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Schloss Neuschwanstein
Take one gay prince, add some set designers and a lot of money, stir and poof!Matt:
A lot of my mates in London were surprised when I told them that Ed and I were doing a road trip around Germany over the Easter break. For some reason, the British seem to have a pretty bad opinion of all things German. If you believed them, Germany is a country filled with nothing but humourless BMW drivers who live in dull grey cities and have waning libidos. I guess the whole two wars in one century thing can get you down on a country - even if you did win both!
In fact, faced with a barrage of negative comment about wasting our precious four days off, the main thing I was looking forward to was the black A-Class Mercedes we had booked in advance. And so after arriving at Munich and being told that all the A-Classes had been rented, my lip started quivering as I pictured us driving around flat, boring, asexual Germany for four days in a microscopic Fiat!
Thankfully, the buxom Brunhilde behind the counter (who looked like she could down a dozen steins without raising a sweat) upgraded us two letters to a C Class!
Now I don’t really
Our Merc
(Over four days, we became very close) know much about cars, but I know what I like - and I like the C Class Mercedes! It was big, black and so obviously powerful that we soon realised that it is true what they say about once you go black… :-)
We accelerated rapidly out of Munich and south towards the Swiss border and the Bavarian Alps.
First on our hitlist was Schloss Neuschwanstein, the famous castle that everyone has seen photos of, but no one seems to be able to pronounce. The castle was built by Ludwig II of Bavaria and is testament to what happens when a gay, opera loving prince gets supplied with an enormous state purse and sacks the architects only to employ an army of equally gay set designers. It is perched on top of a mountain that rises from the surrounding plains and is framed by a lake and the Bavarian Alps (you can say what you like about us gays, but we really know how to pick a dramatic location!).
While the exterior of the castle is a perfect example of medieval architecture, the interior is more in the vein of Star City Casino meets Lord of the
Location, location, location!
Mountains, lakes and forests... What more could a prince need? Rings - complete with palm tree topped spiral staircases, fake grottos and throne rooms. Our painfully efficient German guide (‘Next ya vill valk oop 48 steps to da voonderful dining voooom’) led us through room after stunning room all of which created the impression that good Prince Ludwig was a few Bratwurst short of a BBQ!
All up, it was definitely the most gorgeous castle we have visited so far (Ed kept hinting it would be the perfect spot for a proposal… I didn’t reply)!
Next we headed up the Romantic Road, so called because it links the most picturesque villages in Bavaria and apparently fills travellers with impure and very un-German thoughts. We ended up stopping for the night in the little walled village of Nordlingden.
The following day after breakfast, we went for a walk along the circular town walls that surround the cute town and then climbed up the spire of the huge St George’s Church, which was built in the 15th Century. Unfortunately upon peering over the banister to the sheer 100 metre drop, I rediscovered my fear of heights and spent the rest of my time hugging the wall.
Feeling a
The Royal Bath...
...fit for a prince! little dizzy (but still romantic), we continued up the Road through picture perfect village after picture perfect village (after picture perfect village after picture perfect village…). Although at the start of the journey, we greeted every cute church, gorgeous bridge, duck filled pond and rolling hill we came across with enthusiastic ‘Awwws’ and ‘Look at Thats’, after the twelfth amazing town, our passion began to wane. By the time lunch came, we were suffering from sensory exhaustion and started bypassing ‘unmissable’ towns and ignoring the damn ducks.
Eventually, we came to the end of the road - in the city of Wurzberg. There we visited the Residenz, the Baroque style sandstone seat of the Bishops of Bavaria (try saying that fast ten times in a row!)
The Residenz put to pay anyone who said that priests have simple tastes. The whole enormous building was nothing but a pile of ornately carved sandstone, gold gilded ceilings, marble floors, stucco walls and crystal chandeliers. To add to the whole unpriestly feel of the place, it even included a magnificent mirrored room - complete with inappropriately mirrored ceiling (make of that whatever you want)…
After leaving Wurzberg, we finally hit
More Schloss Neuschwanstein
I think its pronounced Shlosh New-shwan-stine? the autobahns and began to find out what our C Class had to offer and what a driving trip through Germany is all about. I soon found that autobahn driving generally follows a pattern for first timers like myself:
- At 130kmp/h, you feel completely inadequate by all the cars overtaking and speed up
- At 160kmp/h, the exhilaration of the experience takes over, and you keep edging faster and faster
- At 200kmp/h, your senses go on high alert as the countryside flashes by. You grip the steering wheel harder and harder
- At 240kmp/h, your nerve gives up and you drop back down to 160kmp/h.
