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Published: April 9th 2006
Azure Window
Look at those white legs!Matt:
Since arriving in the UK, I have been surprisingly healthy. While Ed has been battling constant colds and a minor bout of pneumonia, I have mocked his weak constitution and told him that my strong European genes made me better suited to living in cold and wet places.
And so it was probably karma when found myself waking up on the morning that we were due to leave for Malta with an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach. The night before I had arrived home late from work and picked up a pizza. Unfortunately our local pizzeria, although making great tasting food, doesn’t have the best hygiene standards and has left us with a queasy feeling the last couple of times we’ve eaten there. I decided to play Russian Roulette with my intestines and it seemed that I was now paying the consequences!
The most annoying part of the whole thing was that Ed was fine! Although eating as much (if not more!) of the poisoned pizza as me, he unfairly woke up feeling fab! It seems that although we Europeans are built to withstand the cold and rain, those South Americans have stomachs of
Maltese bus
They love Jesus (and sexy girls) steel!
Ignoring the stomach contractions (which were at 30 minute intervals), we headed out early in the morning bound for Gatwick and our flight to Malta.
Our flight with BA was pretty uneventful. Apart from a couple of passengers ordering double scotch and Cokes at 7.30am, the most surprising thing was seeing how small Malta is from the air! The country is tiny - just three little specks in the middle of the Mediterranean. In fact it is so small that the airport’s runway stretches pretty much coast to coast!
To tell the truth, despite growing up in Sydney’s west surrounded by Maltese, I didn’t really know much about the country. In the weeks leading up to our trip I’d had a few conversations with a couple of Maltese mates (thanks Wayne!) and a quick read of the four pages in Lonely Planet dedicated to the islands, but I still didn’t really know what to expect. And so after landing, we headed to the tourist office at the airport and spoke to a round little Maltese woman behind the counter who loaded us up with maps and brochures patted us on the back, pointed us in the
Valetta architecture
Every street corner is a photo op! direction of the taxi rank and said that we were about to have a fantastic time. It was all very reassuring!
Our hotel - the San Marina - was in St Julian’s, a beachside suburb around 5kms from the capital, Valetta. As our cab pulled up at the palatial reception area, I knew that I had done well booking this one - it was right on the water, had a marble foyer the size of the Taj Mahal and the staff wore tophats, jackets and bowties - real classy! After arriving at reception however, we were told that we had been upgraded free of charge to the sister hotel - the San Gorg - which was up the road.
Normally the words ‘free’ and ‘upgrade’ in the same sentence would have sent alarm bells ringing. Unfortunately, by this stage my contractions were at 20 minutes and all I wanted a quiet bathroom to sit and feel sorry for myself in. We got into the free cab (there’s that word again!) and drove up to our new digs.
The San Gorg will be more spectacular and impressive than its smaller sister. That is, when it is completed in
September 2007! Unfortunately, our friendly receptionist forgot to tell us that the sister hotel was still under construction. In order to get to our room, we had to walk through the temporary reception area (picture a builder’s shed with better lighting), go down one level in a lift, walk across the restaurant area and through the hair salon, take another lift up three levels and walk down a maze of corridors! I wouldn’t have minded that much except for the whole food poisoning thing - I just made it to the security of our bathroom in time!
Eventually, after what felt like hours, I emerged exhausted and we headed into Valetta on the bus. The buses in Malta are great! Most are between 40 and 50 years old, but are kept in amazing condition. Although all painted yellow and orange on the outside, the interiors are individually decorated - most are blazoned with a religious proclamation (Although ‘I Love Jesus’ seems to be the most popular, I did see one with ‘I Love Sexy Girls’) and have streamers and flags on the front. Very kewl!
After a 20 minute trip we arrived in the capital. Valetta is one
Ed and Valetta
He kinda looks like a local, doesn't he? of those cities where you could easily get an RSI injury in your clicking finger from taking so many photos! Pretty much every major power in history has invaded the city at some point in time and each has left their mark on the town; the architecture ranges from Turkish in some areas, to French, British and German in others. What’s more, the city is built on a rocky cliff face that falls away into a spectacularly blue harbour. Even this sick Sydneysider was impressed!
First up we called in at the spectacular St John’s Cathedral, an enormous high-baroque church decorated with marble inlaid floors and walls and ceilings covered in mosaics and carvings. We then went for a walk around the amazing streets before the poisoned pizza from the previous night got the better of me and I fled home.
After trying to catch a cab for 20 minutes we ended up hopping on a bus and making it home. We ended up making it back to our half-complete hotel and I crashed in a heap for the rest of the night.
The following day and feeling a little better after my 14 hours of sleep,
Ha!
Those un-PC Maltese crack me up! we decided to head to Gozo, which is the smaller of two main islands that make up the country. We caught another museum-worthy antique bus to the port on the north of the island and boarded the ferry for the 45 minute trip.
After arriving at Gozo we rented a jeep from another round Maltese woman who sold plastic souvenir goats from a shed near the port and headed off to tour the island.
