Tips on traveling in Paris

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Paris in winter, AGAIN. When will Sam and I learn that we are not cut out for that climate and we get sick and waste precious time in bed coughing and wheezing? Well, this time I'm writing it down so we will remember and to warn those of you reading this that unless you really love the cold and damp, Paris in December is not a good idea.

Many of you won't read all the way through this so I'm going to hit the problem points first as the real point of these travel blogs is to help you navigate places better than we did. So here are the things you really need to know before you plan a trip to the beautiful city of Paris.

1. The bars and Cafés no longer have a very important thing. TOILET SEATS!! Be aware of this as it is a huge problem. There is also no paper so everyone there just carries those small packets of tissues in their pockets and they have nice thin, strong thighs from master the hover squat over toilets with no seats. No one has been able to give us an adequate explanation for this phenomenon but they all seem to accept it as a matter of course. If you want to sit down on the throne, you will pay for it, either in a nice restaurant or by paying at a public restroom (usually less than one euro for this privilege).

2. If you go to a bar or café, you will pay at least 2 euros more if you choose to sit down. Standing at the bar seems to be the accepted norm, like standing at the toilet, apparently. Do you sense a theme here? Give us your money, don't sit down anywhere and for God's sake don't do anything in our establishment that would require the use of toilet paper.

3. Do not expect to take the metro to and from the airport like the locals might unless you pack like one. There are many, many, many stairs in the metro. There are no elevators. The few escalators you see are just another cruel joke as they almost never work. Our first day, we ran into two women from Cleveland who had packed all their matching luggage and wanted to brave the Metro to save some money. They were completely unprepared for the fact that they didn't have the strength to carry those suitcases up and down all the stairs they encountered. We would have helped but we brought just what we could carry and our hands were full. OK, those who know me well and who have overpacked on trips with me will tell you this so I may as well come clean. I don't help people who overpack. I figure they'll never learn unless they suffer the consequences so….

4. Do not expect the elevator in your hotel to work. In fact, even if it does, it may not be large enough for all your stuff. Our hotel was a "renovated" hotel in the older part of town and the two of us fairly thin Americans were a pretty tight squeeze in a two by two elevator.

5. There are no coffee makers or hair dryers in the rooms. There just aren't. Get used to it. If you bring your own, be sure to have the right adapters and be prepared to carry all that extra weight up and down all the flights of stairs if the elevator is broken. To be fair, when you tell the staff at the hotel that it's broken at least they smile, shrug and basically let you know that they don't give a damn. You are just one more fat American who can use the exercise.

6. One last thing. No matter how much time you think you need before your flight back. You need more. The lines in security are incredibly long and move at a snail's pace. We left our hotel at 8:30 and boarded our 12:40 plane just before they closed the doors. Most of that time was spent standing in lines.

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