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This blog is being sponsored by every anti-perspirant known to mankind. Bloody hell it is hot. Almost crossing the border from Netherlands in to Germany, the temperature rocketed immediately. There is the phrase that horses sweat, gentleman perspire and ladies gently glow - well your correspondent has definitely proved that wrong as the sweat gushes out of him as though he has lost a wrestling match with a peeved porcupine. I hope none of my dear readers were eating as that mental image popped up.
As we trundled along the autobahn, admiring the red roofed villages nestled in the forests, I often wondered what some of the German chaps, stuck behind Claude in their uber-fast porsches and mercedes, were shouting at us as they finally were able to zoom past!!! Wendy the navigator and head of translation in all things German, admitted that her vocabulary was not comprehensive enough to deal with their outbursts. In fact, unless it is dealing with counting to ten, or telling somebody that the "pen is blue", then we are in trouble.
The campsite was on the banks of the Rhine which is a very big river indeed. Our pitch allowed us to face
the river and barring any major floods, ensured we would have a great view of barges and cruise boats floating slowly by - well we would if we had not bought a new screen insulator to keep us cool in the unearthly heat. In the van beside us a man who had grown up in Newcastle before emigrating to Australia - if that sounds a worrying combination of personalities, then you are right. Any time your correspondent and Cusco the Chief Spaniel saw him coming over we legged it and went for a paddle/swim in the Rhine, leaving Wendy to face him by herself.
The centre of Cologne was a mere 4km walk along the river path way, a mere bagatelle for travellers of our stature - except we had neglected to consider quite a salient fact. It was over 100 degrees farenheit (sounds hotter than 38 celsius) and with no cloud cover, we may as well have been walking on the surface of the sun itself. Cusco looked longingly at our sandals giving us a bit of protection from the roasting tarmac, but then just trotted off in his usually bouncy manner, before collapsing under a tree seeking
shade . An hour and a half later (yes for 4 km) , the dog of our troupe arrived in the centre of the city and was faced by a fantastic sight -a man made stream and fountain for children to splash about in !!! Were any signs saying dogs were "verboten"? he didn't even look as he barged the infants out the way and launched himself into the cooling, refreshing water. Simultaneously, or at the same time, your correspondent was behaving in a similar manner in a nearby bar for a life saving beer. At the same time, or simultaneously, Wendy decided to climb some 500 stairs to the top of the belfry of Cologne Cathedral !!! This was an astonishing feat considering the unbearable temperature and your correspondent had to quickly calculate the ratio of the time it would take her to get up and down, to the number of beers he could get through before she came back !!!
When you consider that we are on this trip because Wendy has secondary cancer which has spread to her lungs - how the hell she manages to do such things is staggering. Not one for giving in
easily is this girl.
After no sleep and litres of sweat threatening to make the river burst it's banks, we piled everything back into Claude and aimed to get away from the cauldron that was Cologne. Our trail took us five hours in land to a delightful city named Wurzburg. Again the site was beside a river but there was one difference form the previous day - it was even hotter !!!!! Cusco and Wendy jumped straight in the water and started swimming in the direction of north, hoping to reach Arctic realms as quickly as possible. I just stood rooted to the spot, melting slowly. "What would any sane person do in the face of such adversity " I wondered and ran to the bar to think about it further. The steins in the establishment held two litres of ice cold beer, so after a few of them I was in a suitable frame of mind to go out and face the conditions.
Our trip into the city centre was made by bus - we had learnt the lesson from before. Having said that, it was 1.5km to the bus stop and that took nearly 40 mins.
We were met with marvellous buildings, a bustling market, a happy and relaxed atmosphere, a parade through the streets (with the Kirkside pipe band) which all led to Wendy awarding Wurzburg her ultimate accolade - " I could live here " !!!
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Colette
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Note to the author of this blog
Just to,let you know that the return of your witty and humourous scribe is very much appreciated ?