Rome

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The next stop in our adventure was Rome: Italy’s former capital, and the ancient capital of the Roman Empire. Our first night in Rome consisted of an intense hiking trek that was cut short because we were, for lack of better words, tired as fuck (more on this in the next paragraph). The first thing we realized while in Rome was that Spain (specifically Barcelona) was far easier to navigate. Everything was close together and the metros were really easy to figure out. Rome, not so much. For starters, Rome consists of several one way streets, or one ways that require, oddly enough, a Michigan left, whereby they become one way streets with two way traffic (at least that’s how they felt while we were walking). Another point we observed early on: traffic rules don’t really apply to Romans. Red lights are optional, and the going rate is 2 euro’s per tourist hit (5 for Germans).

We pulled into the train station around 11 pm, and thanks to a really awesome, (albeit elderly) roman couple, we were able to get off on the correct stop. This is another thing we noticed while in Rome. Despite Roman traffic laws, the people couldn’t have been friendlier. Everyone that we asked for directions, and advice on love, helped us with a smile. After arriving at our stop, we decided to continue our cheap streak and not spend money on a cab. We were on the same street as our hostel, so we figured it couldn’t be that hard to find (or miss: it was a camping village after all). We were so horribly wrong. I think we walked for a good 2 miles before realizing street numbers were both ascending, and descending (pretty randomly to be honest). After finally accepting the fact that we were man (most of us) and not machine, we cabbed it to our hostel. Thank god we did, because it was at least another 4-5 miles from where we stopped. Did I mention we had our oversized bags with us the whole time? Unfortunately for us, this cab ride would be one in a series that would anally rape our Roman Budget.

We arrived at our hostel and found the staff friendly, but completely useless. They essentially knew nothing of Roman nightlife, cheap (even good) places to eat, or attractions besides the obvious. I was disappointed, given that it was a camping village and catered to a predominantly student clientele (although we saw some interesting oldies cutting lose on the dance floor). The good thing about our hostel was that it was pretty close to the Vatican, and had a grocery store, restaurant, and bar/club. The bad thing, our rooms were glorified tents. Now, in keeping with our general spirit of optimism, this wasn’t entirely bad. It was cool seeing students from across the world chilling outside, grilling etc. It’s just Italy is a bit finicky when it comes to weather. Some days she’s feeling pretty generous, and will give you high 70’s throughout the day and well into the night. However during our 2 nights it must’ve been her time of the month, because right around 11-12 at night, temperature would drop to the low 60’s. This was a bit frustrating because the tents weren’t insulated well, and I had to leave my pajama’s in Barcelona ( I spilled orange juice on myself, go figure). So, shivering in my boxers and thin linen sheets (if you want to call them that), I bid Rome its first goodnight.

Vatican Tour

Hands down, my favorite part of Rome. We began the day by missing our shuttle (thought it was going all day from our hostel, turns out it took a break from 11 to 1). Our tour started at 1, and we needed to be at our tour company’s office by 12:30. So we sucked it up and took another cab. We checked in at 12:30 and chilled by the front office, admiring the other tourists and fanny packers wanting to see the Vatican. Finally at 1 pm, our tour guide shows up and leads us on our way to more adventure.

We began our tour by entering the museum alongside St. Peter’s Basilica. Our tour guide Agnes was incredible, and it was obvious she knew her shit. We went from exhibit to exhibit, admiring everything from ancient Greek sculptures, to renaissance art. This part of the tour, my favorite would have to be the Lacoon Sculpture. It’s a sculpture of the head priest of troy, as he and his sons battle sea serpents sent from Athena. In the story, he tries to warn the Trojan king of Odysseus’s trickery, but Athena, favoring the Greeks, sends sea serpents to kill him and his sons. The statue is fucking gorgeous, and our poetic tour guide described how “he’s fighting with every atom of his being: from the grimace in his face, to the flexing of his toes”. When observing the statue, you notice it as well; it truly looks as though he’s fighting for dear life. Honestly a gorgeous statue, and incredibly moving (hahaha)

Sistine Chapel

This was just fucking cool. I mean, we visited the pope’s personal chapel. I don’t know if there’s anything more that can be said about Michelangelo’s work. None of us are poets, and we aren’t super familiar with the history behind the chapel’s construction. The only part I remember distinctly was how long it took to build. It was commissioned by one pope and fully finished some 100 years later. God, Europeans are the world’s most successful procrastinators (see our Barcelona entry regarding the Sagrada Familia). After we admired the chapel itself, we walked down a hallway and saw some priests go through a door. Naturally, we stuck our heads in and saw down the hallway the pope uses to travel between his office and the Sistine chapel (I think…it’s for sure designed to connect him from some part of the building to the chapel). This was also fucking cool.

St. Peters Basilica

This was our favorite part of the entire tour. The very first church in Christendom, built on the spot where St. Peter was buried. Effectively, St. Peter was the first Pope and was poetically given the keys to the kingdom of heaven from Jesus. A picture’s worth a thousand words, and with that I’ll leave you to check out some of the sweet ones we took.

After visiting the inside, we decided to climb to the very top, all 541 steps. There was an option to take the lift halfway, and climb the other half, but we didn’t come to Europe to half ass anything. Again, in conforming to our adventurous and optimistic attitude, we got a free workout (and an amazing view, see pictures). You can essentially see all of Rome from the very top.


