La Roma!

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''''Hey baby, I think I wanna marryy yooooooouuuuu'' No this wasn't a crazy dream, yes this was Lauren's iPhone alarm belting out some of the charts cheesiest into my ear. It's 3.45AM Friday 9th December 2011.



''Urgghhhh, what time is it?'' I hear with two eyes peering at me over the quilt, its 3.45AM and its time to go get up we've got a bus to catch....... I was first up (as usual) on a non-working day I would have normally been up in a few hours anyway having a good blast of MW3 or a stroll around town. Our bus was set to leave in 30 minutes and the taxi booked for 4.15 and Lauren's speed is more turtle like than ever before whilst I’m just checking one last time, if we have everything.....Case's, passports, tickets, money and more importantly ourselves. Lauren stressing out and still cramming shoes into her hand luggage which is ever increasingly looking more like a full size suitcase bulging at the seams and feels a lot heavier than the 10kg limit, but no matter what i say, shoes come first right!



Bags ready and tickets accounted for and a phone call from the taxi outside and we're ready to go. Lauren not being the liveliest at this hour requests the driver to divert through McDonalds for a coffee and I run out to go get them thinking about the breakfast wrap I already taste, yum yum. Oh how I was wrong, tables full of students a bit worse for wear, shouting and obviously Thursday nights student discount getting the better of them, and we still haven't made breakfast. Big Mac anyone? No thanks. 2 coffees and I’ll be on my way.



Having made the train 10 minutes early, Lauren starts to put her make up on and i look at the map I printed, to try and give us a little heads up when we got there. 4.32AM, still no bus. Hope it isn't much longer as we don't have that much time spare on getting through security and on the plane and it is the law to have a pint at the airport isn't it? Fifteen minutes later it arrives but this bus is possibly the slowest bus I have ever been on. 35 minutes later, we arrive, at Piccadilly. Checking the watch, 5.20AM. OH NO! We fly at 6.05 I don't think we’re going to actually make our flight, what can I do? I cannot let Lauren down on her birthday weekend, do I buy the next flight to anywhere at the airport, but i know inside that her heart is set on Rome. 5.45. We arrive, we don't sit around for anyone on the coach ''sorry'' ''excuse me'' ''sorry again'' we was in a rush to even get through security. Off the coach, grab our bags ''welcome to Terminal One'' We now have the dreaded run to Terminal two! Running at nearly a sprint now, it dawns on me if we were to make this flight, we we're definitely going to be separated as there wouldn’t be many seats left. I keep going, hearing Lauren cursing her wheels on her luggage and we're here, security. ''Please use line number 3'' '' Ok Thanks but there's a big queue here, do you mind if we go to line 4 please, there's no-one there and we are late'' ''That’s not my fault is it?'' . Not a very nice reply, from someone who obviously missed out on the charms school and hit every branch on the way down. Bitch. Never the less, we were determined to get on that flight. I'm through, where's Lauren? BEEP BEEP.... seeing her setting the alarm off! Whilst getting frisked, I nip off to find what gate we were leaving from, we've missed it. No flights on the list for Rome at 6.05. oh no what do I say to Lauren. As i go to check my bag for the tickets, there it is FR4205 - ROME - 6.40AM - Go to Lounge. Hahahahaha. In all the excitement, I'd messed up the times. Phewwww. One pint of Stella and a large glass of rose please while Lauren headed for Comet to get some headphones. I ordered a sausage barm and rested. What a start.



When we heard go to gate for the second time, we decided to go and find the queue, and we didn't have to look long, right outside the bar, a queue that seemed to go on forever. It had to be ours didn't it. Anyway we queued. pint of lager in hand, we waited. Big signs at either side of us ''strictly one piece of hand luggage only'' Lauren being Lauren, had one bulging at the seams hand luggage and also her handbag. I knew they wouldn't let her through, but she tried anyway. ''Excuse me, only one item of hand luggage per person'' This was going to be funny, Handbag inside what is already bursting the seams hand luggage. Sure I saw Lauren jumping on top to squash it in and eventually, it did. We were on the plane, the full plane, only a few seats remained, we found one, together. Happy days. IPhone on and a couple of Heinekens and the flight flew by (haha). It seemed like we was on it for 10 minutes, not the 2.5 hours it did take. Off the plane, quick cigarette and immediately found our coach from Terravision (which we booked beforehand for 8 euros each return) and we we're off again, this time from Ciampino to Station Termini. This journey seemed forever, 40 mins of traffic jams and a little shit behind me kicking my seat, Whilst his Italian dad did nothing to deter him, I could see Lauren getting ready to turn and give a rollicking but then it didn't matter, we was here, in Rome and the weather looked glorious for this time of year and considering we've just left a hurricane behind.