Now when I said that every power in history had left some mark on Malta’s buildings, driving around Gozo we got the feeling that they had also all left a little piece of bitumen as well. The roads are literally a patchwork quilt of historic potholes and dust, interspersed with the occasional section of tar. It was definitely not the sort of road surface someone that is suffering from food poisoning looks forward to!
Apart from the road surfaces, Gozo was awesome! Our little jeep took us first to Xaghra, a cute town on the north part of the island built around a tree lined square and dominated (like most things in Malta) by an enormous Catholic church. Apart from being totally gorgeous,
the town boasts perhaps the crappiest museum in Europe, built inside an old windmill. While Ed waited outside, I paid the old Maltese guy sitting on a rocking chair at the door to see Malta’s largest collection of rusted bedpans…
On the way out of town, we saw a signpost to something called ‘Ninu’s Cave’. Intrigued, we followed the signs down the back streets and were led to an ordinary looking house with a doorbell. Feeling a bit like Brad and Janet in the Rocky Horror Picture Show, we rang the bell half expecting a hunchbacked butler to greet us. Instead we were met by an ancient hunchbacked Maltese women with a walking frame who led us through her lounge room and into the kitchen and launched into a well rehearsed script about the ‘famous’ Ninu’s Cave.
It turns out that one day in the early 1800’s, an obviously thirsty Ninu was digging for water when he came across a network of limestone caves. Forever the opportunist, Ninu immediately built a house over the entrance and started opening the place up for tours. I guess he had a grand vision of turning the place into Gozo’s answer to
Jenolean…
After finishing her history lesson, the old woman motioned towards a set of stairs at the back of the kitchen that descended into blackness. Although we half expected her to hobble down the stairs and give us the tour herself, she sent us down on our own with instructions to ‘switch the light off on the way back up’. The caves were impressive, even if the whole experience was a tad surreal.
Next on the itinerary was a visit to the temple of Ggantija, a set of 5,500 year old ruins that are credited as being the oldest free-standing structures in the world. Although pretty remarkable, you had to use your imagination to get the full picture.
We then headed off to the Western part of the island and visited the Azure Window, a massive natural stone bridge that was very wow!
Frome there we drove to a set of 200 year old salt pans where I met George, a local that looked old enough to have been involved in their construction. Although blessed with just three teeth, George managed to tell me that the pans had been in his family for a hundred years.
Unfortunately, they were no longer productive because salt could be bought cheaply from Australia. I joined him in cursing Saxa Table Salt in my best fake German accent and quickly left the area.
The remainder of our time on Gozo was spent crisscrossing the island, visiting the main city, Victoria and thrashing the hell out of our jeep’s suspension.
The next day we decided to try our hand at diving and so headed down to the local school for a quick lesson. For anyone that hasn’t been diving before, shut down your computer now and head for the nearest ocean! Our Russian guide, Sveta led us around several underwater ravines where we saw tons of morays, starfish and octopus and coral. It was amazing!
Next we hired the smallest (and most embarrassing) car in Malta and headed off to search the main island. First on the list was the ferry port again to catch a launch to the Blue Lagoon on Comino, a tiny island halfway to Gozo.
Although its name conjures up images of a half naked Brooke Shields (yuk!) running around an island with a fully naked Christopher Atkins (hmm!), the Maltese version of
Our Jeep
(Accidently shot in B&W) Don't I look like some war correspondent? the Blue Lagoon is stunning. It’s actually a quiet little bay enclosed by rocky cliffs that totally live up to its name - it is filled with pure blue water. Ed and I found a sandy strip and spent the rest of the afternoon sizzling and recharging our Vitamin D batteries.
After returning to Malta, the rest of the day was spent exploring the rest of the island. We visited the old city of Rabat, known as being the resting place of St John and went driving along the south coast. We then headed back to Valetta for a quick bite to eat before driving to the airport for our flight home.
And this is where our Maltese experience ends - or rather was supposed to end. Unfortunately after checking in our bags, we were told that our flight home (which was not due to depart until 11.30pm) had been delayed by a further four hours. I quickly did the math and worked out that the delay meant that we would now not be arriving back into Gatwick until 5am the following morning. I also worked out that after travelling home, I would only have enough time for
Ed...
...and some random stunning valley on Gozo a two hours sleep before getting up and heading to work for a 9am meeting.
I have never been that good at maths - I actually ended up getting 40 minutes sleep!
Despite the lack of sleep, the stomach contractions and the potholes, we had an awesome time in Malta. Although just three specks in the middle of the Med, the country is crammed with heaps of sights, amazing food and great people! We hope to be able to make it back soon!
Anywho - hope all is going well back home. The weather in London is slowly improving, the place is beginning to look a bit greener and we can feel summer just around the corner.
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Elaine McCarron
non-member comment
Fantastic Photo's
Wow, Malta does look stunning. Why would people want to leave. Oh and Matthew you do look very slim in all the photo's. I think I will have to visit that pizza place when I visit. Leaves Jenny Craig for dead. Love Mum