That’s Amore!

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So I have noticed that French people loooove PDA! I wonder if they have a word for it. Maybe not because it is just so normal and accepted. In America it happens but it isn’t quite so intense and everywhere! A peck, holding hands, even maybe a little more serious kiss…but rarely do you see people just straight up making out on the streets. And in very open and public places on the street! I guess that is another way that Americans are more uncomfortable with sexuality/sex and displays of it. There is for sure a lot less public nudity (advertising, beaches, fashion styles, etc) but love and displays of affection are a more private matter in America I think I have learned by comparison.

It kind of shocked me at first and made me uncomfortable but now I think I am getting more used to it (just as I am with walking everywhere, the man-purses (which we affectionately call murses), baguettes everywhere, etc). Those stereotypical things of French life are becoming much more common in my mind. Which I think is a really good sign that I am getting really acclimated to living here (and also makes it a shame that I’m leaving in 2-3 weeks!).

I had a conversation about it in general with my hostmom. She found it weird that people don’t s’embrasse dans les rues in America. But I tried to explain how manners are just different in America and that it is just seen as being less classy and something you shouldn’t really do. ..just another cultural difference. We also talked about how here it seems that parents are much more accepting of their young adult children sleeping in the same bed with their significant other, which, I find, is much less accepted in America. My parents NEVER ALLOW it, and I only know a small number of friends whose own parents or their boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents allow it. I guess sex is a much less talked about/acknowledged idea in America, and so the idea that if you let two people sleep in the same bed they will automatically have sex and parents just can’t stand that. But my hostmom raised an interesting point - that she knew her son was going to/was having sex with his girlfriend, and she would rather have them do it at her house instead of at some seedy hotel or a car or something. That way at last she knew where they were and they weren’t going to dangerous/crazy/expensive lengths to be together. I think that is a really rational, thought-through response to the issue. French people tend to be so traditional and stuck in their ways of ‘what you do’ and ‘what you just don’t do’ that I was kind of surprised to see my hostmom being so modern. She tends to be a pretty traditional lady. My parents would never dream of it! And to me, that is completely accepted and normal. In fact, it might make me uncomfortable to sleep in the same bed as a boyfriend in my parents’ house, even if we didn’t have sex, just because I would know that my parents would be thinking of it. I guess I also see it as a respect thing to my parents: a. following their wishes, and b. it is their house and…I don’t know…there are just certain things you don’t do in your parents house…almost like it makes it dirty? I’m not really sure…I guess it is just something ingrained in me from my American more conservative on sexual issues perspective. It was interesting to see the cultural difference there.

I also feel like I can talk to my hostmom about relationship things more easily than I could/can with my own parents. Maybe because she, relatively speaking, is a stranger and I won’t probably see her again…or because she takes care of me but isn’t really a mom that I feel awkward around or have grown up with? But I never have frank discussions about sex with adults, so it was really different for me. And I guess it also helped that we were more relating cultural practices and or personal views on the general topics instead of actual personal stories… I still wouldn’t be comfortable telling her about my sex life or something like that. But it was cool to see the perspective of someone my parent’s age about the topic to see how different it is.

Also, in my education class we all were given a country and had to do a research presentation on a specific topic within that country’s education system. I was given Finland, and why their education system constantly ranks number one (in both statistics and regard). Well, one person had the sex education system in the Netherlands and it was really interesting to see an even more extreme example of European openness of sex and sexuality. Firstly, gay marriage and prostitution is legal in the Netherlands. They start their sex education at a very young age and build upon it every year. The family is also very involved (as they are will most aspects of their children’s lives, especially academics). They give the kids videos and books that are very specific and frank, sometimes with diagrams and explanations. That was kind of shocking for me…the bluntness of the delivery. But what impressed me most about their system was their emphasis on sex in loving relationships and in relation to a social context. They really teach them good decision making above all else. They do roll playing (for example, “what do you do if your boyfriend won’t wear a condom”) and learn how to behave about sex in a responsible manner. They seem to have the attitude that young people are going to have sex anyway so we might as well educate them and give them all the tools to make the best decisions, which I think is really admirable. Condoms and contraception is widely available there and they have the lowest rates of STDs and teen pregnancy internationally (according to this student’s research). So in a country that pushes sex education so early and is so frank, sex becomes just an average part of daily life that is totally ok to discuss with most people and to see signs of sex/sexuality much more often in public and in their culture.

I don’t think that this system would work in the US though, because we have the fundamental principle of individual rights to each family/parent, and the government would never impede on what/how you wanted to teach your kids about sex. We always had to get permission slips signed if we were going to learn anything related to that, from periods to actual sex ed. And there were always a few parents who took their kids out, for religious or personal reasons. In the Netherlands this all comes through the school and parents back it up at home, so it is a unified force to educate the kids honestly. I think sex and sexuality is still a big taboo in America that this system would be too drastic and never really work for us. Though we could take a few pages from either book easily (making condoms and contraceptives more available for teens, etc).

Sex is all around you in Europe I have learned, but it is handled with a much different attitude that makes it not such a big deal. People don’t giggle at the idea or talk about it in hushed corners, homosexuality is widely more accepted, and they just go on with their lives. Overall I think their attitude toward the subject is much more healthy and effective. I don’t think I’ll miss the PDA in the street when I leave though…

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