Vienna

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The next morning, I spent a while googling which bus I should catch to get me to the train station, and how to ask for a ticket in Polish. Oswiecim is a small town outside of Auschwitz and not many people speak English, which was a little tricky. On the walk to the bus station, I was repeating the polish words for ‘train station’ over and over, which are ‘Dworzec Kolejowy’ – pronounced like ‘Djevorhjets Collayoveh’…..but soon as I got on the bus, I chickened out and just said ‘Station please!’. Sod it, it worked.



After my initial conversation the day before with the woman at Oswiecim train station, I worked out a cunning plan for getting my train reservation tickets! Ok, well not so cunning really, I just prepared my google translate app with the sentence I wanted to ask her and it worked a treat! Thank god for Google!! I got a train reservation ticket to Zebrzydowice, and changed here for a train to Breclav in Czechia. My train to Breclav was late, meaning I missed my connection to Vienna….so I really had no choice at all but to find a local bar to sit and drink beer at for an hour!



When I arrived in Vienna, I knew that I had to use the metro (again like the London tube) to find my hostel. It’s strange that every tube station I have been to – London, Cologne, Vienna – all smell the same! Like musty filtered air. Why do they all smell like that? I’ve started being able to smell a tube station from 50 paces like a blood hound! The same rules about standing to the right on escalators apply in Vienna as they do in London – and Viennese people get really pissed off if you don’t do this! On a good note though, I’m feeling pretty proud of myself for my use of public transport. In each city I go to, I’m finding it easier and easier to get around. This may be mostly because I don’t care if I get the wrong train, there’s always another one back again! …..Watch me make a total cock up now!



I arrived at my hostel around 7pm and settled in, before going to hunt for food. I had planned to take the metro back into the city centre, but on my way I smelled the nicest Italian food smells and followed them into a restaurant just around the corner. Perhaps I am turning into a blood hound! I ordered some food in the strange hybrid language I seemed to have adopted, which goes like this……’Cann Ich haben spaghetti alle oglio, and, oh I mean und, pepperoncino…… mit gamberi…..you know…prawns? bitte…..Danke….thanks very much.’



What a loser!



The next morning, I got up to take a walking tour of the city, and along the way saw that there was a concert being advertised in the beautiful baroque church that night. It was the Vienna concert orchestra playing music by Bach, Mozart, Strauss, Handel etc. So I bought a ticket!



The walking tour of the city started by the guide introducing himself as ‘Wolfgang’, like Mozart, and telling us that no-one calls their kids Wolfgang in Vienna anymore unless they hate them. He introduced us first to the Opera Theatre in Albertina Platz, which is opposite to the Sacher Hotel, where the famous Vienna Sachertorte cake was originally made. They still make the cake now, and earn thousands of pounds through sales of the cake to tourists. He said that he has lived in Vienna all of his life, and all of his family and friends live in Vienna, but that he doesn’t know one person who actually likes this cake! He said that tourists make one mistake with this cake by not having it with cream – he has said it is so dense that it will lock the person’s jaw unless they eat it with cream.



Wolfgang showed us some of the WW2 statues around the city, and said that the war was only properly acknowledged by the people of Vienna in the 1980s. Apparently the people of Vienna do not like talking about it, as over 80% of the Viennese supported Hitler and a large number of Nazi officers came from Vienna. We walked to the Heldenplatz, where Hitler had stood to make his speech to the nation before WW2. He explained that the first world war had crippled Vienna, and their population of 55 million had been reduced to 5 million. Wolfgang said that “We all know how bad Hitler was now, but at the time the country was crippled following the first world war, and Hitler was standing on that balcony speaking to the people of Vienna, and promising to fix the economy, create more jobs…..and make this country great again!” ….. There were a lot of chuckles from the group and a ‘just saying!’ type shrug from Wolfgang.



We saw a lot of the main sights of Vienna on this tour, including St Stephen’s cathedral, the anchor clock, the Jewish quarter etc. Wolfgang told us that the Jewish quarter is known as the Bermuda triangle to locals, as the area has now become so well known for its cheap booze that many people can’t seem to find a way out of it. Wolfgang also told us the best place to try the traditional Wiener Schnitzel (so long as we don’t ask for tomato ketchup on penalty of being thrown out of Vienna!), and that the trains here are made by Porsche – so actually I’m travelling in style!



