"I'm not gonna lie"

It's one of AJ's buzz phrases. AJ is of course my buddy and a cousin of my best friend Kylan who masterminded the whole Jamaican adventure I'm about to chronicle in this here blog. He likes to emphasize the truthfulness of what he's about to say or to diffuse the bluntness of what he just blurted out with those 4 words. So, I too am not gonna lie....

* it's been a helluva long time since I posted. Forgive me.
* it's been over a week since I got back from Jamaica and I've been too exhausted/busy/lazy to catch up
* this is probably gonna be an overly long blog, as per usual
* Jamaica was ridiculously awesome and I think I'm way cooler than you if you've never been

Hey, I'm not gonna lie.

First off, I think it's important to note that there's a legitimate reason for 2 straight guys going on a trip to Jamaica together. AJ's girlfriend bailed at the last minute and someone needed to step up for a trip to paradise. I got the call. Sometimes you're the dog, sometimes you're the hydrant. Woof.

Rough Start
The trip started off a little shaky: we had a red-eye flight out of IAH at 6:45 AM. Halfway to the aeropuerto I realized I had forgotten my camera and iPod headphones. Yeah, I know. I'm still in shock about the camera incident too and would prefer not to talk about it. Good thing AJ bought my old one; hence the pics. Score. We had a less than desirable layover in Miami, followed by a 2-hour bumpy bus ride from Montego Bay to Ocho Rios--where our resort was--but a mid-trip Red Stripe stop and a cheerful Jamaican bus driver made the trip a-OK. 99% sure he was high. Welcome to Jamaica, mon.

Heaven Must Be All-Inclusive
There's really no point in trying to differentiate between the next 4 days. You wake up, you eat, you lounge in the pool or at the beach, you drink, you eat, you nap, you party at the disco, and then you do it all over again. Throw in some sunscreen and a few friends we met along the way and you've got the whole paradise situation in a nutshell. The greatest thing about the all-inclusive concept is that it takes all the planning and logistics out of life: you just walk out of the room with your keycard and LIVE. No details, no directions, no misaligned schedules, no stress. The Jamaican saying 'no problem' really echoes at the Riu. I'm hooked. I'll be doing this again!

Sooners and Yankees and Russians, Oh My!
As soon as we arrived, the first order of business was Red Stripe at the swim-up bar. True to form, I was rockin my burnt orange koozie, which caught the eye of our first vacation buddy, Kevin. Turns out Kevin used to drive the Sooner Schooner. Oh well, we'll let him slide. Thanks to Kev we met up with the Jen, Erica, and Annie from NY. Pretty cool chicks, for New Yorkers =), but I gotta say they couldn't hang as late as AJ and me. Apparently playing the 'make fun of bad dancers game' at the disco and late night swims takes it's toll on the Yanks more than it does us Texas boys. As far as dawn patrol, I've gotta give props to our little Russian/Canadian friend Anastasia....there's one pic in there I took of the beach as it started to light up our late night swim just before dawn. Ya know, you really have to get into the ratrace of the working world to appreciate how awesome it is to stay up all night on the beach in Jamaica, partying like a rock star. Again...woof woof.

Dunn's River Falls
Ok, so I lied a little...we actually did do one thing that required more effort and planning than basking in the Caribbean sun. We signed up for a charter boat ride to Dunn's River Falls, where we proceeded to don the ever-trendy surf attire known as aquasocks in order to scale a 950-foot waterfall. The climb wasn't too bad... 'cept for the fat tourist traffic and huge crowds. The water's only a few inches deep across the face of the rocks you're scaling, which isn't a problem unless you hit a mossy spot or let the water catch more than just your ankles. There were some dicey moments where 4-letter words escaped my mouth, but no bruises or scrapes to report. AJ and I made it up in aobut 30 mins, along with the couple from Tennessee that were our only other shipmates. It's supposed to take an hour, but we're manly men, gosh dang it. Afterwards we stopped by the beach where the first James Bond movie was filmed and did some snorkeling along the reef with the token tropical fish and a few little mantas. A couple of rum drinks and a silly dance with the boat crew and we were back on shore for another pre-dinner nappy nap. Tough life indeed.

Things fall apart
Ok, so everything was great up until the last 24 hours or so of the trip. We feasted on Jamaican cuisine, filled and emptied our cups of countless rum drinks and Red Stripe, and danced and swam the nights away with our resort buddies, but eventually, we had to get back to real life. Thanks to AJ's penchant for red-eyes, we had to be up for a 3:30 am bus ride back to Montego Bay. This meant I had a 1-hour nap from 1:30 am to 2:30 am the last night in town. Bleh. Between the bus ride, layover, and all the waiting and flights in between, it was something like 11 hours total from leaving Jamaica to arriving at my apartment. Grueling. To top it all off, American Airlines lost my luggage. I honestly believe it was about Thursday last week when I finally recovered. Just in time for a 3 day weekend in Austin. Ayayay. I'll sleep when I'm dead I guess!

So, sum total: Jamaica kicked ass. Eloquence escapes me here. You should go, if not for the all-inclusive, tropical paradise experience, at least do it so that you don't have to hear me go on and on about what you're missing. Cuz you know I will.

Hey, I'm not gonna lie.

CLICK HERE FOR ALL THE PICS

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