Station Termini: We arrived 40 minutes later and we didn't stop to look around, I had an idea where the hotel was, I'd studied the directions and knew where we was going. 11. 00 Am. We got our bags and got on our way. We we're walking for 10 minutes or so and immediately you could see that Rome was so laid back, a busy city with no-one in a rush like London. People from all over the world here, making a living, selling maps, tours, souvenirs and all sorts of general tat. Lauren insisting I use the map and me insisting that I know where I'm going. We got to a corner and the wheels on Lauren's luggage go the better of her ''JUST LOOK AT THE MAP, YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE, WE'RE LOST''. I knew we we're on the right track and very close, but yes, I didn't exactly know where the Champagne Hotel was. After swapping obscenities for a few moments, we turned the corner. CHAMPAGNE HOTEL in large letters signed down the wall of a massive old looking building just one corner away from my original direction. Certainly not a 4* from the outside and too early to check in, a small ristorante caught our eye, we fancied a slice of pizza so we sat down and took a menu. This is what we didn't want, a full blown menu of meals and deserts, we had to make a getaway, we then settled for what was pizza, after pizza, after pizza, rows and rows, with everything we could wish for, every topping, stuffed crust, stuffed base’s, you name it, they had it. I’ll take the three cheeses, with spinach stuffed base please and I’ll take a Peroni also whilst Lauren opted for the American (ham, sausage and fries) and a Peroni too. The Peroni was delicious, whereas the pizza, not so. It was only 1 euro for the pizza so can’t complain too much, hopefully the pizza gets better here!



We finished our pizza and beers and headed next door to the hotel, a little earlier than stated, but they didn’t mind, the stairs up to reception was all marble, marble pillars lined the doors, it was lovely on the inside, the floors, walls all white marble, statues in all corners, pictures on all walls of various monuments in Rome and a huge mahogany reception. The receptionist was brilliant, very little English but tried his hardest to help us and we managed to make out what he was explaining. He gave us a map and pointed out where we were, and gave us tips on where to go and what to see and wished us all the best on our trip. Breakfast was 7.30 (no chance Lauren) till 10.30 and there we we’re. Room 503. The room was small, double bed, TV a nice clean bathroom and a big wardrobe. We opened the curtains to find wooden shutters covering the window, which we opened to be greeted with the site of the city from the 5^th floor. Stunning views of Italians marching around, tourists looking down into their maps and pointing towards streets signs, scooters zipping around and taxi’s beeping their horns at every opportunity. This was brilliant. We loved it.



