End of the Road?

---

After 5 months in India and Sri Lanka, I have reached a very familiar point. I'm sick of it. Sick of the dirt, tired of the constant noise, fed up with the crowds, and physically not so great either. What I was seeing as quaint or interesting is now ridiculously stupid. There's nothing good to eat, and I got a really bad haircut, and then another, and even then I had to go back and point out that a little Hindu tail on the crown was not required.
Three months ago I was in love with Varanasi. Today, it's a crowded, filthy Indian city.
I think I'm ready to go home. In fact, I think that knowing I leave soon has stopped me from trying a bit harder to remain positive. Fuck it, the place sucks, and I'm not sad to be going. I won't say I'm not coming back, because in 2 months I'll be remembering the first months of the trip, not the last few days, and be dreaming about the next trip. And there are still quite a few birds to see.
Bird-wise, it has been a good trip. I've seen about 150 new birds, about 700 in India now. Another 100 or so and I'll be up there with the big boys, the names ahead of me on my bird list.
An unexpected addition to this trip was my starting this blog. It's been very interesting and fun for me, and I may continue doing something with it. Travels in England?
Blogging is quite unique as a way of communicating. If I had just sent e-mails to everyone, most of whom I never e-mail at all, many of you would have thought" Why is Samaya suddenly so friendly, writing me every week, sometimes more often? I mean we're friends, but..." And emails carry with them some pressure to respond. Also, when I get a CC'd email, I generally lose interest quickly. If it's not just for me, I don't care.
Or I could just write, and keep it stored where no-one reads it. But would I? Probably not. I want some sort of audience. Blogging seems just right. It gives me the chance to communicate, which seems to be what I want to do, yet in a slightly impersonal way, not to any specific party. And no response required, although I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed every comment or message I received, and it did my heart good to know I was actually writing to real people, who were paying attention. I like being paid attention to.
Some of you have suggested I have some talent at this, and therefore should continue, or find other means of sharing, communicating. I thank you for that, but it's just me talking, isn't it? Now the trip is over, the pretense for writing goes too, and I won't put pressure on myself to come up with ideas and witty banter. And time will tell if my need to communicate manifests itself in some way.
You'll just need to get your "Samaya fix" in face to face encounters, of which I hope there will be many with all of you.
So friends, thanks for being there, time to move on, for all of us.

Some of my best birds, photos all used without permission.

---

Comments

[yatro]

See you soon
What else to say..... have enjoyed your trip! Love Yatro

[azad]

this is a sad day!!!
Samaya, i was just getting into this.... i hope you are going to keep up with it.... you know as well as me, that we are always travelling... we are travelling the earth, which is travelling in the galaxie, wich is travelling in the cosmos... anyways, i enjoyed your writing... i think you have a talent and a sick sense of humour (wich i always enjoyed!!!), you have an obsession with your hair that often gets you into trouble... but i hope to hear more from you... love azad...

[joe]

end of the line
Don't you find ,that as the end of a trip nears,or even the thoughts of such,it poisons the adventure. I find it happens to me, even though I' m probably in an all inclusive, artificial, decadent, monument of capitalistic exploitation. I hate to say it but I usually get through it by living in the moment even savoring the moment with a glass of red. Its always a blast to hear from you sam. Its easier to respond than to initiate my own stories..... but here's one now... Got up this morning perhaps a little late for Vanessa not to be up.. so I went in to wake her ,she was awake but still in bed, I sat with her , hugged her , laughed with her and left her to get up when she wanted. I then went outside to a very cold -3 and slipped into the hot tub as the sun continued to pink the sky. Birds (mostly robins I think) were everywhere and singing, my dog Roxy and one of my two beautiful cats quietly and slowly lurked around the tub. Oh yeh. Mindy took Zena on a trip yesterday to one of those icons in Manzinillo Mexico . so things are a little bit different. Vanessa and I are immediately closer. Looks like a really warm sunny spring day. I owe, I owe ,so off to work I go. Actually I do enjoy it . Love you Sam . When are you going to be in Canada? Let me know I'll be there with my girls.