That night, I went to see the orchestra play, and it was lovely! The inside of the church was full of majestic gold ornamentation and stone carvings, and the music reverberated off the marble floors and pillars inside. When that type of music is played inside a church, you can understand the composer’s intentions, and how they are almost inextricably linked to religious beliefs. The orchestra played Mozart’s requiem, and the purpose of the piece – to send someone to God on their death – feels very believable whether you are religious or not. I got goose bumps listening to the concert…… it made me want to pick up the flute again!



After the concert had finished, I took the tip from Wolfgang and went to try the best Wiener Schnitzel in the city – it was huge! And very tasty (and I only asked for some mayo ?) – before heading to bed.



The next day I toured the rest of the sights of the city including the Greek-looking parliament buildings, the Belvedere palace (Did you know belvedere literally means ‘beautiful view’? I didn’t!), and went for a ride on the Wiener Riesenrad wheel. I also tried the Sachertorte (with cream), which I thought was very nice! It’s just like a dense chocolate cake with what tastes like the middle bit out of Jaffa cakes in it. My tourists map of Vienna has some information in it about living like a local. It says that locals are typically grumpy, spend a lot of time in cafes, hate tourists touching their dogs, and generally hate loud obnoxious people. I’ve been thinking…..those points, along with the ability to make overly dense cakes….. I think I might already be Viennese!



One thing I have noticed about people from Germany and Vienna, is that they seem to be quite law abiding! People from both of these places do not like crossing the road unless the little green man is showing – even if there is absolutely no traffic. Anna told me in Germany that they have laws for this- like jaywalking laws in America. The British in me can’t deal with this, I get twitchy knees if I’m standing there for no reason and I have to cross anyway. Also, both countries always seem to buy tickets for the metro, tram & buses, even though no-one ever seems to check the tickets. This wouldn’t happen in England! I know there is a 60 euro fine if you get caught without a ticket, but I would have thought people would take the chance, given that 60 euros is probably cheaper than the 4 months of tickets you are buying between spot checks!?....... I am perhaps the wrong person to be encouraging law breaking though!!



That night there was a free pop concert in one of the main squares in the city. I caught the last couple of acts, who were playing on a stage which was in the middle of a pool of water! The organisers had intentionally filled the plaza with water, and put a stage in the middle with all the electrical amplification equipment on it. As the bands were playing, some people would go and have a dance in the middle of this pool of water. As an organiser of a music event, I would like to just say this……. ‘Are you bat shit crazy?!?’



Let me think…..I know! – Lets have a music event in the city centre with thousands of people in attendance, so we’ll need a huge amplification system, and let’s put it all in a giant puddle of piss! It’s fine that all the electrical plugs are only a foot away from the water and we let drunken, stoned people go and splash it in until the early hours. Yeaaaahhhhhh that’s a great idea!!



Christ! I had enough trouble getting our insurance company to cover the risk of a small bonfire! …… Hey work!...... I’m bringing some personal injury claims home with me that I think you’ll enjoy dealing with!



Anyway, LUCKILY, the concert seemed to go ahead without any problems. A couple of bands came on stage and mostly played electronic stuff. I watched for a little while, before a woman who must have been well into her 60s, stood next to me and was full on rocking out to the band. She started speaking to me and saying ‘It’s amazing!! That woman singing has a beautiful voice and there’s no woman on stage! It’s all coming from the electrics!” She said it as if the thought had literally blown her mind! – I think she was probably stoned. I left shortly after as it wasn’t really my thing, but they were great musici……….musiciaa……….. Nah I can’t do it……….. They were good machine operators!



Well I’ve just been to watch an amazing orchestra playing Mozart & Bach!! It hardly bloody compares!!!



So that was my last night in Vienna. It’s a really beautiful city and definitely worth the visit…… but you will be haemorrhaging euros for the duration!

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