After a solid hour of following this pattern, I noticed that my shoulder was hurting and realised that I was suffering a RSI injury from all the gripping of the steering wheel. Who needs the gym when you have a Mercedes? :-)
That night we checked into a little hotel in the town of Heidelberg, on the Neckar River. We headed out to a local restaurant, where we shared a table with a couple of locals who were in town scouting locations for their new ‘How to Host
Beer in Germany
In my other hand is a sausage a Murder Party’ business. We ended up all getting very drunk and got kicked out of the restaurant at close.
The following morning we woke up early and took the funicular (which is like a vertical railway and has become my favourite mode of transport in Europe - or second favourite after black Mercedes) up the mountain which overlooks Heidelberg. The view on the way up was totally spectacular… In fact it was so distractingly spectacular that after getting out, I realised that I had left my wallet, mobile, passport and C Class keys (Oh No!) on the seat! Thankfully, some honest German handed them all in and I picked them up on the way down - it could have been very ugly though! Needless to say, Ed was in charge of the keys after that!
Next we headed into the Rhine region, a spectacular valley that weaves its way around the Rhine river. The landscape is one of spectacular cliffs dotted with vineyards and a postcard worthy castle every few miles. The whole experience was enough to give you whiplash!
After the Rhine we decided to try to make our way up to Hamburg, 500kms away
Nordlingden
Ed took this - I was huddled in a corner behind him (which really isn’t that far at between 160 and 240kmp/h!). On the way we stopped in at Cologne and had a look at the weekend markets and the enormous Cathedral, which is one of the largest in the world.
We ended up arriving in Hamburg at around 10 that night, and after spending an hour driving around looking for anywhere with a room, found a place near the docks. Although Ed and I had to sleep in separate rooms (they only had two single rooms available), it was cheap, clean and smack-bang in the middle of nocturnal Hamburg’s main drawcard - the Red Light District!
Hamburg’s Red Light District (known as the Reeperbahn) is regarded as the Champ-Elysees of red light districts and a bit of a contradiction - it’s big (but small and dingy in parts), bright (but still very very dark) and relatively safe and clean (but extremely dirty!).
After wandering around for a while, Ed and I came across a small laneway, partially blocked with hoardings and covered in signs saying that people under 21, cameras and women were not allowed past that point. Realising none of those categories applied to us, we walked
around the barrier and into the web of sin beyond.
All along the laneways, the shopfronts were filled with buxom blondes, brunettes and black women beckoning all that walked past into their lairs. Each was armed with a prop (either a whip, a pole or a feather duster) and each had the kind of expression on their faces that would send even the most asexual BMW driving German man wild. The laneway was a supermarket of choice: fat, skinny, tall, short, scary, timid; every taste was catered for… Well, almost every - unfortunately, their efforts were lost on Ed and I!
We ended up settling into a club just around the corner. There we met Britta and Uli, a couple of locals that were studying at a local university. We ended up dancing the night away and eventually arrived back at our separate rooms just as the sun was rising…
A few hours later and feeling sorry for ourselves, we decided to get on a Hop-On Hop-Off bus, except ignore the hop-off part (we really were in need of some more sleep!). We ended up getting bored with the German commentary and went for a walk around
Cute bridge No. 49
(on the Romantic Road) the docks and through one of the oldest tunnels in the world which crosses the half a kilometre wide harbour.
After a quick spin in a Ferris Wheel at the local fair, it was back to our Merc and off to the airport for our short flight back to reality.
All up, our driving trip in Germany was a welcome surprise. Although it’s kind of odd overtaking a police car at 180kmph while simultaneously getting overtaken by a Porche doing 250, its definitely something I could get used to!
Anywho - hope all is well back home! For those who don’t already know, I’ve negotiated a slight change to my contract with KPMG where I will finish work in the UK at the end of November. Ed and I will then make our way back to Oz over the course of a month to be home in time for Christmas and New Years! As part of the deal though, I will then return to the UK at the end of January (on my lonesome) to finish one of my jobs. I then will come back home for April.
Although it sounds exhausting, it gives us a
Cute house No. 941
(on the Romantic Road) chance to be home for Christmas and New Years and for me to catch up with people in January. Should be good (apart from being away from Ed for two months)!
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Raj
non-member comment
You know the amount of fun you are both having depresses me. I strongly recommend that you enact poor prose, laziness and the urge to sleep in the next week so people like myself (i.e. those who are currently still at work and have no prospect of leaving their desk for the next