day and was eagerly awaiting our arrival.) Basically, we hitchhiked a tram car (it's so easy to not pay) and asked around to find out which stop to get off at. I know it sounds simple, but we were so proud of ourselves for being able to get from Amsterdam to the outskirts of town for free.
Once we met up we went out. There wasn't a whole lot to do
Fritz
Me and Fritz. Note the uncomfortable smile. around the hotel so we went to the closest bar.
Unfortunately, this bar was an all male sports bar. They were even playing a Bruce Willis movie. And they had some lovely window decorations.
Four girls (american girls at that) walk into a bar... it wasn't long before we were being hit on.
Unfortunately, it was by a severely intoxicated 70ish year old gentlemen named Fritz. It was cute when he bought us the first round of beers and tried out his English on us from the bar. But once he came to sit with us and bought us our second round, things started to get a little crazy. As he continued to remind us, English was not his first language. This was especially apparent when he would ramble on and on in slurred Dutch until someone from the bar came over and reminded him to speak English. He'd speak it for a little while and then it was right back into Dutch. He kept asking us if we were married and had kids. To which we responded with a very loud and forceful, "NO!" And he thought I was the oldest. I'm actually the youngest of
the group.
We drank the rest of our beers as fast as we could, took a couple pictures with Fritz and ran out of the bar. Pretty soon we were laughing. A little drunk. A little shaken. And very confused. We weren't really laughing at Fritz. Just at the situation.
The next day we woke up early to go to the Anne Frank house. I'm glad I went just to say I've been but, honestly, the whole thing was way to commercialized and stripped down. I wanted to really get a sense of the place and the people. It felt too much like a museum and not like a place that people once lived in.
We needed a pick-me-up after that. And what better way to forget about the holocaust than french fries? Or 'frites' as they're called here. The man working the stand was really cool. He had travelled around Boston and along the eastern coast of the U.S. so he was sort of familiar with where we're from.
We also visited the "Homomonument." Actually, we kind of stumbled upon it. It was between the Anne Frank house and the Frite stand. Basically, it's three
pink-ish stone triangles. The last one makes a dock on the canal. I thought it would be a good idea to get a picture of me on the Homomonument for my gays back home. I ran out to the tip of it and slipped and almost fell off into the canal. If that's not a sign, I don't know what is. I felt a little like Bette Midler while taking these. Something about the monument, I don't know.
Next stop was the Red Light District. If you don't have to, don't EVER go there. We went in the middle of the day and it was still disgusting. It made me feel physically ill. Not just the prostitution but the way the whole street is just so shady and run down and mean-feeling.
Not to mention the woman who attacked me.
Okay, so it was one of those awkward walking situations that I seem to find myself in far too often. She was crossing in front of me and rather than being a jerk, I stopped and said, "Go ahead." She shot me the dirtiest look and mockingly said, "Go ahead. Stupid American!" And she went off
Homomonument
Made me do a double take down the alley mumbling and ranting to herself. She reminded me of one of the homeless people in Boston only Dutch and violent. Just when we thought we had gotten away from her, she caught us again on the street. Meaghan, being allergic to pot, was wearing a surgeons mask to protect her from the fumes. We drew a handle-bar moustache on it to be silly. Well, the crazy dutch lady didn't like this too much. When she saw us she came up to me and said, "You are a stupid bitch! But she is a more stupid bitch! You should be riding bicycles!" And then she stormed away. I'm not really sure what bicycles had to do with the whole situation but we had had more than enough of that part of town.
We wandered away looking for somewhere cool to go and ended up walking into a little shop where Laura and I bought our infamous Stoner Hats.
While we were trying them on, a little bald british man with a walking stick came in. He knew the owner of the shop and we ended up talking to him. His name is James. He's
Homomonument 2
Me on the homomonument a buddhist, former hippie ("My hair used to be down to here when I came to Amsterdam in '69") and he took it upon himself to be our official tour guide.
"Do you smoke?"
We glanced at each other and embarassingly admitted, "Yeah.."
"Well, I know a lovely little coffee shoppe called Siberie. Here, I'll take you there now and buy you a drink."
He led us through the heart of Amsterdam, past Amsterdam Centraal and, with his walking stick, taught us how to cross the street and not get hit by a car, tram or bike. Believe me, it's harder than it sounds. He explained to us as we walked the historical significance of the architecture and the street names. He told us about how he loves Van Gogh. Later, when I was not in my right mind, I said some very stupid sounding things praising Van Gogh. I was a little embarassed by how dumb I was.
He dropped us off at Siberie and went on his way. He did stop by later for a second to check and see how we liked it. But he didn't stay long.
Siberie was very relaxed and clean and unthreatening. So many of the coffeeshoppes in Amsterdam are either chains (like Cheech and Chongs) or are definite tourist traps. But Siberie reminded me of a place on Park Ave. in Rochester. Except, a few differences in the menu, if you get my drift.
We sat for a while drinking hot chocolate and enjoying ourselves. We watched the rain come in go (it doesn't take too long around here) and then we went outside and took photographs. Everything was so light. The sun had come out. It felt like spring. Green and light blue and gold. We walked around for a long time. Stopped at an Italian restaurant for pizza and soup. Then a bar for a pit-stop and a drink. We decided in the bar that we were all exhausted. So, we went back to the hotel (not before stopping at a convenience store to pick up what can only be called a Chocolate Loaf, some chips, and candy bars.) Then we fell asleep for a couple hours and got ready to go out.
Dinner was more frites (and of course the junk I ate before sleeping). It's hard when
you're a vegetarian and all the menus are in Dutch.
At around 10pm we met up with Laura and Dan. From there we coffee shoppe hopped. I enjoyed one place called Rokery (I made Meaghan steal a coaster for me so I'd remember the name). I wanted to stay there but we kept moving.
I remember at one point (I'm not exactly sure when) Laura leaned over to me and said, in the best Cameron voice I've heard, "Katie Mueller you're my heeeerroo." That made me laugh a lot.
Next we went to The Doors. A Doors themed coffee shoppe. DON'T GO THERE! It was so lame and touristy and loud. Plus there wasn't anywhere to sit down. At that point I just wanted to sit and stare at the pretty wall in Rokery. Fortunately we didn't stay at the Doors for too long. We settled at a cozy coffee shoppe that was more like a U.S. coffee shop. Except they had cats running around. That's one thing I've noticed about Europe. Cats are EVERYWHERE. Monge (Nicole) tamed one of them. and I let them play with the tassels on my hat.
Another thing I saw
The Doors
Don't like the band, didn't like the coffee shoppe was men peeing into the canal. Apparently this is okay. I'm just thankful that I didn't fall in.
On the walk home we stopped and ate waffles at this little bakery that was open at 2am. That, my friends, is a beautiful thing.
We heard some of the weirdest techno I've ever heard (cause it was Dutch). My favorite was this one song that was a basic techno beat and then a woman saying over and over, "I can't stop touching myself."
(Um, maybe you should get that checked out?)
We took a really pimped-out taxi back. They don't drive crappy cars in Amsterdam. We're talking BMWs, Mercedes... It was craaazy. Amsterdam is basically Boston on crack.
After that we all passed out. And it was gooooood.
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FREAKIN' GENIUS
I love you katie Mueller