After our tour, we were beyond hungry and needed to find some food pronto. As we started to leave, we caught sight of something quite peculiar. It seemed an Indian family was on vacation in Italy, and was deciding what to do next. Pretty normal, except this “family” was more like the entire population of India. There were so many people in this family they used numbers instead of names. No joke. As we walked passed, we heard the patriarch shout,
“16?”
and saw a dark little hand shoot up in response.

Anway, in our continued search for food, we came across a tiny pizza joint tucked away just outside Vatican City. It was five euro’s for an entire pizza, so we decided to stay. Hands down, one of the most delicious pizza’s I’ve ever eaten. In my entire fucking life. Zuni, Lopez, and me had this vegetarian pizza with oregano, olive oil, mozzarella cheese (and cheese balls), topped with fresh cut baby tomatoes that were deliciously sweet. All for 5 Euros! If you’re in Rome, you must visit this pizzeria immediately (here’s a picture).

Well fed, we (again) took a cab back to our hostel and promptly P.T.F.O’d.

Coliseum, Ancient Rome, and a night sight seeing

The Coliseum:
The Coliseum is probably the second most visited attraction in Rome, and upon seeing it, rightfully so. This thing is pretty massive, and when looking down onto the stadium floor, you can imagine what it was like for ancient Romans to watch the games. The coolest part about our time at the Coliseum would have to be our tour guide. This guy had no clue what the fuck he was talking about, but loved picking on American/Canadian tourists. He’d give us a fun fact from his giant tour guide handbook, and follow it up with a funny, although misogynistic comment. We know what the Roman attitude towards women was (at that time at least), and our tour guide never let us forget. His catch phrase was “fiki-fiki”, which he used liberally to describe ancient Roman promiscuity: the top most row was where the women were required to sit, and coincidentally (or not so, really) was called the row of fornication. The coliseum was free for all roman citizens, who were also given free food. Free sport, food, and sex (not necessarily in that order). Not a bad deal. Really wish we had gotten this clown’s name, but it must’ve gotten lost with the rest of his bullshit. Anyway, the Ancient Rome tour was, in my opinion, much cooler.

Ancient Rome:
Our tour for ancient Rome was actually complementary from the company we used. Our tour guide, Jill, was amazing, and definitely new what she was talking about. We reviewed Rome’s history both factual, and legendary (Romulus and Remus). We learned how Rome’s pretty much made up of seven hills, and went on a tour of the ancient Palatine. We pretty much went through the emperor’s palace, and saw areas such as procession rooms/walkways, and gardens. Not much clowning around here, just a really awesome history lesson (see photos).

Sight Seeing Adventure:
After our ancient tour, we went back to the hostel and were a bit let down with what Rome had to offer at night (hostel staff recommended a street decently known for its nightlife, but because it was a Tuesday, was incredibly slow. The one hot night club we saw had a ridiculously long line that none of us wanted to wait in). So, we decided to cram in as many other attractions/sight as we possibly could: in one night. We began our adventure with a bus ride (no cab!) to some rando piazza, and began our hunt for the pantheon. We checked out some local shops, and generally just enjoyed seeing Rome at night (far fewer tourists). See Pictures.

We arrived at the Pantheon and saw a bunch of students chilling out on the steps of the fountain. The pantheon is fucking huge. Bottom line. Stand next to a pillar and you know how Zuni feels next to an average sized adult (or large child). Actually, fun fact, the average size for an ancient Roman man was around 5 foot. So Caesar, who was 5’8, was considered a giant. In the ancient world, size apparently mattered because it was offered as proof for his divine right to rule.

We continued our adventure to the Fontana de Trevi, and along the way, got lost, and ran into some skaters. We were pretty excited at first, because it looked like some shit was ‘bout to go down. It wasn’t. Most of what these guys did was pretty lame, and while we tried to feel excited (a few things captured on video were pretty cool), we couldn’t fake it long enough (that’s what she said!).

Upon arriving at the Fontana, we realized how much of a meat fest our group was: there were couples EVERYWHERE. And why not, Rome at night is pretty damn romantic and the Fontana de Trevi is beautiful, and virtually guaranteed to get you laid. We threw some coins in for good luck, and proceeded to the Spanish steps (wish I knew why they were called that, and if they were called that for obvious reasons, why the fuck they were there).

On our way to the steps we got lost (a little), and while I was checking the map, a policeman thought me a tad conspicuous and pulled over. When seeing my Lets Go Europe travel book, he flashed a look of disdain and drove off.

When arrived at the steps, a couple of, you guessed it, German tourists were clowning around in the fountain, at the base of the steps. That’s right, in the fountain. Apparently one of the guys lost something in the fountain, and thought he’d go rummaging through the fountain water to find it. It was his scooter helmet, and he was thoroughly drunk. (see video). After our brief encounter, we noticed, again, how many couples were out (for 3 in the morning). The steps were also very romantic and we all looked at each other with a tad bit of discomfort.

After a long day of traveling, laughing, macking, and groaning, we called it quits for the night and cabbed it home: to our poorly insulated tents. Viva Roma!

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