A quick freshen up for me, a 25 minute make over, full change, hair extensions in and curled for Lauren and we we’re off to see Rome, wallet and map and we set off. We knew from hotel how to get back to Termini, which was pretty central and all roads led from them to all sites, we decided to head towards Colloseum. After walking with a new spring in our step we we’re both excited to get there, walking down narrow roads with no pavement, taxi’s beeping behind us and Italians grunting when we refused to be bullied from our path. We walked down for 10 minutes and I was already wondering where the hell, something so big could be hiding. We stepped up a little sloped up into a dark alley and walked towards the light at the top and when we got there…..Nothing, nothing at all. Disappointed but not giving up we carried on. Another 5 minutes past we came to Colloseu ristorante on the corner, we must have been close but still no sign of it, and then we turned the corner! There it was, a huge stone stadia, bigger than I ever imagined, this was where Romans fought to their death, it was epic, gigantic, massive I cannot describe the size and we were nowhere near it yet. As we walked closer, I had to joke, as in Barcelona at Nou Camp, Lauren said it was no bigger than The Reebok; I had to mention it wasn’t as big. Yeah right haha. Every step we took, the more it grew. We could sense the history surrounding the place. Thousands of people surrounded it, taking picture after picture. We got close up and was immediately stopped by a guy dressed as a Roman, he was funny, we had a few pictures and had a laugh with him, pretending to stab us and cut off my ‘bits’ and then realized our mistake (or mine). He wanted money for the pictures, I didn’t really mind but the way he did it was something we’d surely have to learn from or our trip could end in costing a fortune for nothing. We left the Colloseum a little bit dejected as the queue to get in was over 2 hours long, we said we’d come back tomorrow and see the tour. We carried on, still getting used to traffic on the opposite side of the road, nearly getting flattened by an Italian mod scooting past on his Honda Vision! Only 5 minutes’ walk in the sunshine (yes December 9^th and sunshine) and we we’re at the Roman Forum, a derelict land with broken columns and pillars fallen over, where lawyers and suits went for discussion back in the day. As we left it was getting thirsty work so we headed down the alleys of Rome to find a nice bar, thinking that cheaper and more authentic places would be hidden. We weren’t walking long when we found a secluded old bar, with lots of Italian workers knocking back espresso like it was endangered so we hopped in and sampled a nice cold Peroni. The walls full of beautiful photos and in the middle a signed AS Roma shirt signed by the man himself, Francesco Totti! Just a few meters down the road, we spotted a small fountain, it was lovely, with turtles on top and I thought to myself, I’ve seen this place before. I was right, the day before we came we watched a documentary about Rome and were to go etc. we turned to see the Bartaruga, a bar which came highly recommended by the narrator of the documentary. The bar, sadly was closed so we headed forward through the Jewish Ghetto, passing bar and café all offering Kosher foods and drinks. Lauren hurting now from walking we needed a shop to get some plasters so we headed towards Campo Di Fiori, I’d planned on taking Lauren here for her first pizza in Rome but our stomachs took over before we had time to get here. We stopped at Despar or as us brits call it Spar and grabbed some plasters and we could already hear what we thought sounded like a market, the hustle and bustle, people shouting prices out in Italian, bartering going on all over. This was brilliant, Olive oils, wines, dried fruits, herbs, spices, beers and toffees. Children were running free and drinking from a fountain in the middle of the street. I had to pull Lauren away as she was headed straight to the pick n mix and had to persuade that we’d go back after dinner. We had a walk around the square, many restaurants offering ‘the best’ pizza Rome had to offer, some full, some empty and some middle. After a couple of laps we decided to stop off at Campo Di Fiori and I decided let Lauren choose the drinks. 2 strawberry daiquiris and they was absolutely amazing! Getting a bit tipsy now, we carried on and headed towards the famous Piazza Nouva where we heard its lovely with rides and stall everywhere but could we find it, could we heck after finding possibly the biggest seagull in the world and 15 more minutes trying to find it we fell into an Irish bar, were I had a pint of Guinness and a packet of bacon fries, Lauren opted for the very Irish ‘Long island iced tea’ and a very strong one it was. Lauren fell through the door leaving after the ‘evil’ iced tea and after being given directions we said we’d try and get back to the Irish bar tomorrow for Real Madrid Vs. Barcelona. Of we went and managed to find Piazza Nouva, bright lights, Ferris wheel, merry go rounds, countless games, street performers, food stalls everywhere, bars all surrounding a massive statue and fountain. It was amazing. We stared around and saw a crowd of people gathering around a guy, dressed as a traffic controller blowing his whistle and acting crazy, waving his arms about. He then asked for a volunteer and I couldn’t help myself. Lauren stood in front of me couldn’t see me jumping up and down pointing down on her, until he saw and headed over, Lauren turned back and caught me giving all I could to get his attention, her expression was a picture, he was coming over and he was definitely heading for Lauren ‘’It’s your birthday, I had too’’ I said giggling away as he took her in the middle of a hundred or so people. Lauren becoming redder than her coat was a picture, as he demanded by blowing his whistle that Lauren copied his every move. Arms straight, hand on hips, arms straight, hand on hips, top up!!! Everyone burst into laughter as the performer pulls his shirt up and blew his whistle louder and louder, lauren had to put her head in her hands to hide the embarrassment, he pulls a gun and threatens to shoot an innocent member of the audience, probably 200 people now while lauren is still hiding in her hands, everyone begins to cheer and clap and her embarrassment is over, a little hug and hand shake and then it’s over. I could see she was going to kill me so before anything is said, ‘’fancy a drink’’ we head to a nearby bar! Situation defused! We decided to head back to Campo Di Fiori and get some food at the bar we had daiquiris in as the food looked gorgeous. We got there and took seats, we ordered a bottle of red wine and black peppered mussels to start and pizza and lasagna to share for main. The wine came along with the mussels and they we’re to die for, perfectly cooked and seasoned, even Lauren thought so as this was the first time she had built up the courage to eat the slimy things. I nipped off to see if I could change some more money, we we’re running short from all the drinks we’d had today but with no luck, it was looking like we we’re walking home after the meal, we didn’t mind, this place is beautiful. An age past, about 45 minutes, we we’re low on wine so we ask the waitress to check our order ‘’I’m sorry, the lads haven’t put your order through’’ gutted, was really looking forward to it, but we didn’t want to stay for another 45 minutes and the offer of bread and oil, wasn’t enough, we paid for the mussels and wine and headed home, looking to pick something up on the way. We we’re walking for about 25 minutes in the direction we thought was correct, I was showing off my map reading skills by cutting eye holes through it and walking around with it on my face, oh how I was wrong, somehow we got turned around and ended up we’re we started. Oh dear, a little drunk I couldn’t get my head round what went wrong. We we’re lost, so we looked for a taxi to take us to Termini. Half way there we ended up on Nazionale, the main road leading to Termini, I knew this so I asked the driver to stop and we’d get out we’re we were, he agreed to a 5 euro fare and so we went on our way, stopping at some steps, sitting at the top, admiring the view and having a quick cigarette. We left hungry and decided on doing what we promised we wouldn’t, but we had been drinking and failed at the ristorante, Burger King it was. Bacon double cheeseburger and a whopper with cheese please. I feel dirty. I’m sorry Rome. We passed a Despar again, so thought we’d carry on drinking back at the hotel, so 4 bottles of Peroni, some kettle chips and pistachio’s will do just fine and we walked back to the hotel in about 15 minutes. Back home, Snow Patrol and The Vaccines blasting out of the iPhone speakers and a bottle of Peroni each but we didn’t last long, all the travelling and walking, eating and drinking had worn us out completely. We both crashed on the bed and slept immediately. What a great day. Night.

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